Talon and Penny
by kindakukukat
Summary: A series of one shots about the ship that was the only reason I finished watching the first season of the 2015 cartoon.
1. Introduction

So, let's start with the truth. The 2015 Inspector Gadget cartoon isn't good. Everything is awkward and poorly executed and there is absolutely no continuity. Don't try to tell me otherwise. We all know, or at least I hope we do. If you consider this to be a good cartoon then your mind is about to be blown. There is an amazing world out there. If you think IG is good, then just wait till you see Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, Adventure Time, Bravest Warriors, Hey Arnold, etc. The list goes on forever.

Yet I still ended up watching the entire thing in a single afternoon. Why?

The answer is simple:

Talon (and Penny).

The ship forced me to keep watching because of those little five second scenes where either Penny or Talon would slip and reveal how much they cared about one another. That and I found Talon's personality problems interesting. And yet the small IG fandom has yet to post any fanfictions of the two (not that I don't blame you, it's understandable since, as previously mentioned, the show is crap). So here is my contribution and dedication to my ship.

This is a series of one-shots featuring Talon and Penny. They don't go in any order and currently none of them are related. I don't own any of the copyrighted materials mentioned. At the beginning of each one shot I'll put a mini summary, word count, rating, etc. If you'd like to help me think of a good ship name for Talon and Penny, would like to revel in the cuteness of their ship with me, or for whatever reason would like to contact me, PM me.

Also feel free to flame. I can understand disliking Talon's addition to the IG universe. It does seem like a cheap move on Netflix's part to make an easy and somewhat unoriginal love interest for Penny and yet I enjoyed his role.

Aaaand that is my introductory author's note that most of you probably didn't bother reading. Hope you enjoy.


	2. Getting to Know the Enemy

Title: Getting to Know the Enemy

Word Count: 1,757 words

Genre: Romance / slight Hurt and Comfort

Summary: Imprisoned together, what else will the two teens do to pass the time?

Rating: K +

* * *

"Uncle Claw, you aren't just going to leave me here, right?" Talon pleaded as he pressed himself against the bulletproof glass surrounding him.

"Ho ho," Dr. Claw's gravelly voice faded as he continued to flee, "maybe next time, Talon! It's MADcat's feeding time!"

"You've got to be kidding me," the boy muttered as he ran a hand through his hair and turned around. Slumping back against the walls of his new prison the MAD henchman regarded the blonde trapped with him.

"Wow, Talon," Penny sang mockingly, "you've got such a stellar uncle."

"What can I do? He's the only family I've got," the boy growled under his breath. Glancing up, Talon saw the look on his teenage adversary's face. She'd heard him- of course she had! The blonde stared at her trapped rival; in a moment of weakness he'd let something slip. "I mean- Ha! 'Cause your bumbling idiot uncle is so much better!" laughed the evil henchman. Plastering a false grin on his face, Talon glanced down angrily.

It was easy to forget her enemy was a human too. Talon made it too easy to see him as a blanket stereotype villain. However she'd forgotten- every villain has a sad backstory. What was his?

"Why are you evil?" the blonde asked while resting her chin on her palm. Her nemesis was pouting and she couldn't help but find it adorable.

With a sigh the hispanic teen scowled, briefly meeting her eyes. "What do you think? Developmental psychology dictates that I should be evil- regardless of where you stand on the nature versus nurture debate. It runs in the family." The sarcasm in his voice was evident yet Penny could tell there was something more to his story. His… family…

"I know your uncle but… where are your parents?" Her question clearly caught him by surprise. The evil teen stiffened, glaring at his own feet. Gritting his teeth, the boy embodied the metaphysical idea of frustration and anger. It might've been a more sensitive topic than Penny considered.

"I don't have to tell you anything," the boy genius spat as he angled his body away from the girl. He was curling up and retreating from the conversation. There was definitely something to be learned here.

"No," the blonde agreed, watching her rivals every action with interest, "you don't but it'll help pass the time. We're probably going to be stuck here for a while anyway. Why not make these next couple hours bearable?" Talon didn't seem swayed. How could she convince him- what did he care about? A thought popped into her head and made her flush. If this didn't work it'd crush her. "Okay, what if for everything you tell me about yourself, I'll tell you something about me?"

The evil genius' eyebrows shot up. He seemed conflicted but the HQ decided to take that as a good sign. "Okay, fine. What do you want to know?"

"Your parents- who are they?" Penny asked. "Where are they?"

He scoffed and scrunched his eyebrows back down. The hispanic teen curled further inwards before allowing himself to relax with a deep sigh. "My parents are dead. They died when I was young- really young, like before I can remember. I was then put in the care of my uncle- Dr. Claw- and my grandmother. So two super villains ended up raising me. Obviously it left an imprint." They let the moment saturate in silence. "Your turn- same question."

Talon was looking directly at her now and the blonde couldn't help but blush. "Well, I have one living parent- my mother, Uncle Gadget's sister. She and my father both worked for the FBI. However when my father was killed and my uncle got in an accident, my mother was reassigned far away. Everything was a mess- I nearly got put in social services." Penny let her childhood rush back to her, "but then Uncle Gadget had his surgery and he could take care of me so everything was sorted out." She finished her story with a homely little shrug. Her rival's chocolate eyes bore deep into her own. Finally unable to handle it anymore, she broke eye contact. "Why do you try so hard to be evil- I mean- really? Why not good?"

"If I had to guess, I'd look to parental rejection symptoms. Evil villains don't exactly make for attentive, loving, or even so much as decent parents, ya know. Lack of attention by my familial relations in addition to my unnaturally high levels of intelligence led to a superiority complex, an obsessive need for attention of any kind, and a very specific type of social anxiety- namely fear of failure. Essentially I was trying to succeed without compare in order to gain acceptance from my family and in the Claw family success is, by nature, evil." The boy genius' entirely serious face was a bit shocking to Penny and yet she found herself admiring it.

"You're really good at psychoanalyzing yourself," the blonde murmured in awe as she tilted her head curiously.

"Well of course, I'm awesome," the evil teen paused for a moment before continuing, "exhibit A of the aforementioned superiority complex." With a growl the henchman angrily ruffled his hair.

"Still few people are able to so objectively analyze their psychological standing," the blonde admitted honestly, "especially when they're borderline narcissistic."

"Gee thanks," Talon drawled sarcastically, "seriously though, I've got a PhD in applied physics- you really think I'd mind some measly soft science difficult?"

Penny's face screwed up at yet another of his narcissistic bouts. "This explains why you're always showing off and trying to draw attention to yourself."

"Ha." The evil genius put no effort into his fake laugh, "yeah whatever. Your turn now." The blonde bit her lip; her arch nemesis could ask her anything- her greatest weakness, the codes to HQ's information bank- and she'd probably tell him. It was only fair, as he was revealing such deep truths to her. Her entire agent career could be ruined by-

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

The HQ agent stared blankly back at the MAD henchman. "Huh… What?"

"Boyfriend," the Hispanic teen was making ridiculous hand gestures, "ya know, as in going out with a guy. Someone who is more than just a friend. I assume you're not les-"

"No!" Penny shouted, tense and face red. "I-I d-no! I don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend-no-no romantic partner." Somehow this question had felt even more nerve wracking than the career-ending ones had seemed. The two teens stared into each other's eyes for a moment of silence.

Then the Inspector's niece burst into laughter. Only with Talon would she be more nervous telling the enemy about her love life than top secret security details.

"W-what?!" The evil genius seemed irritated and embarrassed.

'N-ha-nothing!" Penny tried to reassure him, "Pfft! Really! Ha ha!" When Talon started pouting again, the blonde lost all control. Laughter filled their glass prison.

* * *

It'd been almost two hours now and they were still playing their question game. The two agents had gotten far more comfortable in their cell. Talon was lounging on the ground, back against the floor and his arms folded behind his head to make a pillow. Penny, also on her back, was using Talon's stomach as a head cushion.

"Okay," the evil teen muttered as his eyes followed invisible paths on the ceiling, "favorite rom-com?"

"Hmm," the blonde hummed as she tried to think of an answer; the vibrations carried into her nemesis' stomach making him feel warm, "Hitch? No… Revenge of the Bridesmaids is pretty great… yeah, Revenge of the Bridesmaids." She waited for him to comment on her choice but he said nothing. "Okay, lesse… what is…" her face flushed as the HQ agent looked down to admire her toes, "your idea of a good date?" Her words tumbled from her mouth quickly, almost unintelligible.

Penny couldn't see him but she assumed the boy genius was blushing as well. Coughing awkwardly, Talon considered his answer. "Uhm, like a normal date? Civvy-style?" The blonde snickered at his slang for civilian. "I guess… I'd probably pick her up on my bike and take her somewhere fun," he paused as he actually began to think seriously about it, "We'd go somewhere familiar that she likes- like a bookstore or an arcade- but things would escalate. Every time we went somewhere else it'd get a little more unfamiliar and dangerous. Taking advantage of misattribution of arousal, we'd probably end the day with a picnic on top of a skyscraper- or in the very least a building with ten stories." The girl genius was completely absorbed by his words, imagining the scene in her head as he spoke. It was sunset; the wind was whipping around the two of them like crazy. "With the altitude the winds would be strong, she might need to hold on to me to stay upright- which I would want." Talon's strong and muscled arms would be wrapped around her, shielding her from the winds trying to knock the pair down. "While holding her, I'd probably reach out," Penny gulped, on edge to hear his next words, "and tuck a blonde strand of ha-"

Just as Penny's heart was palpitating at breakneck speeds, a shout interrupted her crush's words.

"Wowsers! A giant vase!" With those words a biomechanical man crashed through their bulletproof glass prison. Talon flipped the two teen agents, using his body to protect the blonde from the falling debris. His face, scrunched up in pain, was hovering only inches above hers. One particularly large chunk conveniently hit the boy genius bluntly right on the head. The force was enough to push his head down and crash his lips onto hers.

Wincing, the teens teeth bumped against one another's painfully. Talon's eyes popped open in shock when he realized where his mouth was. Shoving himself roughly off of the blonde beneath him, the evil henchman covered his lips with the back of his fist and felt his face flame.

Penny sat up slowly in surprise; her fingertips gently ghosting over her own lips as she tried to process what'd just happened.

"I-uh," for once Talon seemed to struggle with a witty one-liner to leave her with, "gotta fly!" His rocket boots triggered on and just like that he was gone.

"What were you doing in that giant vase, Penny?" Her lanky uncle asked as he ambled up beside her.

"Huh? Uh, you know, just getting to know the enemy," the blonde murmured wistfully.


	3. Boyfriend

Author's Notes:

Wow, you guys really liked this. I'm actually blown away by how much attention this got. I was expecting maybe three reviews gathered slowly over over a month, half of which would be flames telling me I'm full of crap and that William Thaw is Penny's one true soul mate. Thanks so much! I shall continue to write these fanfics for you all!

IMPORTANT! (I promise) I started a forum on this site for Inspector Gadget shipping called Inspector Gadget Shippage. A lot of people have been leaving reviews saying they liked Talon and Penny so I'd like to, I dunno, formally introduce you guys to one another on a place of equal ground. Here we can gather and spaz about how cute they are together. However I know that people also ship Penny with William Thaw so they have a category on the forum too so they can gather and love their ship. We might disagree but we can still coexist. I think this could be really fun guys, but I'm one hell of an optimist so… hehe this could backfire hardcore.

For the people who are really enjoying this ship: So I have enough ideas to make four or five one-shots currently but I'm going to run out. I don't want to but it is a looming threat! DX I'm thinking about creating a thread on the forum specifically for trading ideas about the ship. I and anyone else who wants to write or even those who just know what they'd like to read about the ship can bounce ideas off of one another and we can create some really great fanfictions! I'm excited- like really excited- and I am terrified of being let down so… please don't crush my hopes and dreams. Ha…. Yeah.

Captainfanfiction: Thanks! I'm not really good at M-rated fics. I might give it a try but… well… yeah. Don't expect too much. You're talking to a virgin here.

Now for what you actually came here for:

* * *

Title: Boyfriend

Word Count:

Genre: Drama / Action / Romance

Summary: Talon was her boyfriend. Penny could've punched her in the face.

Rating: T

* * *

His alarm startled the boy awake. Tumbling out of his dark bed, the teen yelped as he hit the cold, hard floor of his room. Frustrated, Talon looked up expecting to see the stiff stone walls of Claw castle. Instead he was met with blank white plaster walls surrounding him.

Oh yeah, the evil genius was undercover in the United States as a civilian- civvy-style. Talon had been suspended from going on missions by his uncle. Now he had to lie low in regular society. Fun.

Apparently- as the alarm reminded him- today was his first day of public high school. He'd get to pretend to be a sexually frustrated, hormonally imbalanced, puberty-driven idiot. Joy of joys- he'd get to be stupid. Surrounded by other stupid people.

The hardest part would be holding his tongue. Would he be able to last without insulting every single one of them? No. No he wouldn't. Therefore he wouldn't even bother to try.

Yanking on a black T-shirt and dark skinny jeans, Talon cursed at his lack of mobility. Honestly the fabric polymer he'd invented was so clearly superior to denim- why'd the high school fashion scene have to disagree? Whatever, the evil henchman-on-hold decided, he'd just make a better denim and craft his jeans out of that. Some purple and grey striped hoodie was the finishing touch to his civvy ensemble.

Now he'd have to go to school, but first school.

* * *

Penny yawned as she stretched her limbs in the training room. "Time for my morning work out," the girl murmured under her yawn.

"Penny!" cried out Inspector Gadget as he seemed to appear from nowhere, "have you seen my hat?" As her uncle continued rambling about hat-stealing MAD agents, the blonde noticed his hat slide over to them.

"Gadget!" Proclaimed the chief as his head popped from the accessory. "You have a mission! MAD is suspected to have been involved in a series of robberies. You need to put a stop to it!" Inspector Gadget looked carefully at his mission specs.

"Oh great," Penny mumbled as she rolled her eyes, "now I have to go run into the super annoying Talon once again."

Not much later an explosion could be heard.

* * *

Riding his bike into the school's parking lot, Talon's ego was treated quite nicely with the large amount of stares he was receiving. It was nice to be noticed and acknowledged- a welcome change from his home life. However the real Pièce de résistance was after he parked. The collective gasp of nearby girls when he took off his helmet was a tremendous self-esteem boost. Maybe high school wouldn't be so bad.

Talon had yet to take five steps before a girl with obviously bleached blonde hair sidled up next to him. The clack-clack sound of her heels falling in step with his footfalls was her introduction. "Hi, you're new, right?" The girl's voice was so heavily coated to sweetness it took a moment to process. However she had already continued on before he had a chance to respond. "Well, welcome to Liberty Central High! I'm Carol, Carol Hopkins. Can I help you find your first class?"

Carol was cute- excitable, small, and bouncy. She had one of those smiles that was beyond infectious. Offering the girl a smile in return, Talon decided he'd play nice for now.

"Sure, I just need to pick up my schedule from the front office first," the boy said kindly.

Walking alone with the girl, the evil genius got to know his new acquaintance. Carol was the kind of person who was friends with almost everyone. As such it was suiting that she'd be the one greeting newcomers. Carol was also very honest and blunt.

"You're, like, seriously really hot, ya know?" the blonde announced from nowhere. Talon's eyebrows shot up at the compliment.

"I certainly like to think so," Talon replied, only partially joking.

"No, I don't think you get it," Carol answered back as though insulted, "like listen. You are smokin' hot, get it? You're an 100% swipe-right, see in an instapic and stalk every soc. profile you own kinda guy, get me?"

"Ha ha," the evil genius laughed, "I'm afraid I don't. Care to break it down for me?"

"Alright, so like a girl is looking at the instagram photos of her friends' friends' cousin's girlfriend's brother and then there you are in one of his photos with him. Any sane girl like immediately looks for you in every single one of his photos in order to figure out who you are and what your account is. Now she'll like find you on all social media she can and like start to figure out how to introduce herself to you. Strategizing and like next thing you know she knows you better than you do."

"I doubt that," the henchman-on-hold said with a laugh, "I mean, how would this girl be able to recognize my superiority complex arisen from parental rejection?"

The bleach blonde beauty stared at her new companion dumbstruck. "Oh. My. Gawd. You're like one of those really hot and smart guys, right?! Holy shit! Like please tell me you're good at sports- Ah! And that you've got cash to spare and you've got like a stellar sense of humor!"

"Well, I'm a grand master in martial arts, I live in… something akin to a mansion- or rather, I'll be honest, it's a castle. As for humor, I find myself downright hilarious, but you can't really take my word for that, can you?" Glancing down at the short blonde, he cracked a grin, "I will say that in my… line of work, I'm known for my one-liners."

A very serious face overcame Carol. "Look, like that settles it. You are going to date me or like else I'll have to out your perfectness to the entire school and you'll never be left alone. Girls! Girls everywhere!"

Talon laughed heartily. "Oh gods, whatever shall I do? Penny will be so heartbroken."

"Penny?" the blonde asked raising an eyebrow. She grinned wryly.

Blushing, the evil teen admired his converse. "Hah, she's- she's uhh…"

"Hey shorty!" A feminine voice interrupted him. "Who's your new friend?"

"Heather…" hissed the petite girl as she and the hispanic teen turned around. Where Carol was cute, Heather was hot. The new arrival had a dynamite body, vigorously tamed red hair worked into perfect curls, and cat eye make-up that screamed ferocity. She exuded confidence.

"The name's Talon," the teen genius offered with an award winning smile.

* * *

"Brain," Penny said as she turned to face her dog, "you watch after Uncle Gadget. I'll go on ahead!" This was how it always was. She would go it alone to save the day from MAD. Talon would appear; they'd fight. He'd say his stupidly hilarious one-liners and she'd kick his butt. The world would be saved. The formula worked.

Now that she was alone Talon would appear any second now with a witty line that made her fake disgust. Any second now… Frowning the blonde looked around suspiciously; where was the familiar call of 'hey pretty Penny'?

"Where is he?" She growled as she crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. This was really throwing her off. Was no one going to try and stop her destroying the plan?

Where was the super annoying Talon?

* * *

"AP Physics?!" Heather exclaimed as she looked over her new boy toy's schedule, "but you're only a sophomore!"

"He's like a genius!" Carol cried out, snatching the schedule from the redhead's hands, "duh!" Scowling he taller girl huffed angrily.

"Ladies please," he called, "there is no need to act so hostile."

"Yeah, Heather," the short blonde grinned wickedly, "Talon's already got a girl, she's named Penny!"  
"I'm sure," the taller girl spoke softly, "I could change his mind about that." Her fingers danced along his jawline. "You know, I've always wanted to date a smart guy." Talon laughed awkwardly.

High school seemed to be quite the dangerous place.

* * *

Penny frowned as she typed in the code to the computer. Even as the diabolical ice cream factory around her began to shut down no one arrived to interfere. The blonde didn't even know why MAD had commandeered the ice cream factory to begin with without Talon to explain the plan to her.

There was an obvious emptiness present yet the HQ agent couldn't describe it. It certainly wasn't because of Talon missing- was it?

* * *

School was remarkably easy and everywhere Talon turned there were more girls vying for his attention: Cute Carol, Hot Heather, Gorgeous Gloria, Beautiful Brittany, Rockin' Rachel, Smokin' Sam; the alliteration was never ending.

Waltzing down the hall, the Hispanic teen had a flock of bewitching girls behind him. A single day in school and he was already king.

"Hey! You're the new kid, right?" an angry voice called out. At the end of the hall was an infuriated jock. "You stole my Brittany!" Charging forward the muscled senior prepared to ram into the smaller boy. With a smirk Talon flipped the jock over his shoulder letting his enemy crash to the floor with a bang.

"Oh my gawd!" Squealed his crowd of fans. The evil genius ran a hand through his hair and continued nonchalantly walking down the hall.

"Hey, so are you like going home now?" Cute Carol asked as she squeezed into step next to him.

"Yeah, it is the end of the school day after all," the henchman-on-hold replied cheekily. All the girls giggled as though it were the funniest thing they'd ever heard. "See you chickadees later."

"Bye Talon!" chorused the newly forming fan club.

Exiting the school and hopping on his bike the teen genius glanced back warily at the building. Sure it was nice to be showered with attention but if he wasn't careful, things could get out of control. The sound of his bike revving calmed Talon down as he zoomed out of the school parking lot.

The Hispanic teen knew he wasn't supposed to be on any missions currently and yet he'd discovered some information too good to pass up.

* * *

"What's wrong Penny, my girl?" the lanky biomechanical man asked as he sat beside his pouting niece.

"I-I," how could the girl even begin to explain that she was upset because the mission had been too easy because her personal annoyance and all around pain in the butt hadn't shown up to complicate things.

"I see!" Gadget announced with a eureka pose, "this can be one thing… boy troubles." The blonde stiffened immediately.

"N-No! No! I don't like him that way or at all!" Catching herself, the agent in training backpedalled, "I mean, him? Who? I don't even have any guy-nope- I don't even know any guys." Awkward laughter was the cherry on top for the horrible train wreck that was her response.

"You're at that age, Penny, when everything seems to be changing. Icky boys with cooties are now cute boys with nice cars," her uncle began.

"Oh god," Penny murmured as her uncle gave her the puberty speech.

* * *

"I'm so glad you decided to take me up on my offer," Heather purred while snuggling into Talon's side.

"How could I possibly say no?" the teen genius replied with a smile, "when you so kindly extended an invitation to me to our mansion?" The red-head giggled as an army of butlers opened the gigantic double doors leading to her home. "Why do you live in such a ginormous house?"

"Ah, Daddy is a politician, one of the big ones. Uhm, he is… he is a… Oh yeah! Progress man!"

"A congressman?" the boy ignored her mistake entirely, "that is amazing!"

"Come on!" She called as she pulled him through her large estate, "let's go play tennis! We have a court out back!"

"Heather," called a strong voice from behind the teens. Turning around Talon saw an elderly white man who was well groomed with a bit of a muffin top.

"Oh, hi Daddy!" Heather said sweetly.

"Hello pumpkin," his wrinkled eyes shifted from the girl to her friend, "and who might this young man be?"

"My name is Talon," the evil genius offered his hand to the congressman, "I must say, Mr. Heathecliffe, I'm a bit of a fan of your work."

"Oh really?" The elderly man asked in surprise as he accepted the handshake.

"Absolutely. Your action on the most recent health care bill was brilliant! Thanks to your words, you swayed the congress and shut down the bill before it could pass. Why, you practically single-handedly saved the economy!"

Laughing heartily, Mr. Heathecliffe shook the teen's hand vigorously, "well, I'll be damned if free health care becomes an option here in America! You're quite a well-informed kid. Most American youths don't know anything about their government these days- wanting gay marriage and voting liberal- Hah!"

"That's just it, Daddy!" Heather exclaimed excitedly, "he isn't American, he is Canadian!" The redhead was bouncing as she presented her love interest to her father.

"Yes sir," Talon said, remaining confident, "it is my hope to one day fully immigrate to your great nation. Canada has always been too… socialist for my tastes."

"Ah yes," the man nodded sagely, "those damn communists up North- no worries son, one day we'll annex all of Canada!"

The evil genius grinned painfully. This conversation was beginning to physically hurt him. For a while the political talk continued until he finally seemed to gain the congressman's trust.

"Well, my boy, I must say I'd never thought Heather would find such a fine suitor all on her own. And here I thought I'd need to arrange a marriage. Glad to have you as part of the family." Laughing awkwardly Talon rubbed the back of his head. "I'm hoping to see you around here a lot more often."

* * *

A month, a whole month, had passed since she'd last seen Talon. Missions were ridiculously easy and nowhere near as fun. Penny actually missed the nuisance.

Where was he? What if he was hurt? What if he had defected from evil and his uncle couldn't let that happen? What if he was being held captive in some far off underground mountain prison? What if he was being tortured? Or brainwashed into being evil again?

The blonde was constantly haunted by fears of her cru- nemesis' fate and she hated that she cared. In her free time she'd begun to track him down. Utilizing her every lead into MAD and hacking skills, all she could find was a crappy old website with MADcat's image all over it in an almost archaic pixelated style. Yet, despite her trials in futility the girl couldn't stop. She was desperate.

"Penny," the chief said as he appeared from nowhere, "I have a mission for you and your uncle. Intel suggests that MAD is targeting the Heathecliffe family."

"You mean the corrupt American congressman?" the blonde asked, tilting her head slightly.

"Yes," the man nodded, "we don't know what they want from them but you and Gadget are in charge of guarding the family."

"I assumed you're telling me so Uncle Gadget won't blow you up?"

"Exactly!" said the chief as he vanished once more.

"Heathecliffe, huh?"

* * *

"Happy one month anniversary, Talon!" Heather whispered in his ear as she came up from behind him.

"Hi there, hottie," the evil genius said as he wrapped an arm around her waist. "I've got something great planned for our anniversary, just wait and see."

"Okay," the redhead grinned as she kissed him goodbye on the cheek and continued on to class.

One month, one whole month, he'd spent in the doldrums of High School. Girls, beautiful and gorgeous girls were everywhere and yet he was bored. He missed Penny- pretty Penny. Hopefully once he'd pulled off his heist he'd be able to go on missions again.

Talon really missed the blonde. She was exciting- she made trying and even losing fun. But here everything was an easy win- there was no challenge. With a huff, the evil genius ran a hand through his hair and continued to class.

* * *

"Hello sir," the blonde greeted the large man, "I'm Penny Brown and this is my uncle, Inspector Gadget. We're the experts on the evil organization that is targeting you and your family."

"Thank you, little lady," the congressman shook her hand, "glad to hear your uncle here is willing to help my poor family out."

Glancing at the luxurious mansion around her, the blonde nodded slowly. "Yeah."

"I'm most worried for my daughter, Heather. She is a sweet girl and all too trusting. I'm glad I can count on her boyfriend to keep her safe."

"Sir," Penny replied goodnaturedly, "the average teenage boy is rarely capable of dealing with an evil organization."

"Ah," the man chuckled, "that may be so but you don't know Talon."

* * *

Talon waited patiently for his girlfriend to arrive at his motorcycle. With a slight frown he regarded her bedazzled pristine helmet sitting next to his dark purple one. Heather loved riding on his motorcycle with him.

"Talon!" Speak of the devil. "Lets go home, I have something special I want to show you for our anniversary."

"Alright, beautiful," the teen straddled his bike and pulled on his helmet, "let's go." In no time the two were off and on the road with the redhead's arms wrapped tightly around her boyfriend's torso.

"This is the best feeling in the whole wide world! I just wish it didn't mess up my hair!" cried out the congressman's daughter as they zoomed down the street. Turning a corner, Talon noticed a dark van pull onto the main road behind him. On it's side was a bright red cat head.

"You've got to be kidding me," the teen muttered as he looked back at Heather. "Hey, beautiful, I need you to hold on tight. We've got some uninvited guests." Nodding vigorously, the girl buried her face in the genius' back. Talon sped up and began to take a convoluted path. One of the van windows rolled down and a hand brandishing a MAD gun took aim from it. Swerving to dodge the globs of pink goo, Talon cursed. This wasn't going to work.

"Pe-" he bit his tongue, "I mean, Heather! They're gaining on us! I'm going to pull over and take care of them. When I stop, you hide!" He pulled off the road and routed through a park. Zigzagging through trees the couple merged onto the road on the other side of the park and pulled into an alleyway. "Hide now!" The genius ordered as he turned to face the alleyway opening. As Heather ducked behind a dumpster, Talon dug through his pockets. "Here it is!"

Pulling a small purple device from his pocket, the evil teen genius threw his invention at the ground in front of him. It exploded into ribbons of spikes that rolled out across the concrete ground. This'd stop the van.

Calculating the rate of friction versus the van's momentum in his head, Talon took a few steps back. As the van came screeching into the alleyway, the boy watched in amusement as he vehicle came to a halting stop only centimeters in front of where he stood.

As the henchmen piled out the evil genius couldn't hold back his grin. Finally something interesting. Settling back into his favorite fighting stance the Hispanic teen let those who would normally be his underlings bum rush him.

Heather watched in awe as her boyfriend flipped and rebounded off alley walls in order to knock down their pursuers. He punched one guy in the face while kicking another coming from behind him at the same time. The redhead felt like a princess being protected by her knight in shining armor. There was no way she'd ever let Talon break up with her.

* * *

Penny frowned as she stood guard by the front door. His name was Talon? It had to be a coincidence. Her Talon was currently MIA- probably locked up in a remote tower hidden in the Andes. Just as she was finally starting to accept her explanation the front door slammed open and hit her in the face.

"Oh my gawd! Daddy!" cried out a redheaded teen as she ran into the congressman's arms. "You won't believe it! On our way back these guys in vans came but then Talon protected me, he beat them up all by himself." As Penny backed away she noticed a teen wearing a purple motorcycle helmet walk into the room.

"Talon, my boy," Mr. Heathecliffe called joyfully, "you've made this old man proud."

With a chuckle, he reached up and to remove his helmet. "It was no problem, sir, after all," his gelled hair bounced up when it was freed from its restraints, "I was just doing what I could to protect my beautiful girlfriend."

"T-Talon?!" The blonde on the sidelines asked shakily. She knew that voice and she knew that hair. Hell, she even knew that smell but she couldn't believe it. Turning to look at her, the teen was definitely Talon and yet he showed no recognition of her. There was no call of 'Hey Pretty Penny.'

Noticing the way this other girl was looking at her boyfriend, Heather leapt from her father and latched back onto the evil genius. "Talon, sweetie," he looked at her, "do you know this girl?" Both girls were anxious to hear the answer.

Shaking his head, the Hispanic teen turned to face the redhead full-on. "I've got no idea who she is," he said with a shrug. Penny's heart shattered. Was he faking? Had he actually forgotten her? It'd only been a month! Had he truly been brainwashed? Why was he protecting this girl from MAD? He was from MAD!

For the life of her, Penny had no idea what was going on. Her blue eyes stayed trained on the boy before her. She was going to find out.

* * *

What was this situation?! First his uncle gets involved in his plot and now HQ was in on it too?! He was forced to ignore Penny!

Penny!

He'd saved up so many witty one-liners for when they were reunited and now he had to pretend she didn't even exist. It was so beyond fair that he'd need to create a new word. Extrajudgible? The latin roots worked. More than anything it was torture.

"Come one, Talon!" Heather purred in his ear, "I've got a surprise for you!" She dragged him by his hand up one of the many sets of stairs in her household. The evil genius had a bad feeling he knew where this was going. At the top of the stairs the redhead wrapped her arms around his neck and initiated a make-out session.

Talon couldn't refuse.

* * *

"MAD agents are everywhere!" exclaimed Inspector Gadget to the congressman and his trophy wife. Penny tuned out the adults' conversation as she stared at the staircase the teens had gone up earlier.

What was going on with Talon? Creeping up the stairs after them, the blonde stayed silent and alert as she tried to track the couple down. A high-pitched giggle drew her attention. Talon, or at least the Talon look alike, was wedged between the wall and the groping redhead pressing herself against him. Interestingly, even as this gorgeous teen was all over him, the boy's expression remained placid and bored. But when the girl pulled away to look at him, his face suddenly morphed to that of a typical horny teenager.

Without a doubt this heroic boyfriend was faking it.

"Oh, Talon," Heather whimpered as she wrapped her limbs around the teen, "you're like my knight in shining armor." As she ran kisses along his jaw, the boy just chuckled goodnaturedly.

"And you're my precious princess," he said as he captured her chin in his hand and tilted her head to look in her eyes, "which is why I need to protect you. I'm going to go talk to your father and the H- the security people about making sure you stay safe." Expertly maneuvering out of her embrace, Talon gave Heather a heart melting grin before beginning to walk away.

The blonde didn't react quick enough, too busy reveling in the joy of the revelation; in a moment the Hispanic teen was in front of her, surprised at her appearance, as the redhead scrambled after him. His thick eyebrows were far above his amber eyes.

"Pe-" His voice was cut off by an explosion from the front of the house. Turning to the source of the sudden cacophony, the henchman-on-hold's fists tightened. The HQ agent couldn't tear her eyes away from the boy in front of her; had he been about to say her name? His eyes were on her, not his supposed girlfriend, as he spoke urgently. "We're under attack! We need to get to a better place to fight! This hallway is too narrow!"

Lifting Heather over his shoulder, Talon grabbed Penny's hand and sprinted down the hallway. The blonde fought a blush down despite the strange situation they were in. Screaming in terror, the redhead on the boy's shoulder began to cry.

"Why is this happening to me?!" She sobbed as she buried her face into her boyfriend's back.

"I don't know why MAD is targeting you and your family," Penny called out to the hysteric girl. Back into her official agent mode, she glared at the teen holding her hand, "but he might?"

"Whaaaaaat?" Talon asked sarcastically as he dragged both girls around a corner, "how could I possibly know anything about these crazy guys with cats painted on everything? That's just ridiculous!" Whipping around, the evil genius dropped both companions, "Enemies inbound, five of them- robots."

Just as he'd said five purple cat-covered robots came rolling around the corner. The two agents immediately jumped into action. Penny swept her legs under the closest opponent to knock it down while Talon jumped in the air and sent a kick into another robot's head. The two robots slammed into one another and partially exploded. Wall jumping upwards the boy genius brought down another robot with a gravity propelled axe-kick as his female counterpart used her handheld holographic computer to shortcircuit another. Both teens turned to face the last robot.

"Dibs!" proclaimed Talon as he crouched down to to pounce on his foe.

"Dibs?!" The blonde asked incredulously, "you can't call dibs on an enemy!"

"I just did," the evil boy smirked, "Here, I'll do it again. Dibs!" Penny watched with her hands on her hips as Talon dispatched the last robot. He was so childish. His grin faded as he tilted his head slightly. "More are coming. We need to move!"

Once again tossing his girlfriend over his shoulder, Talon took off, this time leaving Penny to run by herself. Every hallway led into another hallway, the mansion stretching on and on.

"How big is this mansion?!" The Hispanic teen cried out exasperatedly. "We need-!" His face lit up in epiphany. Screeching to a stop, the evil genius whirled a dizzy Heather off of his shoulder and held her tight. "Heather, gorgeous, it isn't safe here. Where is the safest room in your house?"

"Uhm," the redhead's eyes struggled to focus on her boyfriend, "there's this one secret room. My Daddy keeps all of his most important records there. We can hide in there…"

"Perfect!" Talon proclaimed as he passionately kissed the confused girl, "lead us there!" Penny watched the exchange in frustration, biting her lip and bunching her fists. What was he trying to prove, showing her all this PDA?

* * *

Sitting silently in the small room hidden behind a bookshelf, the teens stewed. The tension in the air was unbearably thick, making the room feel as though it were filled to the brim with syrup. Heather, having long since noticed the way Penny looked at Talon, was all over her boyfriend, petting and pecking. The blonde was scowling at the couple. Talon was busy trying to keep the redhead's hands outside his clothes and above the waist.

"So," the Hispanic teen said, desperate for anything other than his girlfriend's heavy petting. "Why is this room hidden?"

"Ugh," the congressman's daughter pouted as she pulled away, "it's 'cause this is where Daddy keeps his most important books… like this one little black book, it's super important to him. I think it's like his diary or something. He brings it with him anytime he goes to a meeting with someone important. He keeps it in that safe." The teen rolled her eyes as she tilted her head towards a small, inconspicuous safe in the far corner of the room.

"Really?" Something about Talon's tone made Penny growl as she sat up to confront the boy.

"What is with you?!" She suddenly shouted, not sure why she couldn't reign in her emotions. The blonde seethed as he simply raised an eyebrow at her. "You've been gone -missing- for a month! I was worried sick about you! I thought you'd been locked away in some isolation camp in Cambodia by your uncle! But now you're living it up, dating some rich, stuck-up politician's daughter and pretending you don't even know me?!" Why was she losing control- this wasn't like her.

Talon grit his teeth. Why did this have to be so hard? If only his uncle hadn't gotten involved. If only MAD hadn't brought HQ -brought Penny- here! He was so close to his end goal. Just a little bit longe- The evil genius noticed the tears in his justice-oriented counterpart's eyes.

"You really missed me that much?" He asked slyly. Both girls were taken aback. With a chuckle, Talon stood and calmly walked to the far wall.

"Y-You really know this- this nbody?" Heather asked in shock as she glared at the blonde. The HQ agent's eyes darted back and forth between the couple.

"Pretty Penny?" The girl genius' cheeks flushed, "of course I know her."

"Penny?! She is Penny?! Pretty Penny?!" The redhead suddenly screeched, "she is pretty?!" The two highly trained teens watched the girl explode, "You have called me everything- gorgeous, beautiful, hot, cute, EVERYTHING BUT PRETTY! Is she the reason why?! Is she the reason why I'm not pretty?!" In a fit of rage, the likes of which are only seen on reality TV, the congressman's daughter tackled the blonde to the ground. Wrestling with the snobby teen for some time, Penny finally managed to hit a pressure point and knock Heather out.

"What was that?!" The HQ agent demanded as she got up, trying to straighten her clothes and hair.

"Hm?" Talon asked, sitting with his hands resting behind his back. "Oh, you mean the ferocity of a high school girl? Yeah, it can get pretty rough. I had to deal with that crap for over a month. She is very emotionally demanding, Penny."

"Oh ha ha," the girl laughed dryly, "now explain. Why are you here?"

"Uncle Claw banned me from missions for a while. I've been lying low in her public high school. I decided to give normal teenage life a whirl. Next thing I know I'm protecting my girlfriend from robot kidnappers," the evil genius answered nonchalantly.

The blonde raised an eyebrow suspiciously, but his story seemed to check out. There was just one thing bothering her. "Why her?" she muttered, glaring at the redhead.

"What was that?" Talon asked.

"Why her?!" Penny shouted, face red.

"Oh," the boy genius blanked, "uh, curiosity I guess. She is way different than the girls I usually see- that being namely you."

Sliding down the wall to sit beside him, the blonde glanced at her rival. "So you never called her pretty, huh?"

"You're pretty," he offered, his face slightly red, "or at least that is what you told me your name was when we first met." His joking grin made her heart flutter.

"Oh shut up." The HQ agent muttered as she buried her face in her arms.

* * *

An hour or so later HQ had cleared out all of MAD's robots. The teens were able to leave the room with Talon holding an unconscious Heather. All seemed well as Penny left with HQ while the boy stayed behind with his girlfriend and her family.

Penny was in the middle of a training exercise the next day when she and Gadget got an urgent call to come to Mr. Heathecliffe's house.

"They stole something important of mine during the raid yesterday!" proclaimed the disheveled and upset man.

"What was it?" Penny asked, taking notes for their case report on her holographic computer.

"Ah," the American froze and tried to straighten his posture, "well, it was… files! Important- very important- files! I keep them in a little black book - but if you find it you are not to look at it's contents! They are classified!" He jiggled as he shouted.

"Black book…" the blonde mumbled.

Suddenly the front door slammed open. "Daddy!" wailed Heather as she rocketed into her father's side. "Daddy, Talon broke up with me!" Penny bit back a smile as the redhead sobbed.

"What?!" the elderly man exclaimed.

"He said he'd gotten everything he needed from me and that- that he had no use for me anymore!" the girl shrieked.

The blonde dropped her hands in shock.

He hadn't-

* * *

Snickering, Talon leafed through the pages of the black book in his hand. "Blackmail material on every other world leader and power figure for the next thirty years. Not bad for a month's work." The evil genius slipped the notebook into his backpack and put on his helmet. His motorcycle roared to life as he drove away from his now empty apartment.


	4. Chemistry

Author's Note:

More henchniece or Talpen or whatever this ship is! Alright, let's cover our bases here. I know I'm updating rather quickly but I swear guys, I'm usually not this fast! Eventually I'm going to hit a bump, run out of inspiration, or get distracted. I'll try to keep my active streak for as long as possible but I'm not too efficient at the whole staying on task for long periods of time thing. I blame the American government but hey, that's just me. Anyway, I love that you guys love this but please don't get too high of expectations for me- I'm terrified I'll fail to meet them.

shouldercookie: I get what you're saying about Talon being OOC, but it is hard to write him properly and canonically due to the cartoon's unstable format. The Inspector Gadget cartoon is messy and lacks continuity, doing things like randomly giving Penny claustrophobia for only a single episode. The cartoon barely fleshes out their characters, leaving a lot of blank space for interpretation. I like to kind of force more depth into the characters, for example by identifying Talon's need to show off and always be in the spotlight as a result of his emotionally abusive upbringing. The cartoon treated personalities like an a la carte menu, picking and choosing traits per episode depending on what would be most convenient for the plot. Real people don't act the way canonical Talon does, if they did they'd be diagnosed with multiple personality disorders and put through rigorous therapy. I tried to find an actual, as in psychologically possible, consistent personality in the constantly shifting form to use in these fanfictions. Naturally some bias slipped into the mix because I'm a fan of the misunderstood bad boy. Thus this noncanonical version of Talon was born! But I still understand your concerns and I definitely pumped up Talon a little too much in the previous shot. I dunno, he is always losing so I felt like he should get a chance to win one. Or many. So fair warning, I'll aim for a slightly more canonical Talon in the future, but beware for this one shot is another little treat for the boy's self-esteem. He needs it. Do you think I should include an obligatory TalonOOC in the summaries of shots where it is more applicable?

Man, I just keep bearing you guys down with these author's notes at the beginning. Sheesh me, learn to shut up.

* * *

Title: Chemistry

Word Count: 3094

Genre: slight-Romance / Drama (I guess) / I don't know

Summary: AU - non-secret-agent - Penny was terrified of failing at the mathlete championship, that was until she received a pep talk on the roof from a handsome stranger.

Rating: T

* * *

"Welcome Mathletes from all around the nation!" proclaimed the large man in a pressed suit on the stage, "I hope you're prepared because by mid-day tomorrow we will have our new national champion!" As excited cheers sounded from the high schoolers and teachers down below the announcer smiled. "And to the first prize winner goes a college scholarship the size of which'll make your dreams come true!" Whoops and hollers from the uncharacteristically loud crowd filled the air. In the center of the crowd stood a blonde teen.

Penny Brown felt her heart fluttering at the speed of a hummingbird's. She was entirely prepared to go into cardiac arrest at this point. The overwhelming pressure of succeeding here was too much to bear for an average high school girl. Granted the blonde didn't feel like a typical high schooler. Her peers spent hours choosing outfits and make-up and hairstyles; they expended so much effort in looking good that it showed. Her classmates were gorgeous, primped and primed to perfection. However the studious Penny had no skill nor time to develop said skill of transformation. Instead the mathlete was plain. Never wearing anything more than chapstick and only ever bothering to brush her hair and put it in pigtails, the girl was as plain as she could be. Even in the crowd of people that should've been in a similar state of general averageness, the blonde still felt nonexistent.

A gasping wheeze and sound of an inhaler beside her snapped her out of her little self-pity party. The girl didn't have the luxury to cross examine her own social standing at the time. She needed to study.

"Penny!" called out a nasal voice from behind her. Turning around the mathlete found a fellow participant from her school, HQ Academy for the Gifted. "Let's go back to our hotel room to do last minute drills before the tourney tomorrow morning!" Nodding, the blonde followed after her classmate. Her insecurity could wait- she had a duty to study.

* * *

"No, I swear my patronus is a deer- just like Harry!" defended an HQ student loudly in the room. Penny growled as she covered her ears and tried to focus on her work.

"Dude, stop being such a Gary Stu. Your fanfictions are bad enough- I don't need you likening yourself to the one that lived." The snarky reply of another wasn't helping.

"Oh shut up! You wanna talk chuunbiyo syndrome? Every online personality quiz you take, you always conveniently end up as either the main or most liked character!"

"How could-"

The blonde abruptly stood up from her desk in frustration. Her roommates briefly paused their conversation before continuing.

"I am not biased in my personality quiz results. I'm just a natural-born leader-like Kirk-, a wandering loner drifting from place to place -like Dean Winchester-, a brilliant and misunderstood badass -like-" Penny was out of the room and going anywhere else just to prevent her possibly murdering someone.

The stressed mathlete needed peace, fresh air, silence, anything to calm her down. Spying a door with signs claiming rooftop access, the girl decided to take a risk. She hoped the statistically high rates of asthma amongst her competitors might deter them from appearing in this new domain. It was the height of pollen season and many were trying to avoid going outdoors at any cost. Penny had genetics to thank for her ability to stand outside.

The stairway leading up to the roof was eery. Everything was concrete and the lighting was sparse. Sounds echoed powerfully within the vertical corridor. Questionable stains littered the floor. Despite all this the mathlete felt no apprehension; she felt no need to dwell on her surroundings because they were quiet and peaceful. Instead she calmly travelled up the stairs till she was confronted by a large metal door. RESTRICTED ACCESS was painted across it in large red letters. If she went beyond this door, would she be locked out? What were the moral implications of her trespassing so as to attain peace of mind? Yet even as she realized she could become trapped atop the hotel, the blonde found she simply didn't have the capacity to care. All of her focus had already been claimed by the math competition.

A brilliantly brisk blast of air hit her head on when she defiantly swung open the door. For a moment Penny found peace. Then her eyes landed on the sole figure occupying the roof.

He was quiet- which was a relief as the mathlete would travel no further for sanctuary- but everything about him was a part of a different world than the blonde inhabited. To begin with his purpose for coming to the roof was apparently to do push-ups. This teen was obviously physically fit but not in an obnoxiously bulky way. It was easy to tell he was healthy, which was attractive. His face, quite reasonably, was well structured. A smooth jawline, dark eyes, thick yet shapely eyebrows, an angular yet not overwhelming nose, prominent cheek bones, not to mention the overall symmetry- this boy was severely attractive. Naturally tan skin- he appeared to be Hispanic- and carefully styled coal black hair were the cherries on top. All in all this guy was entirely too attractive to be anywhere near this gathering of nerds.

He was probably bored out of his mind at this math geek festival. If she had to guess, the girl would likely pin him as a contestant's older -cooler- brother. On the bright side, this most likely meant his standards far above Penny and so he would leave her alone.

The blonde walked in a wide berth around him, intent on finding herself a nice spot without alerting him to her presence. Were it another time, a less stressed time, Penny would usually be more friendly. However the girl had no excess capacity for kindness currently. Settling down quietly on the concrete roof, the mathlete tried to keep to herself.

Yet somehow fated intervened. The entirely too attractive brother groaned as he ceased his push-ups and stood to loosen his muscles and stretch. While in the midst of some ridiculous looking stretching motion, his dark amber eyes fell on her.

"Oh sorry," he said, nonchalantly waltzing over, 'I hadn't realized anyone else was up here." Penny hummed in acknowledgement, hoping her reluctance to engage in a conversation was obvious. Why was he even talking to her? "So," he continued in spite of her coldness, "what brings you up here?"

Irritability took over as she shot him a glare. "I wouldn't expect you, as the brother of a contestant, to understand."

His perfectly sculpted eyebrows shot up before he began laughing. "Really? How could you tell?"

The blonde scoffed, more willing to engage in the conversation when it was about her intellectual abilities. "Seriously? Look at you."

"What's your point?" Somehow he couldn't comprehend the role stereotypes had to play in her deduction.

"You're-" suddenly it was embarrassing to admit straight to his face that she found the teen attractive. Blushing, Penny continued. "You're really attractive and athletic. Statistically people like you don't compete in events like these."

Her conversation partner raised an eyebrow curiously. "Sure, but look at you. You're beautiful and seem quite fit."

His comment brought energy back to her. The blonde once again had the capacity to feel beyond anxiety for tomorrow, as was evident by the morphing of her face into a fire truck. "I ONLY RUN TRACK BECAUSE IT LOOKS GOOD ON COLLEGE APPS! NO WAIT! That isn't the point! I-" she simply couldn't comprehend the words, "I'm beautiful? You're kidding right?"

The teen's eyebrows furrowed- the blonde really needed to stop fixating on his eyebrows. "Why would I be kidding?" His expression was entirely serious. "You're absolutely beautiful."

How? What? This made no sense. He was clearly top-tier on the social ladder. He'd only date or be attracted to or hit on the best- the most beautiful. Penny had no make-up, her hair was pulled into two pigtails, her clothes weren't flattering, she didn't even have big boobs. The stress of the conversation was counterproductive to her coming to the roof in the first place. The blonde was most certainly not at peace.

"I-I NEED TO GO!" She shouted as she stood abruptly to race back downstairs.

"Good luck tomorrow!" Her companion called out as she ran away.

* * *

Back in the safety of her hotel room, Penny locked herself in the bathroom only to stare at herself in the mirror. Running her hands over her face, the blonde tried to understand how she could be interpreted as beautiful. Where was the appeal? Her eyes weren't surrounded by smokey black that made her dark lashes seem to intensify. There was no concealer to hide the lone, small pimple balancing to the side of the tip of her nose, her lips weren't painted the color of a valentine's day card… she was normal.

"Approach the problem analytically," the mathlete murmured to herself, "we already know what I don't have. So what do I have?" she began listing qualities of herself. The minute pimple on her nose was alone, so decently good skin. Her lip's natural color, a soft, rosy pink, was evident due to the lack of other pigmentation- that certainly seemed like a positive trait. Admittedly she had a petite and up turned nose which many people had plastic surgery to obtain. Finally her eyes settled on their reflection, large, blue, and clear framed by dark lashes that- Oh My Darwin. She actually was an acceptable standard of beauty. Penny was beautiful.

The blonde traced a finger around her heart shaped jaw line, eyes still trained on her reflection. If she was attractive - which admittedly she was- was she socially qualified to date an attractive boy- perhaps, for example, the one she'd met on the roof? In that instant, blood rushed to her cheeks as her heart rate picked up speed. A whirlwind of thoughts danced in her mind and all she could do to cease the chaos was slap herself.

Penny needed to focus. Tomorrow was the competition. Stealing one last glance at herself in the mirror, he mathlete smiled.

She was beautiful.

* * *

The next morning marked the beginning of the competition. The blonde was bursting with confidence. No longer was she plain Penny; she was pretty Penny. She knew such a large portion of her self-esteem shouldn't be derived from what the other sex thought of her and yet she had to admit it felt nice to be acknowledged.

The first portion of the competition was a written test without an audience in order to easily weed out the lesser majority. Penny breezed through it flawlessly, learning that only one student finished before her. It was no surprise when she qualified for the second round.

Much more interesting, the second portion was held between ten students at a time on a stage in front of an audience. A proctor would read a question and whichever student could work out the answer first would hit a buzzer, state the answer, and, if correct, receive a point. The first to five points would advance. This would continue until only two contestants were left.

While the second phase was easy, Penny found herself on edge the entire time. Why? Every now and then the boy from the roof would appear in the audience while she was onstage. Feeling like an eleven year old kid trying to impress his crush, the blonde would excel substantially. She continued winning until she made it to the finals.

The third stage, the finals, was a speed test like the second round but between only the two finalists and there would only be one question. In all honesty the female mathlete was proud of herself for just making it this far. Yet she still wanted to win- to prove her greatness in front of the teen from the roof.

"Our first finalist," the announcer jovially called out, "Penny Brown!" Cheers and applause greeted the blonde as she emerged onto the stage. Taking residence behind her podium equipped with three mechanical pencils, a full pad of paper, and a buzzer, Penny could feel the confidence flooding her veins. Whoever she was about to face, she would crush thoroughly if not simply because of the scholarship but also to impress the boy. Glancing into the crowd, the finalist frowned. She couldn't see the teen in the crowd- but where else could he be? This was the only thing going on right now. "And our second finalist," the man in the pressed suit turned to face the opposite side of the stage. Penny put on her game face as she prepared to face her opponent.. "Talon Claw!"

What a funny name, the blonde thought, as the curtain on the other end parted. It was her last coherent thought. Emerging from the curtain with playful waves and sarcastically blowing kisses to the audience was the boy from the roof - Talon, Talon was his name- and he had one hell of a shit eating grin on his face.

'Weren't you a brother?!' she mouthed angrily at him.

'I never said 'yes',' he mouthed back smugly, 'great job getting to the finals.' The worst part was that he seemed sincere in congratulating her. How could she have been so foolish to believe in some guy just because he called her beautiful?! So what?! She knew she was beautiful before he verified it- it was just a subconscious fact.

"Now for our championship question!" The Hispanic teen waggled his eyebrows at his opponent. Those eyebrows would be the death of her. "The topic is calculus," dammit, Penny scowled at her paper, she hadn't brushed up on calculus before the tourney at all. "Can you integrate the following?"

Even as the key to her future was on the line, the blonde couldn't help her mind slipping around thoughts of the boy across the stage from her. Shooting a glance at her rival, Penny noticed Talon working on his pad of paper, one eyebrow raised inquisitively while the other was scrunched down. Her eyes got caught on the sight. Penny was actually going to fail because of those goddamn eyebrows.

Forcing herself to work, the blonde started scribbling on her paper pad. Integration… the opposite of finding a derivative… increase the power of the variable and divide by the found number; keep in mind the chain rule and- a cough drew her focus back out. Talon was resting his chin on his palm while wearing a smirk as the fingers of his other hand danced over his buzzer. Was he actually teasing her right now? Scowling, the female mathlete narrowed her eyes. Was this a game to him? How arrogant was he? His perfectly shaped eyebrows- how could that be natural? - were raised high in amusement.

His grin widened as he flattened his hand and pressed down on the button.

* * *

As Talon stood on the stage, accepting his reward, Penny stood in the audience down below. She'd been played- there was no other way to interpret what'd happened. He quite simply couldn't be what he seemed at face value. He couldn't be an attractive, athletic, and astoundingly smart, yet somewhat arrogant and mischievous boy that she conveniently met on the roof who called her beautiful simply because he thought so which caused her to not study properly which was convenient as he would go on to face her in the finals. Surely, somehow he knew, he planned it, somehow, someway this was his fault. Surely she'd been sabotaged.

Sighing, Penny shook her head. The blonde knew it was all just coincidence- that he was what he'd seemed to be at face value- but it was easier to shift the blame for her loss onto him. Admittedly the girl was pleased to have met him and hoping to get to know him better. She smiled up at the champion on stage; his dark eyes fell on her and he smiled right back.

"You did well, Penny," proclaimed a lanky man suddenly appearing next to her. The mathlete jumped slightly in shock before calming down.

"Oh thanks, Uncle Gadget," she said.

"Yes," agreed a short blonde man standing next to her uncle, "you've made HQ Academy proud. We'd expect nothing less from the niece of our finest instructor."

"Thank you, Principal Chief," the blonde blushed, playing with the hem of her shirt.

"Shame you lost to the Claw kid though," the principal continued, looking up on the stage. The teen in question was no longer up there.

"What?" Penny asked.

"Hey Penny!" cried out a voice that made her heart skip a beat, "good job! You were a great opponent!" The Hispanic champion skidded to a stop beside the girl.

"Oh, oh, hi Talon," her face was fire engine red, "you did a great job too. Congratulations on winning."

"Talon!" called out a gruff voice from in the crowd. The boy stiffened and then grimaced. Turning around with her new friend, Penny watched a tall man in a dark, stiff suit shove his way past people to make it to the two teens. "Talon! What do you think you were doing?! Messing around at the end- what if that had cost us your victory?!"

"Well, Uncle Claw," Talon began, awkwardly rubbing the back of his head, "you see-"

"If it isn't Dr. Claw!" proclaimed Penny's principal, suddenly in front of the two teens, "principal and chairman of the private and exclusive MAD institution."

The blonde gasped. MAD was HQ's biggest rival school and their chairman was Talon's uncle.

"Oh ho ho," laughed the tall, dark man, "well, well Mr. Chief, come to admit defeat to my superior school?"

"Never!" exclaimed the short, blonde man.

"So," Penny said as she watched the grown men shout at each other like teenage girls, "you're the nephew of MAD's chairman, huh?"

"Yup," the Hispanic teen nodded, watching the fight in amusement, "and I suppose you're a student of HQ Academy then?"

"Yeah," the blonde said. Deciding to have a little fun, she spun around and held her head high. "Welp, that's the last we'll ever be seeing of each other. I can't go fraternizing with some MAD student." Walking off, she smirked at the sound of him stumbling after her.

"What?! Hey, wait! But we've got such good chemistry!" He protested.

"This is a math competition!" Penny called out without looking back.

"There is a ton of math in chemistry and you know it!"


	5. My Knight

Author's Notes: I'm shortening my notes at the beginning! Pretty soon they won't even be here! I'm starting to slow down but I've still got some fire in my veins. They'll keep coming but less frequently.

Title: My Knight

Word Count: 5484

Genre: Supernatural / Romance / Comedy / Tiniest twinge of horror

Summary: Protecting the princess in need was the knight's solemn duty.

Rating: T

* * *

"Uncle Claw, hurry up!" Talon shouted impatiently at the entrance of the lair. "We're going to be late!"

"I'm coming! I'm coming!" The gruff man cried out as he stumbled down the stairs, still polishing his claw. "Keep your special Polly-tar pants on!"

"Polymer!" the Hispanic teen declared grumpily, "Poly-mer! A special fabric-plastic combination of extreme durability that I designed! How do you not know this?! You're supposed to be a diabolical evil genius!"

"Well," the criminal mastermind declared as he straightened his tie at the bottom of the stairs, "excuuuse me, egghead. It's been awhile since I last hit the books."

"Egghead?" the boy asked in exasperation, "did you seriously just call me-?!"

"Enough dilly-dallying, Talon!" Dr. Claw exclaimed, already out the door. "We're going to be late because of you!"

"Me?!" The teen genius yelled angrily as he shut the door.

Climbing into the sleek purple and black car in the driveway, the man nodded, "Yes, now get in or we'll be late for my da-" he coughed loudly and awkwardly, "ahem, I mean, business meeting."

"Why did I have to come on your dumb dinner date with you?" Talon asked spitefully as he slumped down into the passenger seat.

"D-Dinner date?! No! No! I am merely meeting with Jeanette to discuss ev-evil planes- I mean plans!- and- and dastardly deeds that we could maybe do together…" His voice shrunk at the end. Silence occupied the car for a moment before Dr. Claw loudly spoke again. "Her daughter needed a companion to play with while she and I… meet. So you will be attending to her daughter- Joey."

"Great," the teen rolled his eyes. "I can't wait."

* * *

Jeanette was no mere woman. Under far less casual circumstances she was known as Lady Calamity and her daughter, Joey, was Girl Chaos.

Sitting across the small table, adorned with a velvety red table cloth and mood-setting fake candles, the teen genius observed his adversary. Joey was an attractive girl, just not his type. She was superstitious, religious, and anything in between. The girl was so thoroughly into the theological scene she couldn't tell the difference between science and scientology. Talon, as a man of science, could barely tolerate her.

Brushing a strand of purple hair behind her ear, the girl admired her companion. He was cute. "So," she purred while playing with her enchanted ring, "what astrological sign are you?"

"Astrology," the boy made no attempt to hide the distaste in his voice, "right, from my understanding I am a... capricorn." His birthday was late, late December- that was Capricorn, right?

Gasping in excitement the religious girl grinned and clasped her hands together below her chin. "Ah! I'm a Virgo! We're very compatible, you and I." Her heavy, red lipstick outlined her smile perfectly.

"Astrology is a bunch of-" The genius was cut off by a metal glove landing on his shoulder.

"Playing nice, I presume?" Dr. Claw asked menacingly.

"Yes, Uncle Claw," Talon groaned, shrugging the spiked weapon off his shoulder.

"Blood type?" Girl Chaos asked excitedly, leaning closer to her table mate.

"Uhh…" He knew his blood type, Talon had needed to give himself multiple blood transfusions after more dangerous missions. The teen just couldn't understand why she wanted to know. For a moment he was haunted by a thought of her sucking out all his blood to sell on the black market. Calming, he replied. "I'm type O."

Squealing the girl bounced in her seat. "I'm type AB! Type O men and type AB women are, like, super compatible!" Talon leaned back, trying to distance himself from Joey. "Okay! Okayokayokayokay! Your full name is Talon Claw, right?" Whipping out her phone the girl began typing furiously. She stopped and stared at the screen expectantly. "AH!" The girl was going to break glass. Joey shoved her phone's pink screen in the boy's face. "The love calculator by Dr. Love gave us 95%! That's like- the closest I've ever been! You're like… perfect for me!" Her dark eyes stared directly into his, "we were made for eachother."

"This," Talon said as he stood up sweating like a pig, "has been eventful but I think it is time I made my exit."

"You can't go yet! We are soul mates!"

"I-"

"TALON!" Wailed the grown man as he ran into the room. A laser followed him in, barely missing the villain. "WE ARE LEAVING."

"Oo," the Hispanic teen proclaimed with a grin, "too bad looks like I've got no choice." Nonchalantly saluting her with a grin, the boy villain followed his uncle out of the restaurant. "See ya never, Joey!"

The purple haired zealot frowned as she observed the door her soul mate had just walked out of. "MOM!" she shrieked as she swiped everything off the table she and Talon had shared. Fake candles and dishes clattered to the ground. "You scared away my SOUL MATE!" Digging her manicured nails into her overly treated hair, Joey cried out in desperation.

"Oh, sweetie," Lady Calamity cooed as she set down her gigantic laser gun, "I'm sorry he got away. Maybe you'll find him again. After all, you only have one soulmate."

Girl Chaos grinned. "Oh, he hasn't gotten away."

* * *

Everything started spiraling out of control a week after he'd met Girl Chaos. His morning pick me up of a roast of a new strain of coffee bean he'd bred himself had seemed off that morning. Spitting out the liquid like the paranoid villain he was, Talon noticed a strange object floating in the bottom of his periodic table of elements mug. It looked like a nit but he couldn't identify it; it was large, round, and riddled with holes. The boy slipped on a glove and then gingerly removed the foreign object from his coffee. Inspecting it he noticed a small heart and the letters T + J etched into the side. Understandably, Talon was terrified.

The nut and mug were taken to his lab to be experimented upon. He found that the hollow nut apparently had originally contained some sort of powder of unidentifiable quality and purpose. His favorite mug was sterilized while samples were taken from the corrupted roast. The Hispanic teen needed to know if an attempt had been made on his life. Using identifiers to look for arsenic, cyanide, and all the other classic poisons Talon found no traces of anything. He'd need a broader spectrum of tests. Unable to run them all himself due to time constraints, the boy genius left it up to a series of machines. By the end of the day the Hispanic teen would know what his opponent's intentions were.

Much to the genius' horror, anything he tried to ingest somehow became contaminated. Talon could only drink water after running it through an intense purification process that he oversaw each step of. In addition little scribbles began to haunt him. Hearts appeared etched into numerous surfaces: his bathroom mirror, his titanium body armor work in progress, his uncle's claw, shaved into MADcat's the hearts was the phrase T + J. Somehow it manaed to get even worse as every time he saw his own reflection rather than his image he saw a girl with purple hair smiling devilishly at him. Talon couldn't comprehend the events.

His uncle was no help, accusing Talon of trying to pull a prank and declaring that he wouldn't fall for it. His world was spinning out of control. The boy couldn't focus, couldn't think, couldn't participate in missions; he could barely function. The boy genius felt like his body was made of drying concrete- growing heavier and stiffer with every movement. He was so hungry and there was no one he could turn to for help. Naturally the villain in training was surrounded by surrounded by bad guys because he was one of them. There was no kind-hearted soul to help him in his time of need.

Right?

* * *

Penny had no idea what to do. Her arch nemesis, evidently sick, was collapsed on the ground outside of her condo. There were no HQ guidelines for dealing with such a situation. However the blonde did know that she couldn't leave him out here. Lifting him by the shoulders the agent dragged the unconscious boy genius into her living room. Unloading the villain on her sofa the girl set to work on a rudimentary health check.

For some undeterminable reason the Hispanic was suffering from malnutrition and severe stress. It looked like he hadn't eaten in three days. The girl genius had always known of her rival's poor home life but she hadn't realized it'd gotten so bad that he wasn't eating. Brushing dark, ruffled hair back from the boy's forehead Penny sighed in frustration as she walked to the kitchen. She had some instant Miso soup that should help him out. After setting out some water to boil the girl returned to check on her patient.

Talon was sleeping, his face only slightly scrunched up in pain from hunger. The blonde felt herself falling victim to cliches- he was just- he was cute when he was sleeping and not shouting arrogant taunts at her. Giving in to temptation, her fingertips ghosted along his left arm, starting at the shoulder and pausing at the wrist. There was something clenched in his left fist. Gingerly pulling his fingers away, Penny uncovered a crumpled piece of paper.

It was lab results.

Substance Analysis:

Control substance- Talon's Blend

A number of inconsistencies were found in the samples tested compared to the control. All ingredients in control were found in the samples however the samples contained additional ingredients.

Additional ingredients-

3 g of Rosa Carolina

1 g of water

2 g of fructose

1.34 g of glucose

0.84 g of other sugars

0.5 g of minerals, amino acids, proteins, etc.

30% alcohol

Fermented Grape Wine

Penny blanched at what the sheet of paper was telling her. Someone had tried to spike Talon's morning coffee? What… furrowing her eyebrows the girl genius looked at the teen on her couch. She had no words beyond what. Actually maybe she did. Was this meant to be a prank? If so who was the victim, her or the obviously in pain boy in front of her? Rubbing her forehead in frustration the girl set down the piece of paper and returned to her kitchen to finish making the miso soup.

The food was made and left to cool on the counter. Returning to her patient the girl lightly shook his shoulder. He might've needed sleep but he needed food more. "Talon," she called, straining to keep herself from sounding like a loving wife waking her husband, "Talon wake up." He growled- the boy actually growled - as he tried to bury his head into the couch cushions. Oh ho ho, he just turned it into a challenge. Penny never backed down from a challenge. Grabbing his ankles the blonde yanked her nemesis off her sofa and let him fall to the floor.

He responded like a trauma patient, immediately bolting to his feet and looking around with wide eyes and panicked breaths on his lips. The girl genius knew immediately that her actions probably weren't a good idea. Actually she felt bad; clearly he was horrified. When her rival's eyes initially landed on her he recoiled in fear before heaving out a sigh of relief. Placing a hand on her shoulder, Talon looked Penny straight in the eyes.

"Please," His voice was weak and terror-worn, "never dye your hair purple." On that note he dropped himself down on her couch to sit and rested his forehead in his hands while balancing his elbows on his knees.

"Uh," the HQ agent spoke slowly, "okay." Coughing, the girl backed towards the kitchen. "So, I made you some Miso soup, let me just get that for you." In a moment the boy was on his feet and running past her through the doorway. He skidded to a stop in front of the steaming bowl on the counter. The blonde watched in shock as he seemed to glare angrily into the bowl of soup.

He spun towards her suddenly, holding out his hand. "A- A spoon! I need a spoon!" Moving slowly so as to not agitate her on edge guest. Talon hadn't taken his eyes off of the bowl since she had turned away. With the utensil in hand, she approached the Hispanic teen. Placing the spoon in his open hand Penny watched the boy sift through her soup furiously. Wow, something was apparently really getting to him.

"What," Penny asked as she watched the evil genius scoop a large round brown object out, "Aaand that- that wasn't in the soup when I first made it." Pouring the soup down the drain, the boy set the contaminant on the counter and slumped down with his face buried in his hands. He mumbled something. "What was that?"

"I can't eat." He said looking at her with tired and infuriated eyes, "I CAN'T EAT BECAUSE THESE GODDAMN NUTS SOMEHOW END UP IN ANY AND ALL FOOD MEANT FOR ME." Throwing his arms in the air, Talon let himself slide down to the ground. "I," he was interrupted by a loud and painful gurgle, "I can't eat."

"Talon," Penny's soft voice somehow managed to soothe him for a brief moment, "what in the world is happening to you?"

"It started three days ago," His dark eyes rested on her face like a gentle caress, he was just so weary. "It started with these- these nuts that apparently don't exist anywhere in the world aside from in my food- then these hearts started showing up everywhere," noticing the look on her face, Talon frowned, "no, stop. I know how it sounds but hearts and the letters T + J were just etched into everything. You'll find the same symbols on that nut." Examining the object on the table, Penny frowned. There were tiny engravings like he'd spoken of. Talon laughed wryly. Half lidded eyes gazed up at her with a pained grin. "And you haven't even seen the worst part." The blonde watched the teen achingly pull himself off the ground. "Where's a mirror?"

"The uh," the girl genius was still struggling with the situation; it was nowhere near rational. "There's a mirror in the bathroom." She lead her guest down the hall to the tiled room. Talon entered the bathroom alone, groping along the walls for the lightswitch. Somehow the girl was afraid to see the so-called 'worst part'. When the lights flickered on the Hispanic teen visibly recoiled at whatever he saw in the mirror. After calming down he glanced at her and motioned for her to join him.

Penny couldn't stop the squeak of terror escaping her throat when she first laid eyes upon the mirror. "That," her patient said while flinging his arms in the air, "that is how I constantly feel!" Both teens turned to look at the reflection. A pale girl with tousled purple scene hair and enough eye makeup to make a Van Gogh painting stood where Talon's image should've been. She didn't mimic the boys posture, mildly terrified and wholly stiff, instead she stood confidently, pushing her chest forward and smiling flirtily. The phantom had fake feathers clipped into her hair and excessive jewelry draped all over herself. Fluttering her eyelashes, the purple-haired girl smiled wider at Talon. Penny's reflection was normal in the mirror. Tentatively reaching out, Penny watched her mirror image phase through the intruder.

"Who is she?" The blonde watched the boy run a frustrated hand through his messy hair.

"That," his words reflected a disgust the girl typically only associated with an aristocrat looking at a caterpillar. "is the daughter of the infamous Lady Calamity. Her name is Joey, although you probably know her as Girl Chaos."

"You mean the low level villainess who swears she has magic powers?"

Talon nodded. "The very same."

"I," the HQ agent came to a gradual epiphany, "I've never actually seen her before."

"That is because she has never been caught," there was a begrudging level of respect in his voice and for some reason the girl still felt a twinge of jealousy, "supposedly because of her so-called magic powers… Can we please take this conversation out of the bathroom? I really don't like her just… looking at me."

With the lights turned back off and his reflection once again invisible, both teens let out a collective sigh of relief. Returning to the kitchen, Penny listened as she was finally given some context for her current strange situation.

"My uncle had a dinner date with Lady Calamity- don't ask- and I was forced to tag along because Jo- Girl Chaos needed a 'playmate'." His disdain was so thoroughly evident that the blonde couldn't stop the small smile from spreading on her face. "She asks me all these questions, irrelevant ones about astrology-"

"She's an astrology nut?" Penny interrupted.

"Like you wouldn't believe- and blood types and within minutes she declares we're soulmates because of a bunch of pseudoscience garbage." Rubbing his forehead in frustration the Hispanic teen glares up at the ceiling. "I'm saved from her declarations of love by my uncle's date falling out and us being chased away by the laser fire of Lady Calamity but not too much later all this- this shit started!" He threw his arms down on the countertop and looked at her so desperately. "For whatever reason flower petals from the california rose, honey, and brandy wine are in everything I try to eat or drink! Graffiti hearts are haunting me and she replaces my reflection! How-" His hands landed on her shoulders and Penny had to fight a blush down, "how is any of this even remotely possible?!" A loud growl from his stomach caused him to release her and curl up into a ball instead. "Shit!"

"How haven't you died from dehydration yet?" The blonde asked curiously as she kneeled beside him.

"Water- I used the most intense purification process I could think of and then oversaw every step, never tearing my eyes away for even a second." The usually so arrogant Talon was so thoroughly defeated that the HQ agent couldn't stop the fuzzy feeling inside. He was most assuredly better when not shouting taunts at her.

"Any food you make ends up contaminated?"

"Yes." The boy moaned pitifully.

"What if I make food for me- never taking my eyes off it, and you just so happen to steal some bites from it?" The blonde was grasping at straws here but the last thing she wanted was for him to starve. Talon looked at her skeptically. "Its that or I'm sticking you with an IV."

Grimacing, the henchman sat up. "Stealing your food it is!"

Miso soup was quickly made and Penny grabbed two spoons. Checking the solution for any presence of nuts she smiled lightly when she found herself lacking. "No nuts." The Hispanic boy glared suspiciously into her bowl of soup as she dipped her spoon in and took a small sip. Immediately her mouth was scalding. "Ah! Damn! Hot! Didn't think this through!"

The henchman swirled his spoon in the soup, meeting no resistance of a sudden round intruder; he lifted a spoonful to his mouth, blowing on it gently to cool it off. Eventually he swallowed the mixture. Penny watched with fascination as utter euphoria crossed his face for a split second. Throwing down his spoon Talon grabbed the bowl with both hands and gulped the entire things down.

"Talon! It was scalding hot! What were you thinking?!" The blonde shouted angrily as she grabbed ice from her freezer and dunked it into a glass of water. Checking for nuts before handing it to him, the girl slammed the glass in front of the boy. He was slumped forward onto the countertop an empty bowl not too far away from him.

Letting out a pained chuckle, the teen slowly dragged his fingers to the water by him. "Totally worth it." His voice was raspy and broken. Unsurprisingly he began to chug the glass of water down. "Please," it was obvious his throat was still shredded but it didn't stop the evil genius from speaking, "please make more. Anything."

Penny bit her lip. Cooking wasn't exactly her forte and yet… she couldn't decline his pleas for help.

The blonde stuck to making things that would be easy to check for nuts. At first it was a simple sandwich of bananas and marshmallow fluff, something that wouldn't let Talon utterly destroy his throat anymore. He ate it so quickly the HQ agent couldn't help feeling flattered and a pinch excited. More food was made. Toast, cereal, macaroni and cheese, pop tarts, anything and everything that was easy to make and or in her pantry was utilized.

"You are a brilliant cook." He said at one point in time in between bites of a s'mores flavored poptart.

"I unwrapped it and put it in a toaster, that can't exactly be considered cooking ya know." She spent the entire time trying to hide her impossible strong blush with sarcasm.

"You didn't cause your toaster to spontaneously combust- which is more than I can say for my uncle. I swear I have to build him a new 'evil' toaster every week." It was so casual and comfortable that Penny couldn't stop herself from wishing it could be like this all the time. If only he wasn't evil- or maybe if she wasn't good- no, if only the both of them were just normal teen geniuses with no affiliation to opposing super organizations vying for control they could be like this. They could go to the same genius kid school, pass notes during class. He'd probably make snarky remarks about their physics teacher and she would hide her giggles to keep from getting in trouble with him. Her laughter at his comment about his uncle brought her back. "Seriously though, you're like my knight in shining armor." The Hispanic teen waggled his eyebrows playfully at the blonde.

"And I suppose that makes you the damsel in distress?" Penny asked with a smile, crossing her arms and shifting her weight to a single foot.

Talon scoffed. "Only the most beautiful damsel in distress in the whole kingdom- I'm basically the princess, ya know." The HQ agent couldn't stop her laughter now.

"Yes, of course! And I must protect you from the wicked sorcerer shrouded in purple!" She was pretending to draw a sword from her waist to brandish it against an imaginary foe. "Back! Stay back, you vile fiend! I shant let you take the princess from her beloved kingdom!"

Sufficiently fed and more than willing to play along the henchman slid behind the girl and fell to his knees. "Oh protect me, sir knight! I could never wed the dreaded sorcerer- he is no more than a- a cockered onion-eyed miscreant!" The girl lost all self control at that and burst into laughter her damsel followed her shortly.

"But, pffft, my- haha- princess!" The blonde proclaimed as she tried to right herself, "why should he want to- haah- wed you? When you -ha- are but a clotpole dressed in fineries?"

Gasping indignantly the boy genius whacked Penny in the calf. "Thou beslubbering rump-fed scut! I am a lady! Of the- pfffft- the finest breeding and- heh- highest blood! I- ha ha- I-!" He couldn't seem to find any other words as his speech devolved into nonsensical laughter.

"Thou," the girl declared loudly, "are nothing more than a warped, superficial, and ignorant maiden whom wastes her time seeing to the warped, superficial, and ignorant whims of your father, the king!"

"Degenerate!" He exclaimed as he pulled her down to the ground with him. Talon rolled her under him, so that he was balancing himself atop her. "Knave!" He declared again his face only inches from hers.

"Codpiece!" Penny shot back with a grin.

"Doghearted ruffian!" Talon cried out as he inched his face a fraction closer to his knight. A cough was covered by the laughter of the two teens on the floor. It was repeated louder catching the Hispanic boy's attention. "My knight, I don't suppose you perhaps have a- uh a mirror in your living room?"

"I own no such-" turning her head in the direction her captor's had been looking the girl saw the purple-haired girl from the mirror standing in her living room. "No mirror- that- there isn't a mirror. That isn't a mirror!"

Scrambling to their feet, the rivals backed away from the figure in the living room.

"Talon?" Her voice was sugary sweet and scratching painfully on the agents' eardrums. "Tally-bear-"

A quiet mumble of "Tally-bear? That's new," from Talon momentarily caught the blonde's attention.

"why are you in this- this whore's house?" The way she said whore made it sound like gravelly roar ripped from her throat.

"Woah," Penny said angrily as she stepped forward, "Oh ho ho, excuse me?!" She was entirely prepared to beat Girl Chaos' ass in.

"Penny isn't a whore!" The henchman shouted angrily, fists balled tight as he fell into a fighting stance.

Joey laughed bitterly. "Oh, that's right! She isn't a whore! She is a knight- your knight! And I am the wicked sorcerer shrouded in purple-" laughing louder she raised her arms, "Thanks Tally-bear, you know me so well!" Slamming her arms down to the ground a mild explosion and a cloud of mist enveloped them all.

* * *

Penny awoke to a girlish scream in the distance. "W-what?" she mumbled lowly- actually really lowly- her voice came out lower than she'd ever heard it. Her body felt heavy and when she tried to bring a hand up to feel her throat she found her arm encased in metal. "What?!" Her voice should've been severely high-pitched that time but instead she sounded like a surprised Thor instead of a startled teenage girl. Looking down at her body Penny saw a large suit of armor- incredibly historically accurate. Yanking off a glove she felt her face- Did- did she have a beard?! Her jaw had somehow become squared and in the very least she had a serious man stubble.

She was actually a medieval knight- sex and all! Wait- if she was a knight then Talon- Talon! Another horrified and high-pitched scream sounded in the distance. This time the knight was able to make out something along the lines of words mixed in that sounded vaguely like 'WHY DO I HAVE BREASTS?' Taking off in the direction of the screams the once female turned male found that running in full body armor was surprisingly difficult. Or maybe it wasn't all that surprising considering how heavy it had felt to begin with.

After some time the blonde emerged from the forest and into a clearing. In the center was a tall tower with no entry way and a single window at least ten stories up. From the window dangled a rope constructed of cloth and gripping onto that was a beautiful girl with long dark hair and a deep purple dress. In the window was a frustrated man dressed entirely in purple shouting down at the girl that it wasn't safe and that she could injure herself.

"Screw you, Joey!" The dark-haired maiden shouted as she continued to slide down the rope she had constructed.

"Princess!" Hissed Joey atop the tower, "you will refer to me as the sorcerer! The Sorcerer!"

"I am not a princess!" The apparent princess screeched back up to the man in purple while working faster to get down the ladder.

"But Tally-bear! This is your fantasy!"

"No, this is my joke! Do you know what a joke is?!" Penny had been taking her time sneaking to the bottom of the tower to catch her princess, just in case she were to fall which is fortunate because that is what ended up happening. "Comedy!" the female-Talon shouted while angrily waving a fist. She shook her fist a little too violently and ended up losing her grip on the makeshift rope. "Ahh! Shit!" The dark-haired beauty proclaimed.

Landing in arms clad in armor wasn't exactly the most comfortable way to stop falling but it was preferred to hitting the solid ground. The blonde took advantage of the pause in all the action to observe the princess in her arms. Apparently Talon made a very beautiful woman. She had prominent cheekbones graced with a natural rosy blush and long dark lashes. Perky and plump pink lips were stretched around her pained grimace. His naturally tan skin translated well to his female form wrapping smoothly around slender and strong limbs. It was when she opened her dark eyes with the slight tint of purple that Penny allowed herself to snap back to reality. Smiling loosely at the boy turned girl in her arms the blonde set down the teen and turned to face the sorcerer now floating down from the tower.

"Tally-bear!" The man seethed as his fingers crackled with power, "we are meant to be together. We are perfectly compatible! We got a 95% from Dr. Love! Does that mean nothing to you?!"

"Gee, let me think," Talon said as he rubbed his feminine chin, "yes. I'm going to have to go with yes that means absolutely nothing to me." Setting his hands on his hips the Hispanic princess stuck out his tongue indignantly.

"I have been putting the Gypsy Rose Love Potion in everything you are and drank for the past three days. WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME?!"

"Gypsy rose love potion?! You were putting alcohol in my food! All that would do is get me drunk!" The boy turned girl shouted back.

"It is an age old gypsy recipe that is really true! A really gypsy told me about it!" The man whined back angrily.

"I'm sure this conversation is incredibly exhilarating," Penny cut in,"but we should probably beat her now so we can go back to normal."

"Why? This is interesting." Talon offered playfully. "Besides I kinda like you like this. Dudes aren't usually my thing but for whatever reason you make a damn fine dude."

Blushing the blonde twiddled her thumbs and averted her eyes, "Uh, yeah, you're actually pretty uhm... Pretty too... As a girl I mean." Why was she so embarrassed?! The girl wanted to mentally slap herself.

"STOP IT!" Shouted Joey finally at ground level, "STOP! YOU ARENT HIS SOULMATE. I AM!" On that note she shot a bolt of purple lightning out of her staff at the blonde man in armor.

"Penny! Get down!" Shouted the princess as he dove to push the knight's much larger form out of the path of the lightning bolt. "How are we going to do this?!" The Hispanic teen shouted angrily as he fell to the dirt with her.

"I don't know!" Penny replied while rolling out of the way.

"Then I say we Saturday morning cartoon this! Let's take away her staff because why not?! It works in all the cartoons!" Talon responded while crouching down to get ready to run at their foe.

"Don't you mean Netflix original cartoon?" Penny offered jokingly also preparing to sprint.

"True, those do tend to suck more and make less sense. Let's go with that." With the affirmation of their crappy plan the two ran in opposite directions in a large circle around Joey. The sorcerer only took aim at the knight making it easy for the agile princess to sneak up behind her and snatch the staff from her hands.

"No! The source of my power! I am useless without it!" The man in purple cried out dramatically as the world around them began to fade.

Blinking Talon realized he, along with the two girls, was back in Penny's kitchen. Joey was collapsed and unconscious on the ground and the blonde was standing on top of her kitchen table. Everyone was the correct sex again and in his hand was a pen with purple ink.

"I don't even want to know." The boy said as he snapped the writing utensil in half.

Gingerly jumping off her table the blonde observed the unconscious villainess. "I am going to call HQ, tell them I nabbed Girl Chaos after an arduous battle full of danger and excitement. You probably don't want to be around when they arrive." The boy gave her a sly smirk. "I don't think she'll be able to curse you anymore from in a maximum security prison."

Laughing he began to slide out her window, "Much appreciated."

"''Twas my pleasure, princess." She offered teasingly.

"How ever could I thank you, my knight?"

But when the blonde turned around to look at her rival he was already gone. Smiling she pulled out her phone. "Hello, HQ?"


	6. Nerd

AN: Ha! I lied! They're back! So a lot of people are leaving recommendations for ship names for Penny and Talon. None have been absolutely outstanding yet but let us, as a community, pick something together. I'll include the names of the people who left the ship name suggestions because I'll give credit where credit is due. You can leave a review to vote (although honestly that kind of feels like cheating to me since that might cause an unwarranted boost in reviews for this fic and I don't really want them if I don't deserve them) or you can leave a vote on that little forum thing I made on the site (remember that thing? Yeah, me neither). I just think it'll be nice to have a consistent ship name. Some of them were suggested multiple times so they might have multiple origins.

Here are the options:

-Tenny (Bella (guest), Sam (guest))

-Taly (Guest)

-Pelonny (Funnybunny514)

-Palon (Sam (guest))

-Tanny (Forever hero girl, Sam (guest))

-Taley (Alyssa (guest))

-Tally (mad kid (guest))

-Henchniece (Forever hero girl)

-Penon (Forever hero girl)

-Talpen (shouldercookie)

* * *

Title: Nerd!

Word Count: 1096

Genre: CollegeAU / Humor / slight-Romance

Summary: He was the biggest nerd ever. College AU.

Rating: T

* * *

"Talon, I'm back!" The blonde called out into her apartment as she walked through the front door. As she dropped her bag to the floor, Penny noticed all the lights were off. "Talon?" Walking farther into the darkened abode, the college student creeped along looking for her roommate. There was only one source of light: a gentle white flickering coming from the TV room. "Talon?" The light disappeared leaving the girl in only darkness.

Sudden heavy footfalls came thumping towards her loudly. Holding back a panicked shriek, the blonde watched a shadowed figure rush towards her. She took a step back only to see it skid to a halt in front of her. The proximity allowed her to see the shadow more clearly- it was her roommate wrapped in a black fuzzy blanket.

"Ssshh!" The Hispanic man hissed at her. "You're being way too loud!" He scurried back to the TV room with the blonde following shortly behind. Talon dropped himself on their very worn, old couch and cuddled up to a bowl of popcorn. The TV was paused on a dark screen. "It is an incredibly intense moment and you cannot, you hear me?, CAN NOT interrupt right now- I swear if you draw me out of this I'll spoil the whole thing for you! I'm already at the second to last episode of season 1!"

"You wouldn't!" the blonde glared but the look in her roommate's eyes promised otherwise. "Fine." Backing away the girl actually took notice of her friend's attire. The boy was shirtless and wearing fuzzy pajama pants covered in the Batman symbol. Years of being a genius had sent the Hispanic man's vision down the drain resulting in him having to wear thick-rimmed glasses when putting strain on his eyes by, for example, watching a movie on a bright screen in the dark. His usually carefully styled hair was left a gnarled mess, fluffy and disorganized with a cowlick showing he'd spent much of the marathon lying on his side. With all the dramatics of a Spanish soap opera Talon draped an intensely decorated blanket around his shoulders taking a moment to admire the numerous patches of varied fandoms ironed on. While shifting to get comfortable he even made the slightest snort-like noise. Penny's face broke into a huge grin.

"What?" Her roommate asked suspiciously as he lifted the remote to unpause the screen.

"You," the blonde said cheekily, "are such a nerd!" For a moment the Hispanic man's face ignited, a powerful blush hidden in part by the darkness of the room. However the embarrassment was quickly overtaken by a wicked smirk.

"Like you aren't." He replied smugly and unpaused the show. The woman gasped in shock as just like that one of her favorite characters was brutally murdered on screen.

"Wa-was that?" Her voice could barely escape her throat as the credits took over the screen.

"Yes, yes it was!" Talon cackled as he exited out of the show to make sure Netflix wouldn't go straight to the last episode before vaulting off the couch to escape his roommate's wrath. The bowl of popcorn clattered to the floor as the blonde woman stewed.

"Did you seriously just spoil Daredevil for me?!" she screeched as she scrambled after her new greatest enemy. "You're-you're evil!"

"Why thank you!" The Hispanic man playfully called as he burst out the front door. "Lets see you kill me in public with all these witnesses!"

"Taaaaalon!" The blonde shouted as she sprinted after her shirtless roommate. He was pulling away so Penny cut across the campus green. Leaping over fellow college students lounging in the grass, the woman came at the man from the side. Tackling his side the angry college student caused them both to tumble to the grass below. Talon was trapped beneath his roommate with her sitting on his bare chest. Playfully waggling his eyebrows at his captor the Hispanic man let out a chuckle. "Oh shut up." Penny replied, bemused.

A stern cough came from beside the roommates. The blonde immediately stiffened. "Hello Talon," said a cold, masculine voice. "Penelope."

"D-Dr. Claw," Talon greeted the tall elderly man passively.

"It is quite inappropriate for you to be engaging in," he paused for the right word, "relations… so visibly in public." The distaste in his voice was beyond obvious.

"Uncle Claw," the mocking surprised tone of Talon's voice was comforting to the woman. He sat up causing Penny to slide down into his lap as he wrapped his arms around her. "Are you saying I cannot be close to and with my girlfriend?"

"I'm saying," the professor hissed, "that you shouldn't be on top of each other in public nearly disrobed." The younger Hispanic man chuckled awkwardly.

"Oh yeah." He'd forgotten he was only wearing pajama pants.

"C'mon Claw-buddy!" cried out a cheerful voice from behind the cold man. The jubilous voice caused the blonde to perk up. "They're young and in love! It is young love! A beautiful thing! Let them revel in their youth, cherish the brilliance of the fleeting spark that s the ignorance and joy of-"

"Hello Professor Gadget," the cold man interrupted so as to prevent any more ranting.

"Hi Uncle Gadget!" Penny called happily from in Talon's arms.

"Hiya everybody!" The newest arrival called out as he stepped out from behind the other teacher. A cup of coffee was clasped haphazardly in his hand. "How are-" In the excitement of his waving the lanky man clumsily dumped his coffee on his coworker.

"Gaaaaaadgeeeeeeet!" Dr. Claw shouted as he threw his arms in the air.

"Oh gee look at that too bad welp I think Penny and I will just leave now but it was nice seeing you guys talk soon!" Quick words spilled from Talon's mouth as he began to lead his girlfriend away. Once they were a safe distance from the professors, the Hispanic man burst out laughing. "Oh man, your uncle is the best!"

The blonde grinned. "You didn't like him very much when you were in his philosophy 101 class."

"Are you kidding? Philosophy was my favorite class freshman year!"

Penny frowned, "since when?"

"Since the day I met you in it."

The woman's face flushed as she punched him in the side, "don't think this gets you out of the trouble for spoiling Daredevil."

"I wouldn't dream of it." He replied with a pained chuckle.


	7. Jealous

AN: I had fun writing this one so it came out a little earlier than usual. And here I said I was slowing down. I've been taking tally of votes but there is no clear winner yet. Vote people! I know you guys exist! It's that or a few people are the ones that are reading this over and over again so that we've got nearly 200 views on this in the past two days. I doubt you guys have that much free time. I don't think I'll be putting something up this Wednesday, when I usually do, but I could be wrong. I didn't know that I'd be uploading this today a few minutes after midnight.

To Anonymous (Guest): It was super cool getting all your reviews as you read these! I got a notification every time you reviewed so there was something really fun about kind of knowing in real time as you read! Just wanted to let you know that I was kind of… there, reading with you as you did. I'm really glad you liked it.

Not to look down on you guys who've been with me since the beginning and commented on each as I've updated. You're also great- I just love the string of consciousness, seeing thoughts and opinions flow from fic to fic in just a span of hours, you know. Most importantly, all reviews are appreciated. Even the flames- they make me laugh.

* * *

Title: Jealous

Word Count: 4746

Genre: Humor / Romance / Espionage

Summary: Being undercover had never been so infuriating.

Rating: T

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"Penny," the chief's static laden voice hummed in her ear as the girl flinched at the sudden sound in her ear. "You remember the plan, yes?" The blonde rolled her eyes as she kept her mouth shut. She wasn't stupid enough to speak into a concealed earpiece while surrounded by the enemy. Hesitantly glancing around, the HQ agent shivered at the sight. Villains and villainesses as far as the eye could see. "Penny? Penny, do you read me?" She tried to hide a grimace as the chief continued to attempt to talk to her. "Penny are you at the Evil Extravaganza Ball in the castle, right? Hello?"

Storming to the bathrooms in frustration the girl locked herself in a lonely stall. "Chief! Yes!" Penny hissed as she held her pointer finger to the device lodged in her ear. "I am at the Ball! I couldn't respond because I was in the Ball! I had to leave the Ball to answer you!" There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Oh."

"Yes," the blonde growled in exasperation as she walked out of the stall. A quick scan proved she was alone in the bathroom. "I cannot respond to your questions once I go back to the party so please just say what you need to say now."

The chief started reiterating the plans as Penny observed her outfit in the mirror. "You're undercover at the greatest villain event in history, the Evil Extravaganza Ball." A fiery red wig twisted up in some gravity-defying hairstyle neatly concealed her blonde hair and complimented the vibrant seafoam green of the mask concealing half her face. "You are disguised as the currently detained young genius villainess from Ireland, Lucky Lucy, the thief." She wore a simple dress of the same color that left great room for mobility- something she was severely grateful for- and a white cape lay draped over her shoulders with the length of the fabric running down her side rather than her back. "You have a simple job: mingle and find out as much information as possible," the girl turned away from the mirror, "especially about MAD."

"Roger, sir." The heroine in disguise exited the bathroom and rejoined the crowded hall. Some of the most dangerous people in the world were in this room and dressed like they were in a middle school rendition of the Great Gatsby. However she needed to find the leading man himself and the source of all information on MAD.

"Aren't you Lucy?" A feminine voice called from behind her. Turning around the girl found herself confronted by a group of teenage girls; the matriarch of the pack seemed to be the one that'd spoken to her. She was French with carefully curled bottle blonde hair pulled to the side and draped over her shoulder in a waterfall of soft swirls. A petite beret sat upon her head, something so stereotypically French the agent in disguise reeled slightly, but far less humorous was the stunning striped black and white dress that clung perfectly to her form. Plump red lips were smiling at Penny as the French villainess tilted her head. "I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting." Extending a dainty hand the teen watched the supposed Irish villainess expectantly. "I'm Maddie, also known as Mademoiselle Mischief."

As the actual blonde accepted the handshake she heard the chief read the new girl's bio aloud. "Mademoiselle Mischief, a small villain in North America but rather active in Europe. She is a major con artist often using her beauty to take advantage of others. She has ended multiple politician's careers through scandals and earned huge amounts from tabloids with her work. She temps for other major villains who need her feminine charms. She is rather popular with other villain eases her age. Kind of a queen bee amongst the small time females."

"Lucy, yeah that is me," the girl in disguise replied with a smile, careful to make sure she used her practiced Irish accent. "Nice to meet you."

"I've heard a lot about you," Maddie said glancing back to her groupies. "You're quite ambitious. I heard you almost got caught by HQ in that job in America."

"Almost," Penny said haughtily, "but the lads weren't nearly good enough to catch me. I am, after all, a professional." The group of girls giggled at that.

"Come and hang out with us," the bottle blonde replied motioning to a table out of the way surrounded by chairs draped in shiny fabrics. "I'd love to get to know you better." Nodding curtly, the undercover agent followed the clique to their hangout. She took a seat and began to pay close attention to the conversation going on around her. There was no better way to learn everything than to listen to a teenage girl group's gossip.

"I can't believe Robyn is planning to steal from the Louvre, I mean, how cliche is that?" Said a girl entirely concealed in ninja gear with a sparkly green dress layered on top of that.

"Hey," responded another girl with a frown, "he just likes the classics."

There was a shared snicker amongst the other girls. Maddie spoke up. "Oh, I'm sorry Maid Marian, I'd forgotten you and your Robyn Hood were dating." Marian responded with a pout and a light humph.

"Well at least he has the guts to try. Little Lucky over there hasn't even tried." Just like that all eyes were on Penny. Cursing the thief's girlfriend, the HQ agent straightened up to speak.

"Well, tryna steal from the Louvre is like- whaddaya Americans call it- askin' a major league player to participate in little league for trophies made'a chocolate instead'a gold. After all, none of the pieces left in the Louvre are the originals anymore. Any good thief knows that." At the chorus of gasps and giggles and a few "oo's" the natural blonde smirked.

"You are a professional, Lucy." Maddie said with a grin. Penny felt like she was on top of the world.

A loud laugh drew her attention. A burly man with a severely masculine beard was clutching at his stomach as he bellowed at whatever joke his companion had told him. His companion seemed to be a tall, although small compared to the laughing villain, and somewhat lanky teen in a nicely pressed black suit and with slicked back black hair. It couldn't be.

"Oh my god, it is Talon!" squealed one of the girls at her table. The undercover agent flinched at his name. The excitement was shared by the other girls at the table. As the teen turned slightly to the side revealing his face to the girls, the bottle blonde bit her lip.

"Mmm," the French girl mumbled, "what I wouldn't do-" Her eyes flickered over to Penny as she seemed to have an epiphany. "Oh, you might not know about Talon, being new to the villain/villainess scene and all." With a grin the villainess leaned in to speak with more emphasis. "He is Talon Claw, considered to be the hottest... ah, real estate amongst we young villainesses to be." The entire table turned their heads to look at the boy. "Not only is he the successor to Dr. Claw, leader of MAD, a super famous evil organization I'm sure you've heard about, but he is pretty much a perfect ten." The pretend Irish girl found her fists tightening unconsciously and forced her muscles to relax. "He has the money and the prestige, he is, like, super talented with like karate and junk and he is a genius- like an omega genius, he already has two PhDs, so technically he is also Dr. Claw but, for whatever reason, he doesn't like to be called the same thing as his uncle. I bet it is because he has such serious respect for his brilliant uncle, founder of MAD." Oh yes, Penny mocked in her head, Talon absolutely reveres his 'brilliant' uncle entirely. "So, basically, whatever girl lands him is set for life. Talk about being a villainess…" Her words drifted off as she stared at the teen in question. After that all the girls spontaneously burst into another bout of giggles. The blonde tried to fake being on the same page.

"Seriously though," another piped up drawing the group's attention, "he is just flat out hot, ya know." Somehow Penny felt incredibly irritated. These girls were just so- so clueless! He was a total jerk! They knew nothing about him- only that he was, admittedly, quite attractive, rich, part of a- in their world- prestigious family, smart, athletic, and absolutely nothing else. They didn't know about the way he loved to make puns that she would force herself not to laugh at despite frequently finding them hilarious. They didn't know about the unique scent his hair gel gave off, one that Penny couldn't find in any store no matter how hard she looked- was it a personal concoction? They certainly didn't know about how difficult a home life he had, how sometimes he got so tired of putting up a strong front that he would just let his rival right past him when they should've been fighting in the name of good versus evil. And there was simply no possible way that they could know his favorite drink when stressed was cheap hot chocolate made with milk and filled to the brim with tiny marshmallows and that, when visited by his arch nemesis in the middle of the night, he'd offer her a cup.

"Hey," Maddie said with a grin as she began tidying up her hair, "so, I've been looking into him for a little while now, you know, so it'd be easier. I think I'm going to make my move. Wish me luck!" She stood before turning back to the group excitedly. "This is so cute though, his favorite drink, it is like the super cheap hot chocolate made with milk with a bunch of mini marshmallows!" The entire table squealed as Penny's face just blanched. By the time the blonde returned to reality her greatest enemy was already out of punching distance. Granted the HQ agent didn't know why she wanted to knock the living daylights out of the incredibly annoying and way too pretentious French girl that was now only a few feet away from Talon. Clenching her fist she tried to turn her attention back to the gossip of the girls around her and yet it only lingered on a single topic: Talon.

"Penny," the chief's voice returned suddenly, almost shocking the girl, "you need to steer the conversation somewhere beyond how nice this boy's hair looks."

Coughing, the pretend Irish teen caught the attention of the table. She'd planned to ask about their upcoming evil deeds to squeeze a little more information out of them and yet something else came out of her mouth. "D'ya suppose that Maddie has a chance with Talin?" The clique stared at the new arrival in silence as she covered her mouth in surprise. Then their faces split into wicked grins.

"Oh, poor girl, you've been snared by him too? And you haven't even met," said one with genuine empathy.

"Here is what we can tell you," the girl wearing a full ninja costume said with a pained smile, "Maddie is the best at getting men, total slut," the girls all murmured in agreement, "however she has been trying to get in Talon's pants for quite a while- this is taking much longer than it usually does for her- so it could be the total hottie Talon is just too strong willed for the whore." There was a shared look of fear amongst the group for a moment, "that or he is gay." A couple at the table crossed their fingers and whispered desperately to themselves. "We are pretty sure he isn't but you never know." Redirecting their attention to the two teens in the distance Penny noticed with a dark sort of glee that the evil genius in question seemed rather uninterested. And the blonde in disguise knew for a fact he wasn't gay. The henchman seemed quite interested in her whenever they had their run-ins during missions.

A defeated French villainess for hire returned to the table as her clique hid their satisfied grins with empathetic pouts. "He didn't take?" Asked Marian, smugness just on the barely out of her tone.

"No," Maddie replied as she sat gracefully in her seat. A smirk grew on her face as she looked the group in the eyes. "However I've got one last trick up my sleeve." Reaching into a small purse, the girl pulled out a vial of something pink. Twirling it around she spoke, "I just need a little something to break the ice. It won't last long." The other girls glanced at one another trying to hide their anger. "I got it from some friends in, uh, one of those underdeveloped countries in Africa… I think it was Cambodia." Penny had to use every inch of self control to keep herself from slapping her forehead. Was geography really that hard? "It'll lower his inhibitions, you know. Just for the night." The sinister gleam in Mademoiselle Mischief's eyes caused Lucky Lucy to gulp. Girls are frightening.

"You can't do that!" The girl dressed like a ninja said angrily as she stood. The clique nodded in agreement as all glared at their leader.

Laughing the bottle blonde stood back up and tilted her head towards the subject of interest. "Oh but I can. Because I," she reached back into her purse, "already did." An empty vial was retrieved from the bag as the french temp waved it at the group gleefully. "Shouldn't have taken your eyes off me to talk to little Lucy here." Spinning on her heel the girl flipped her hair over her shoulder and swayed her hips as she sauntered towards the boy. He seemed entirely more welcoming this time as he welcomed Maddie with a somehow drunken hug. Penny glowered as an out-of-it Talon stayed in the villainess' arms staring blankly ahead. His dark eyes drifted across the room before catching briefly on the upset pseudo-Irish girl. For a moment the blonde swore she saw a spark of recognition in them, as though he knew who she was, but after blinking Penny could only see the confused and hazy gaze of someone who'd been drugged. The undercover agent saw red.

"That absolute bitch," declared Marian. Momentarily flustered the girl looked at her peers. "I mean, I'm already in a relationship so it isn't like I'm upset about the hun- I mean, Talon being taken. I just- It is only- I mean- Ugh! You can't just drug people! She's like a rapist or something!"

All the girls nodded angrily. "Normally we're rivals but tonight we unite." Said the ninja in the green dress. "We have to protect him."

"But how?"

Penny couldn't remain silent. "We split into three teams Alpha, Beta, and Gamma." The clique watched the red head stand and pace around the table. "There are nine of us, so three on each team. Team Beta deal with the bitch," she spat the word violently, "those who know her best, her weakness and her personality."

Marian raised her hand, "Gabby and I have known her the longest and Melyssa has been collecting dirt on her since she stole her boyfriend." The one name Melyssa smiled sheepishly.

"You distract her," the blonde said as she spun on her foot and started pacing the other direction. "Team Gamma will be the people with the most connections because Team Beta won't be able to preoccupy her forever. Team Gamma gets outside people. important people that she can't say no to, to start talking to her."

The ninja smiled gleefully. "I'm telling everyone, especially her previous bosses, that she is pregnant." The girls burst into sinister laughter. "I want Katie and Lauren, they've both got some hypnotism skills in their belts."

"That leaves Team Alpha," the blonde said as she stopped walking. "They get Talon away from the drug dealer. Somewhere safe where he can't do any harm to himself." The pair of twins that were left fist pumped. "So that is me and…"

"Caroline."

"Coraline."

"Yes." The undercover agent slammed her hands on the table. "Does everyone understand?" A quick nod from the group had her back away from the table, "alright move out!" Scattering throughout the room, the clique set to work. Penny waltzed over to the couple with a large smile.

"Oh," Maddie said as she forcibly wrapped the dazed Talon's arm around her waist, "hi Lucy. Talon, this is Lucky Lucy, a two-bit thief that can only barely avoid getting caught by HQ." Despite her sweet tone her words were biting or rather they would've been if Penny was actually Lucy.

A smiling Melyssa appeared next to Lucy. "Hey Lucy, I have the funniest story to tell you! So a while ago I was talking to the Stench, you know, the super gross villain in training, gawd he is ugly. So he starts telling me this story about this one time when he stumbled upon like a ton of power. While he was staying in this like mansion working on some plans, who should show up at his door," the girls grinned at the scared looking bottle blonde, "but Maddie MIschief-"

Laughing loudly the French villainess in training clotheslined the talking Melyssa and walked her away. "Lets you and me have a little talk."

"Hi Talon," Penny spoke to her rival as though he were a toddler, "these are my friends Caro-"

"Caroline," interrupted the twin popping out from behind the undercover agent.

"And Coraline," giggled her mirror image as she appeared next to her sister.

The matching girls both hooked their arms through Talon's and led him away as the fake red-head followed behind. Laughing loudly, the boy looked back and forth between the two holding him. "Wait! I- I know you guys!" Cheerful guffaws interrupted his speech. "Y-you're the failure twins! Ha ha! Yeah, that's right! You guys were hired by- by, uh, the one guy I've been extorting for like a year now. It was your job to keep the secrets that I stole safe!" Penny listened with interest as both twins seemed to panic. The group of four had already retreated to a corner of the grand hall that was barely populated and out of the way."Remind me," the boy genius said as he untangled himself from Caroline and Coraline with a devious look in his eyes, "which one of you was it that screwed the other over again?"

Throwing her arms in the air one angrily pointed at the other. "I wasn't going to say anything but I- I can't hold it in anymore! Why didn't you cover me properly?! All you needed to do was handle that one lousy firewall!"

"One firewall?!" shrieked her sister in response, "I was juggling eighteen layered firewalls and malware! If you hadn't let your guard down and made a rookie mistake-!"

"You wanna go?!" The first cried out as she tackled her mirror image to the ground.

Glancing around the undercover agent noticed her target waltzing drunkenly towards a pair of balcony doors. Oh gods, she needed to make sure he wasn't about to fall to his death. "Stay away from the edges, you idiot!" Her accent was added on as an afterthought making it sloppy as she burst through the doors to join him.

The drugged Talon found it hilarious. He was sprawled on the railing of the balcony with his face towards to sky as he laughed nonsensically. "Idiot!" He mocked in the same poor Irish accent. Calming down and taking a few deep breaths the boy genius stilled. "You know," the Hispanic teen said in a flawless Irish accent as he turned his eyes towards her, "the least you could do is manage a decent accent."

Penny raised her eyebrows in suspicion at the boy as she crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you were drugged," she responded in a similarly perfect accent.

"And I," he replied as he sat up smoothly, "thought you were an HQ agent. I'd no idea you'd joined me on the dark side, Penny."

Sighing the girl joined him sitting on the railing. "Was it that obvious?"

"Yeah," the henchman said as he tilted his head up to the starry sky above them, "I knew the moment I saw your eyes- and the jealous look on your face." Penny's face lit up at his words, something that brought his laughter back.

"Oh yeah, ha ha. And here I was worried you were about to get drugged and raped." Pouting, she turned away.

"Aw thanks Pretty Penny," he said as he wrapped an arm around her and smushed the girl into his side. "But there's no need. I'm the heir to an evil throne. Lots of people have tried to drug me and poison me, all that fun stuff, since I was little. Of course I've built up a tolerance to crap like the alcohol the Barbie doll in there tried to slip me."

"Seriously, it was only alcohol?" Penny asked with a startled voice, "she made it sound like she'd gotten a- actually, now that I think about it, her description did fit that of alcohol. Just alcohol from unnecessarily far away." She then processed the rest of his sentence. Standing up she threw her arms out at him, "wait, you're constantly experiencing this?! How crappy is your home life?!"

"The absolute shittiest!" He declared proudly as he laid back down; crossing his arms behind his head the boy genius admired the stars lazily. The two stayed silent for some time before the henchman spoke again. "I probably need a therapist, don't I?"

"A remarkable one." The HQ agent commented dryly as she tried to shift her wig around.

"How are the health benefits for HQ agents?" Talon asked playfully never once taking his dark eyes off the glittering balls of fire above.

"Oh, they're absolutely superb. They've managed to keep me sane despite my seeing you so frequently." For whatever reason the blonde was really feeling the sass-card today. She was still somewhat pissed off from the earlier situation thus she'd yet to fully revert back to typically nice and all-around wholesome Penny Brown. The Hispanic teen didn't seem to mind at all as he laughed.

"You're way more fun than you usually are right now." His comment was both sweet and biting such that the girl wanted to both cuddle up to him and slap him. Maybe she would. Just as the blonde was about to retort, Talon's eyes darted to the door. He shot her a quick glance before letting his entire body go loose as a lost look filled his eyes.

His soft, drunken chuckling was interrupted by a French girl slamming the doors open. She'd yet to notice the pair on the balcony instead turning back to angrily shout at unseen people. "I AM NOT PREGNANT!" With a huff she spun to face forward. When her eyes landed on the giggly Talon lounging lazily before her the blonde grinned until a redhead stepped in her way. "Lucy." Her tone, for once, wasn't covered in sugar.

"Hi Maddie," the pretend Irish girl replied with a smile and a slight head tilt, "congratulations on the news! I'm so happy for you! Imagine that, a mum already!" Her biting Irish accent rolled smoothly from her mouth.

Mademoiselle Mischief grinned tightly, "funny thing that, see, I'm not actually pregnant. Something I'm sure you're aware of."

"Really?" Penny said as she brought a hand to her mouth and feigned surprise. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Was it a miscarriage?" The taunting was just too much fun.

"You bit-!" The expletive about to rip from the blonde's mouth was stopped by loud laughter.

"Ah ha ha! Man, girl world is scary!" Talon said as he dropped his head to the side to look at the dueling teens. "Thank genetics I got a Y chromosome!"

"Talon, baby," Maddie called to the boy sweetly, "remember me from earlier? It's Maddie, come with me! I'll show you a good time." The undercover agent rolled her eyes as the henchman sat up shakily.

"A good time?" Slurring his words, the teen offered the girl a large grin. "Whu-whuddaya mean?"

"You know," the French girl replied with a victorious grin, "whatever you want to do."

"Buuuut," he whined as he stumbled into Penny back and draped his arms over her shoulders, "whut I wanna do is kiss Pen- uh, hey. What was your name again?"

The red-faced supposed Irish girl turned her head to scold him when her lips collided with his. She would've pulled away but, between the outraged shriek-gasp combo from Maddie and the bubbly warm feeling she was getting in her chest, Penny decided against it. Instead Talon was the one to pull away with a shit-eating grin.

"Oh that's right, Lucy." With those words the French villainess for hire stormed off the balcony. As soon as the doors shut behind her the henchman burst back out into laughter. "That was great!" The actual blonde stood frozen with her eyes on the teen who'd just stolen her first kiss. Taking a lazy seat on the railing once more the boy knocked his head back to laugh with the stars. Settling down he glanced back down to her and offered her a heartfelt smile. They stayed on the balcony for a bit, just gazing at one another.

That was until the entire building shook from an explosion.

"I was going to say," he said as he stood on the railing, "this is going a lot more peacefully than the usual villain meetups. I'm surprised no one's gotten trapped in an alternate dimension yet." Offering the undercover agent a hand the boy smirked. "Want a lift to ground level? Being this high up won't be very beneficial too soon." Smoke was starting to leak from underneath the balcony doors.

"Yeah," she nodded as she stepped up next to him and grasped his palm. "Lesser of two evils it is."

"I'm insulted." Talon said as he wrapped a hand around her waist, pulled her close, and then let his rocket boots ignite. "Hold on tight. I am still evil enough to drop you."

The fake Irish woman stared for a moment before grinning. "You don't have the guts."

The Hispanic teen whistled in surprise as he glanced at the girl in his arms. "You are riled up right now. I've got to be careful or you might actually damage my self esteem." He was still playful but there was an undertone of seriousness to his voice. Maybe the blonde shouldn't push it so long as he was the only thing keeping her from falling to her death. "By the way," the boy genius spoke up again as he gave her a lop-sided grin, "any time you've been within fifteen feet of me your wire signal has been jammed. All your buddies back at HQ have been hearing since you got close is a never ending remix of the most annoying song I could think of."

"Do I want to know?"

"Depends, are you planning to run a program I downloaded onto every hard drive at HQ titled 'porn'? Because that triggers it too."

The agent's jaw dropped in shock. "Are you telling me that every time I've heard that super annoying-"

"Yes."

"-was someone trying to run a program called 'porn'?" Talon laughed deviously. Penny's face darkened in realization. "I heard that music coming from the Chief's office." At that the teen's laughter raised in volume. They were nearing the ground now. Part of the castle behind them was on fire and another was beginning to crumble. The henchman's feet gently touched down on the grassy field below. Setting the girl down, the evil genius backed away.

With a playful salute he turned to get a running start before jumping into the air and taking off again. "See you next Tuesday!" he called out before taking off into the distance. The undercover agent watched him a bit before hearing sighs of relief from her earpiece.

Giggling, the blonde raised her fingers to the earpiece. "Chief, this is agent Penny Brown. MAD is planning something for next Tuesday."


	8. Purple Plaid

AN: Sorry if this one came a little later than usual (I can't accurately gauge it now). I'm currently in the middle of some of the most stressful, important, and future-determining tests I could ever take: a scary series of exams known as the International Baccalaureate. I had to study for these tests that determine my worth as a contributor to society and an individual (forgive me if I sound bitter- I am, but that doesn't mean I should bother you guys with it. This isn't what you came here for.) This is a pretty long author's note and I get pretty ranty because it is kind of how I deal with stress. To make this a little easier on those of you that actually read the Author's Notes I'll italicize all the ranty bits so that, if you want, you can skip them over. Anyway I think this is the longest Author's Note yet so… RESENT ME! HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAAAA!

To Guest: (Super specific, I know. To clarify I'm responding specifically to the one asking for me to give Talon Spanish speaking lines.) Good news, thanks to the curriculum that is delaying this chapter, I am near fluent in Spanish. I can't promise 100% accuracy but I can do better than Google Translate. A lot better than Google Translate. I'll start integrating that!

To Lady Secrecy: Your review- it just elicited so many emotions in me. There is something incredibly- I can't even find the adjective. When you, as a writer- albeit a novice, amateur, and hobbiest- create something and invest large amounts of time in something it is incredibly gratifying to receive any positive feedback. A simple 'this wus gud' puts a smile on your face (even if the grammar makes it a somewhat strained smile). However when you encounter a review so- so dedicated, something that you can tell took someone time and effort; it is bewildering and quite frankly amazing. Especially on this site. _Fanfiction dot net has a culture of consumption: lots of people read fanfictions- tons upon tons- but so very few take the time to review. Proof, you ask? Okay. This story, the one you're reading, has 52 reviews and 4,525 views (as of the time I'm writing this) and, quite frankly, that is really really good compared to the usual here on this site. Reviews are rare. If we use this fanfictions statistics as a model (which aren't reliable because you guys are wonderful and review way more than the average reader), you get one review for every eighty seven views. Most of them are brief and you can't fault people for that because the likelihood of them reviewing at all is somewhat of a miracle in itself- that and some people just aren't good with words or don't entirely know what to say-_ so when you come across a review so long that in the little email notification it sends you the message is cropped and it tells you there is more that you have to go to the site to read… Just… It's amazing! I've never gotten that message before. Ever. I didn't even know that was a thing until you, Lady Secrecy so… thank you for the wonderful review and thank you for indirectly teaching me something new.

To Darth Vigorous (Guest): I can do that! Right now I'm working on expanding the diversity of these one-shots since currently they're all pretty light-hearted and mostly just teasing and fluff. I've got a few darker fics in the work that a friend, pineapplefish, is helping me develop and I can certainly add more serious, kind of wholesome fics to the mix too!

To Incognito: Why yes, yes I can do a superhero crossover. Do you want me to turn them into superheroes, bring in other fictional superheroes, or create some superhero OCs to interact with the canon cast? Naturally OCs will be carefully managed to make sure they don't morph into a Mary Sue or push too harshly for relevance to the plot.

ABOUT THE SHIP NAME:

We still don't have a clear winner. You guys are just kinda all over the place.

The current rankings are:

Talpen - 2

Tanny - 1.5

Henchniece - 3

Taley - 1

Penon - .5

Tally- 1

Tenny - 1

Taly - 1

Pelonny - 1

Do you want to accept the current majority lead or do we need more votes?

* * *

Title: Purple Plaid

Word Count: 3,568

Genre: Humor / Slight Romance

Summary: This one is on the shorter side since I was pressed for time but wanted to give you guys something for the wait. Sometimes you just need to acknowledge the awesomeness of pajama pants.

Rating: T (Reason: Language)

* * *

"I swear to you Talon, it is my most brilliant plan yet!" The man exclaimed while waving his metal claw in the air.

Sighing the teen leaned back in his chair and rubbed his forehead. "Great, Uncle Claw. I can't wait!" Sarcasm couldn't have been more evident in his tone and yet his uncle either was incapable of picking up on it or simply didn't care.

"I was watching this VHS tape on proper business management," Dr. Claw said wistfully while rubbing his chin with his human hand. The boy groaned, "and it taught me the most important element of success."

"Oh good," the henchman muttered while massaging his temples.

"BRANDING!" the so-called mastermind declared while spinning in his chair. "They have to know who you are for you to succeed. So my newest plan- we're going to paint everything our colors! So they know the MAD brand!"

Starting up the Hispanic teen rubbed the back of his head. "You know, Uncle Claw, I'd love to help but, uh, I've got to work on my thesis paper since that is, uh, due soon."

"Didn't you already graduate college?" the man asked suspiciously.

"For applied physics and computer science, yes. But I went back for law, remember? As a back-up plan in case you got arrested?" There was no recognition on his uncle's face. "Seriously? We talked about this for weeks!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Dr. Claw said flippantly as he rose from his chair. "You don't want to participate in the most important MAD operation to date? Fine. Go write your stupid paper."

"You're acting like a passive-aggressive teenage girl." Talon called as he let the Ops room. Waltzing down the halls of Claw castle the teen let out another sigh, "at least I got out of doing that one. It is his worst plan yet. I'm just glad he doesn't care enough to know I already finished my thesis and am graduating early- again." Stretching his arms up over his head the boy genius yawned. "Looks like I get a day off."

In true lazy day fashion, Talon charged out of his mission suit and into a comfy pair of pajamas. It was a little warm for a shirt so he stayed topless while wearing his favorite pair of baggy pajama pants.

When his uncle's maniacal laughter became too loud and obnoxious to drown out with whatever loud movie the teen could put on, Talon looked for a new purpose. Sighing in frustration the teen shoved himself off the couch and headed to the other side of the lair, near the back.

In an attempt to physically distance himself from his uncle, Talon had built himself a personal gym in the back of their hidden castle. It contained all the standard equipment: pull-up bars, dumbbells, laser equipped obstacle courses, nothing too extreme. The room itself was large and open with purple ats and varying shades of grey speckled across the floor. Turning on his surround sound speaker system the teen marvelled as one of his favorite songs started playing. Bobbing his head to the upbeat music and mouthing the words the boy genius approached a pull-up bar.

Talon jumped up and caught the metal rod in his hands, effectively dangling himself above the ground. "Computer," his voice was steady as he started his first rep, "initiate voice operations: rep counter. Voice mode: Alpha Charlie."

The powerful voice of Apollo Creed roared to life as the teen lifted his chin above the bar. "One."

There was something especially ridiculous about the MAD plot this time. It seemed the goal was to paint major landmarks, larger buildings, and an overwhelming amount of entirely randomly chosen insignificant structures. A dollar store in a small town was a target. Penny couldn't make rhyme or reason of it but she was going to stop it. The whole thing was being controlled at the MADcastle, currently hidden in a mountain beneath the sea.

It should be a typical mission; the blonde was expecting the usual course events, which meant, naturally, that she would be facing against Talon. Recently his reflexes were getting sharper by a few milliseconds -no, she was not weird for noticing that- which was making their fights a little tougher. Actually, a lot tougher. Penny didn't really enjoy the fact that Talon was -technically- the superior fighter. It was the anatomy and physiology. She couldn't help that her genetics gave her less muscle mass. Regardless, she was going to have to prepare to fight Talon and his stupid genetically-superior muscles.

Those stupid genetically-superior muscles.

Those stupid genetically-superior muscles that she could not tear her eyes away from.

The agent entered the lair through the back. There was an obvious seam in the building; a large section had evidently been added after the initial build which meant for easier insertion. Creeping along the poorly lit hallways of the back, she noticed a brightly lit entryway into a room. The closer she got the louder the gentle sound of chillstep pulsating in the background, accompanied by an increasing number count in a strangely familiar voice that she couldn't place. Peeking carefully around the corner of the doorframe, the girl froze up.

A shirtless, shiny-muscled, tan teenager was periodically pulling himself up on a metal bar. With each chin touch the number being called out by the nostalgic voice increased. Penny could easily see the defined antagonizing muscles contract and relax beneath caramel skin as the boy's body worked to pull his weight up and slowly lower it back down. A light sheen of sweat made him look like he was starring in some ridiculous sports drink commercial. And for whatever stupid reason the blonde felt her hands quake at the sight.

"One-hundred thirty seven." The voice called out over the soothing beats.

She couldn't stop the words from slipping out of her mouth. "One-hundred thirty seven?!"

Talon froze and gently lowered himself to the ground. "I didn't activate the Papa Bravo program, did I?" Stretching his muscles loose, he took a moment to cool down before returning to the matter at hand. "Computer: Diagnostics." A holographic screen stretched into existence in front of his face. Lithely tapping various icons and bringing up multiple windows that Penny couldn't make out from her hiding spot behind the doorway, Talon seemed puzzled. "It isn't running. Is it glitching out? Damn... it was a quick programming. Strange though, I'm never sloppy." Rubbing the nape of his neck in confusion, the teen sighed and closed the screen. "Whatever I'll fix it later."

With a soft sigh of relief, Penny pressed herself up against the wall to make sure she stayed out of sight before letting her head loll in the side with the loss of tension. She had to remember the mission. The mission. Keep the world from sloppily being painted purple. Remember the mission. Remembering the enemy so close by, the girl stiffened and peeked back around the doorway to look for the boy genius. Inside the room was empty.

"Where'd he go?" A hushed voice whispered from behind her.

"I don't know, but-" Penny's voice caught in her throat when she remembered she was supposed to be here alone. With a strangled cry mixed with a squeak the blonde jumped back from the sudden intruder.

Crouching down next to where she had just been was Talon with the biggest grin on his face. He was barely containing himself. The blonde's face reddened at the embarrassment, the proximity, and the tiniest bit at the sight of the teen himself. Before she'd stupidly been distracted by the -ahem- anatomy of his muscles -stupid hormones- but looking at him now, if it weren't for the fact that she knew his personality the girl genius would've called him cute. His workout had tousled his dark hair which apparently he hadn't bothered to put gel in today making it look fluffier and lighter than usual along with revealing an apparent tendency for his hair to curl naturally. The curling was only evident in the shorter hairs, in which they would arc in a little loop like an arch, and for whatever dumb reason Penny found that adorable. He was shirtless, a fact that made the agent very uncomfortable for a reason she would continue to deny for as long as she possibly could, and barefoot. The only clothing visible on his person was a pair of purple plaid pajama pants that hung loosely and baggily from his hip bones. They seemed old and, in the way that only clothing can be, loved.

"I assume you're here about the whole 'paint everything purple thing'," the nonchalance in Talon's voice caused the girl to relax slightly. Apparently he wasn't in the mood for a fight. Good.

"Yes," Penny said as she straightened her posture and tried to appear more in control than she felt. "I'm here for the 'paint everything purple thing'."

Running a hand through his hair in frustration, the Hispanic teen let out a frustrated sigh. "I'd kinda hoped he'd change his mind at the last minute. I should've known not to hope for the impossible." Glancing back at her with a pitiful look that sent the girl's stomach on a one way trip to a butterfly garden, Talon stood and held out his hand to help her up. "I'd like this, uh, evil plot," his voice strained at the last two words, "to be over as soon as possible. So he can move on to bigger and better things, you know?" The blonde nodded, glancing at the hand in suspicion. "I'll take you to the main operations center so you can shut this… scheme down." Satisfied with the sheer amount of distaste the nephew apparently had for the plan his uncle concocted, the HQ agent accepted his hand up.

"So," the girl genius said as she patted some invisible dust off her thighs after standing up, "why aren't you participating in this mission?" Talon's hearty laughter was, for once, without malice. It was strange and yet she felt like she couldn't get enough of that sound.

"You're kidding right?" He said as he started to lead her down the corridors. "I may be a henchman but I'm still a genius," the Hispanic teen raised his eyebrows pridefully as he shot her a sideways glance, "two PhDs and all." She rolled her eyes in derision and he laughed again. Penny decided that she needed his non-evil laughter on her iPod. She didn't know how she'd get it but she would. "Anyway, even a person with an IQ of 70 would know this plan was stupid. I got out right as he proposed it with the excuse that I needed to finish my paper for la-" His face suddenly lit up as he slapped a gloved hand over his mouth.

"La?" Penny asked with a mischievous grin. "Talon Claw, what are you up to?"

"Nothing illegal." He said while directing his eyes up and away from her. Her mouth screwed to the side in suspicion as she raised a thin, blonde eyebrow.

"Oh really?" There was something incredibly satisfying to the HQ agent to finally have her rival playing defense.

"Tch, of course," his arrogance was back but it seemed fake now.

"I don't believe you." Her grin felt as though it were reinforced by steel. She couldn't remove it if she tried.

His thick eyebrows quirked upwards as he looked at her before he let a smirk settle on his face. Picking up his pace so she could only look at his back he let out the arrogant laugh that Penny didn't like nearly as much. "Oh please Penny, you're just trying to keep the conversation away from the elephant in the room."

The blonde tilted her head in confusion as she tried to understand his words. "What?"

Glancing back at her from over his shoulder, the boy genius' grin widened, "you're relieved I'm not on the mission because I'm just too good. You feel like you could never beat me." His words made her seethe- that was until she noticed the eloquent pose he'd struck and the chuckles slipping out under his breath. Talon was making a joke. Did it hit some sore spots with her? Maybe, but she wouldn't let him know.

"Oh please, like you could beat me," the blonde crossed her arms as she shifted her weight on to one foot to let her hip jutt out to the side. "You aren't even in a mission uniform. You're incredibly hindered."

Glancing down at his pajama pants the Hispanic teen let out a boisterous laugh. "You think these babies are bringing me down?" His laughter abruptly ceased as he sent her a challenging grin. "These are my favorite pajama pants for a reason," Talon said as he turned back around and walked slowly down the hall, "let's see if you can keep up." In a flash he'd spun and ran through a doorway to his left.

Scrambling after him the blonde turned the corner just in time to see her rival jump off the smooth stone floor to grab onto one of many horizontal bars in the air. The boy genius used his momentum to twist up over the bar twice before settling into a handstand atop it. He did half of a cartwheel to right himself before jumping to the next rod. "Where are you going?" Penny shouted as the boy continued his acrobatics. She couldn't tear her eyes away from his perfect form- how was he so good at gymnastics?

"I'm taking you to the main operations center!" He shouted from the bar closest to the high ceiling. "I can't help it if you get lost along the way!" With that sentiment he hit a concealed button on the ceiling that opened a hole in the wall near the top just big enough for him, which meant there'd be plenty of room for Penny. "Note how my awesome pajama pants didn't at all hinder my movement or momentum as I climbed up the bars! And that isn't even the best part!" Cackling he jumped through the hole into the next room.

With a growl of frustration Penny began her own climb to the still open hole in the wall. He couldn't even see her yet the HQ agent still tried her hardest to be graceful and threw a few unnecessary flips into her routine. Not that she cared what he thought, she just wanted to prove she could get an olympic medal too if she tried. Reaching the opening with ease, the girl genius let out a little huff of pride before following her nemesis.

The hole led to a short slide that had her slipping down a dark tube for a few seconds before shooting her out into a bright room. The blonde rolled onto her feet and looked up only to find Talon at the end of a long tiled hallway.

"Another perk about these bad boys," he called out triumphantly as he took a step forward on to a colored tile. "Flame-Retardant." Hot flames shot out from the walls as Talon backflipped out of the way. He managed to direct his legs such that the fire always met his purple plaid pajama pants allowing the teen to come out unscathed. Striking yet another ridiculous pose the evil genius basked in his moment of achievement before escaping again through another door with a cackle. "And I still haven't even told you the best part!"

With a growl Penny examined the ground below her. The colored tiles apparently triggered flame traps and yet she wouldn't be surprised if Talon was trying to mislead her. Instead it'd be safest to just get through the hallway as quickly as possible. Cartwheeling her way through would help to keep the force of her weight constantly shifting and hopefully allowing less pressure plates to be triggered. Backing up to get a running start, the HQ agent gracefully twisted her body and began to cartwheel down the hallway. Noticeable spouts of flames were triggered behind her yet the girl was able to keep just out of their scalding reach. By the time she reached the end of the corridor, Penny was thoroughly excited. This game he was playing was turning out to be rather fun.

Running through the exit, Penny found herself in a large circular room. Titanium rods were being shot from holes in the rounded wall as it seemed to spin around the center. On a raised platform in the middle of the room stood Talon. The teen was dodging all of the metal rods with the least possible movement however when she showed up he shot her a grin and started to get unnecessarily flashy.

"Check out these moves!" He said gleefully as he let himself fall back on his elbows and began to breakdance to avoid the dangerous spears. The blonde couldn't stop her laughter at the sight. Hopping back up the evil genius cycled through moonwalking, the Disco point, and even other such dancing masterpieces as the chicken dance, all while dodging the numerous high-velocity spears being thrown in his direction from all sides. "By the way," he suddenly said while standing up after doing the worm, "did I mention that another cool part about these babies," gesturing to a purple plaid pants legs he lifted it in the air to be perfectly parallel to his body. At that moment a titanium rod hit him on the calf of one of his pajama covered legs. Talon didn't even flinch. "Is that they're indestructible?" The metal rod had smushed into itself upon impact, becoming flat like a pancake against the highly lifted leg. The Hispanic teen would never admit it but he had a bruise forming from the shot- just because his pajamas were indestructible didn't mean they would eliminate all of the force behind the projectile. "Still not the best part!" The boy genius shouted as a hatch opened underneath him and let him drop out of sight. It slid shut almost immediately after Talon had disappeared from view.

"My turn, huh?" The blonde murmured as she went to stand in the center. Immediately the program started up again sensing her weight on the platform. Penny didn't bother with the showy moves that her rival had demonstrated. Conserving her energy she stayed focused and dodged with the most efficiency she could manage. Once the trial had ended the girl also dropped through the floor.

It was a brief fall. She eventually landed on a beanbag in front of a large flat screen TV. Leave it to the villains to be pretentious about their TV sets. There was no challenge this time as Talon was merely leaning against a door frame on the adjacent wall with the smirk she'd come to know so well.

"So what's the best part?" She asked as she hopped off the worn seat to join her rival.

He, still having fun, only replied, "guess." The Hispanic teen lithely shoved himself off the door frame and proceeded down the hallway it led to.

"Are they… shock resistant?" The blonde said as she fell in step with him.

"Yes, but that isn't the best part." He replied nonchalantly as he scratched at his bare chest.

"Does it use tech to strengthen your muscles? How about cloaking? Does it hide your heat signature?" She shot each guess at him in rapidfire, hoping to make it more exhausting so he'd just give up the gun and tell her.

"To an extent, I really only use it to reduce muscle fatigue, it does cloak although that really doesn't help much since they're only pants, and it can hide my heat signature but again- only pants. I'd be a everything from the waist up and a pair of feet. And, for the record, none of that is the best part." Coming to a large set of menacing metal-plated double doors, Talon gestured to the entrance. "And here we are, thank you for flying Air Talon and remember: we aren't responsible for anything lost or stolen."

Penny stood for a moment, staring at the doors before glancing back at her rival. "So, what is the best part about those _fabulous_ pants?"

With a grin he set his hands upon his hips and stuck a proud pose. "They're crazy comfortable." Laughing, the teen turned around to walk back to the room with the TV. The girl genius watched for a moment before letting a sly smirk slip onto her face.

"Too bad all that is ruined since they're purple plaid."

Talon shot a mischievous glare over his shoulder before continuing down the hallway. "Thats a dangerous thing to say, Pretty Penny."

Turning the corner he disappeared from sight.

The mission went without a hitch. Penny shut everything down smoothly and her uncle was somehow blamed by Dr. Claw, which was for the better. It was when she returned to her condo that she realized the true threat of what she'd said to Talon. The girl had insulted an evil genius with access to technology capable of painting anything on any structure. Naturally the entirety of her condo complex was painted purple plaid to match Talon's pajama pants.

"I suppose it isn't all that bad now that I look closer at it." She mused as she admired the building.


	9. Happy Birthday

A/N: Where have I been? Everywhere. Anywhere. Actually I was moving because I graduated from high school and am attending college in a different state. Freedom! But that isn't what is important. So this is the implementation of the previously posed idea- if you don't remember I'm trying to vary the quirky light hearted with more serious and maybe even dark. This one is darker than others. The only comedy is Talon's sardonic tone throughout it all. For the record this idea was initially given to me by a reader named pineapplefish. Pineapplefish had some crazy cool ideas and Pm'd me so I've been working on them ever since.

FanpeoplesRULE: I get what you're saying but there is way too much evidence to the contrary. Talon is Claw's henchman who was raised to serve him and be evil whereas William was just the innocent kid who knew nothing of his uncle's business. They've got nearly polar opposite personalities. I haven't seen any evidence to the support the idea that Claw only has one brother as little is known about the Claw family. Just so you know, the way Grandma Claw treats Dr. Claw is most similar to the way a parent treats a middle child according to my time studying developmental psychology. That and Talon is Hispanic where William was white. It is an interesting idea that Talon is the transformed William and I'm sure details could be worked out to explain that but I personally don't support the theory. However if you would really like to see a short where that is the case I'll see what I can do.

Anonymous: It isn't even remotely lame that my fanfiction can do that for you. At all. Nor is it something for you to be ashamed of for sharing it. I mean, this is the internet so sharing heartfelt emotions can be pretty dangerous in certain places, but not here. I can say that I've personally been through that kind of experience because of a corrupt institution that I unfortunately found myself a part of. I was angry all the time- I'm a very short tempered person actually. It was hard to be happy about anything because I was always so angry and frustrated and just- I mean everything I saw was always tinged red. I did everything I could to get back what little control I had without becoming a target for their scrutiny and sometimes that fury would hurt others because I was just so determined to hurt the institution. I spread rumors and would "let" confidential information slip to people, I had printed out an underground newspaper that I was going to distribute before a friend interfered to make sure that I wasn't about to be exposed, I broke down crying and shouting at a man who couldn't have been more wrong about what took place there. In the end, I made it out the other side of the institution and the person in charge wanted to give me a hug. I walked around that person in a huge arc with a disgusted look on my face. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I get how powerful the emotion that you're feeling is, we might've responded differently to the type of situation but I do empathize. I promise that you can make it out the other end- just like I did- and when you're finally out there's this just… beautiful moment of catharsis where all that red I saw just kind of melted away from my eyes. My lungs just kind of swelled with air and I had the tiniest smile on my face. I know it sounds cheesy as crap but that moment was magical. You can get there and experience it and- maybe when you do, send me a message. I'd like to hear all about it. (But fyi this one is a little more dark so I'm kinda worried it won't be as effective as the others were at making you happy. I promise the next one is going to be happier so if this one isn't enough just hold out a little longer!)

OnceUponAMidnight: Thanks so much! I know my typos just keep popping up and I always try to catch them but I'm awful at proofreading. I'm trying to get better at it and I promise I used to be so much worse. My first fanfiction, which is still on the site, is so incredibly awful. I leave it up as a reminder to myself how important and powerful grammar, diction, proper sentence structure, punctuation, and all around just correct writing are (please don't take that as an invitation to go look for that fic. It is so very very awful. Please don't. You will suffer just as much from reading it as I would knowing that you read it). I really appreciate how you took the time to write about each of the shots, knowing the specifics of each shot helps me figure out what you guys like so I can cater more to that and keep making you guys happy. I hope you got a good night's sleep.

Devilsdaughter14: I… think I get what you're saying. Yeah! Yeah, maybe. I get the general gist of your message and thank you! Your words are kind of rushed and it causes your sentences to get packed full of information and you end up loosing some of the meaning. You can break those sentences down to make it easier on the reader and yourself. Most importantly, thank you so much!

Lazerkat: I can't put a date in this one but I can in the next one. Next one is slotted to be waaay more lighthearted. I've got a pretty good idea for it too!

Looking at this AN and how long it was I'm going to start replying to those that I can via PM just so those it doesn't concern don't have to scroll past all this nonsense.

HOLY CRAP GUYS. I don't know how it happened but there is a season 2 on Netflix now. I honestly never thought Inspector Gadget would see the light again but, none the less, I am kind of happy about it. I haven't watched it yet (mostly out of fear) but I will. I promise that when I do I'll write even more about these two teens.

* * *

Being a part of the Claw family was never an easy task. Talon had been aware of this fact before he even knew how to speak. A lifetime of suffering had taught him how to take the harder knocks, even if it meant having the defense mechanism that is being severely immature at times. However there was something that never failed to remind him of his unfortunate lot in life.

The funny thing about the Claw family was that they hadn't always been villains. One thing that they had always been was severely unlucky. No day was this more evident than the birthday of a Claw family member. Injury was unavoidable and most were just happy to still be alive by the end of the day. It was the constant frustration brought on by their awful fate that turned the family to villainy.

Talon's birthday was just around the corner and he was dreading the upcoming days. He'd requested a three day leave from his uncle, who despite knowing the exact reason, still decided not only to be unsympathetic but also difficult about the entire matter. The man kept calling his nephew weak despite the fact that, when the evil overlord's birthday rolled around, he took an entire week off. Talon only wanted the day preceding, the day of, and the day after off. Day 1 to prepare; day 2 to suffer; day 3 to recover.

Dr. Claw begrudgingly obliged.

* * *

The first day was spent rigorously. Hours were spent reinforcing the steel walls of his bedroom, padding all surfaces within, and installing layer upon layer of locks to the entryway. Everything was hypoallergenic and flame-retardant. A series of air filters, air tanks, back-up tanks, and an encyclopedia's worth of 'plan B's for every situation were installed. Special waste receptacles were carefully designed and created. The perfect balance of nutrients that would never perish were also stored within the room. It was an exhaustive day that had the Hispanic teen sweating profusely by the end.

Stepping back, the evil genius admired his handiwork. The environment was flawless- it was practically impossible for anything to go wrong in it.

"Okay," he muttered, "I think this'll be enough to help me survive the day." Approaching the ten foot thick steel reinforced, hyper-padded door the teen engaged a series of locks of varying levels of complexity and reliance upon electricity.

The sound of metal clicking filled the silence of the room. With a sigh the boy genius headed to the solitary futon laying in the middle of his heavily padded floor. "I probably didn't even need this but it's too late to change my mind now." Flopping down on the thin mattress, Talon let his eyes flutter shut.

"You'll make it through this," he muttered as he fell into a deep, albeit wary, sleep.

* * *

Day Two started the same way it always did for Talon: with a terrifying nightmare that forced him to wake up screaming at 12:01 am. Jolting upwards from his futon covered in sweat and a scream strangled in his throat. Even as his body tried to tell him he was terrified the Hispanic teen's mind was at relative ease. He was so used to the haunting images that were reverberating in his subconscious. The consecutive deaths of his family members were nothing new.

Instead Talon chose to lie back down onto his futon and relax his body. Some of the muscles in his limbs were still spasming from the initial sudden movements. Forcing his breathing to slow down and stay steady, the evil genius let his mind drift about loosely.

Thoughts flowed calmly like a stream, each gradually transforming into the next. The birthday boy pondered many things; his consciousness wandering from the comfort of his bedding to child labor overseas and eventually to a consideration of the nature of existence itself. He mentally charted schematics for new inventions he could make. Yet more than anything else he found his mind gravitating towards thoughts of a blonde girl.

It wasn't unusual for Penny to occupy his thoughts. The great amount of interaction between the two made it hard to not think of her however she did worm her way to the forefront of his mind even more so than should be expected. Despite his adolescence and the naturally resultant hormones the thoughts rarely strayed into adult territory. Rather when thinking of his fellow genius, the henchman often pondered the extent to which their... connection between the two could be stretched. Talon was hesitant to use the word relationship when considering the mutual acknowledgement between he and the girl. In all fairness he was aware that relationship didn't imply any romantic inclinations according to the dictionary, in fact the term didn't even limit to only those of positive inclination. Technically the word relationship was entirely accurate to describe the, well, relationship between the geniuses. Yet it still felt wrong to Talon.

Instead he wondered how far each one of them would venture for the other. The bond between them, the rivalry, the attraction, the sympathy, all of it; how far did that take the two? It was an interesting psychological question: what was each worth to the other? They were two of a kind- unlike any other. What would one do to keep the only one that understood him or her around? Would they even go so far as to risk their lives for one another?

The boy genius would love to know the answer and yet feared that one day he might. To learn the solution to his posed problem would mean to risk ultimately at least one life. Talon himself could not determine the extent he would go to for her; the Hispanic teen could easily imagine himself reacting selfishly to save his own hide or risking his neck for her. However he wouldn't truly know unless he was there in the situation himself.

By the time his consciousness resurfaced a few hours had passed. The clock he installed on the ceiling read 3:14 AM. As though knowing the teen was looking, the clock burst into flames. Talon rolled his eyes and let the clock burn itself out; once the device was nothing but a blackened crisp the wall opened behind it and the ruined machine fell into the hole behind it. Seconds later an identical, pristine clock emerged.

The evil genius sighed as he accepted the fact that the disastrous luck was finally starting to kick in. In the midst of his sigh the Hispanic teen began to choke on nothing at all, or perhaps his own saliva. Rolling off the futon and onto the padded floor, Talon gasped out as he triggered the response to respiratory failure. All at once the oxygen concentration in his room increased slightly while robotic arms reached down from the ceiling to administer CPR. 30 painful chest compressions by metal hands followed by oxygen being forced into his windpipe. It was unbearably painful. By the end of it he had huge dark bruises in the center of his chest that ached every time he moved his core muscles.

"Oh yeah," he muttered sarcastically as he laid spread eagle out on the floor, "this is going to be so much fun."

* * *

Six hours in and Talon had managed to survive after multiple spontaneous combustions, a number of sudden carbon monoxide leaks, every other muscle in his body cramping in unison for what he supposed was shits and giggles, and even a surprise brain aneurysm. Groping at his aching throat the teen let out a weak cough followed by a wheeze. Man oh man did he love his birthday.

A soft whistling could be heard from outside his room. As it grew in volume Talon let out a groan and rolled onto his stomach to brace for impact. Once the sound grew deafening a quake ripped over the room as a violent explosion sounded from beyond the walls. Whatever crashed into him was now nothing but a ball of fire and debris on the other side of his steel walls. He hoped it was an unmanned drone.

It probably wasn't. No, it definitely wasn't. Pained screams could be faintly from the other side. Curling into the fetal position the evil genius clamped his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. He just had to wait. This Hell would end eventually.

Note to self: soundproof the walls next year.

* * *

Time ticked by slowly. It sadistically ambled, hobbling and staggering mockingly, passing him by leisurely with a spiteful grin. Taunting him, teasing him- Talon felt nauseous. Actually he felt incredibly nauseous. Scrambling to the far corner of his room the teen hit a button nestled within the padding on his walls. A hatch opened up in front of him which he proceeded to hurl the contents of his stomach into.

Why was he retching? Who knows; it could be a hormone imbalance, something he ate, the gods cursing his name, anything really.

Falling backwards onto his back and leaving his limbs askew making him look like a star, the evil genius sighed painfully as he listened to the whirring of the hatch closing. The bile burned his mouth and throat while the pungent scent scalded his nose. Puking was the opposite of fun but at least he no longer felt nauseous. The little optimism that he could afford to have was all that kept him from morphing from a supervillain into a serial killer.

Talon was scared to look at the clock, terrified to find that only minutes had past, that his day of torment would continue on even longer- infinitely so. With a shuddering breath, the Hispanic boy risked a glance at the clock. 6:24 AM.

It would never end.

* * *

He'd hummed an entire symphony, Beethoven's Symphony No. 3 to be exact- 56 minutes long and scored for two flutes, two oboes, two clarinets in B-flat, two bassoons, three horns (the 1st in E-flat, C, and F; the 2nd in E-flat and C; and the 3rd in E-flat), two trumpets in E-flat and C, timpani in E-flat and B-flat (in the 1st, 3rd, and 4th movements) and in C and G (in the 2nd movement), and strings. Talon wasn't much of a music nut, Symphony No. 3 was the only one he knew so well as to hum the entirety. It was mostly because of the length- humming it was an excellent way to pass the time. It ensured that he would get 56 minutes of his life out of the way, incredibly convenient unlike Grieg's In The Hall of the Mountain King which barely lasted three minutes. While bad stuff had certainly happened during those 56 minutes, focusing on the symphony made it easier to ignore. That was why he began to hum the exact same symphony again.

One day Talon would build a time machine to thank good ol' Ludwig for the favor he'd done him.

* * *

With a yawn the teen rolled onto his side. He felt his shoulder slip out of its socket just as he began to put pressure on it and let out a tired groan. Sitting up, he swiveled his dislocated arm back into place before popping it right back into its socket. The muscle around it angrily screamed at the genius but he refused to let the pain bother him. Laying back down on his back, Talon stared at the clock in the ceiling before rolling onto his other side. Just like that the other shoulder was out of it's socket as the teen let out a frustrated moan and sat up to correct his dislocated shoulder.

Blank stares bounced off the padded pristine white walls on all sides of him. He used every trick in the book to pass the time. He'd recited the entire dictionary aloud, even quoting thesauruses. Ultimately the evil genius had sacrificed his state of mind short-term in exchange for survival in the long run. The day was reaching late afternoon and Talon was still alive. Only a few more hours to go and he'd be on the tail end of this Hell.

Wandering aimlessly much like a nomadic man would, with little wonder as nothing becomes new because you've seen it all before, his mind returned to Penny: his compliment, his character foil, his ideal mate. It was easy to assign such labels to her but what were her labels for him?

Personal annoyance was likely one. Talon liked to think that infuriatingly skilled was another. There was one label he knew she filed him under, one she'd never admit but it was plain as day on her face: Pitiful. The blonde pitied the evil teen. Naturally this pissed him off to no end. Was he deserving of pity? Probably, but that didn't mean he needed it. The Hispanic boy certainly didn't want it. The worst part was that he had no idea how to make her stop- how can he make it so that she won't pretty him? It seemed impossible.

The cards were stacked against him- his home life, his personality disorder, his appearance, his pride. There was so little he could do to change her opinion of him that Talon gave up altogether. Let Penny think what she wanted to- the genius couldn't change her mind regardless of how much he wanted to.

Recalling her pity made him feel angry as he curled onto his side to glare at the padded walls. He needed no pity. The teen could take care of himself, just look at how he'd managed to survive the onslaught of his birthday.

* * *

The birthday boy managed something akin to sleep, or rather a nap, in which he'd lose consciousness for maybe three minutes before being startled awake by some catastrophe. The limbo of conscious and unconscious lasted a few hours before Talon woke fully to the sound of banging on his door.

"Talon!" Growled the heavy voice of Dr. Claw, "wake up!"

"What?!" The tortured boy shouted, feeling briefly like a regular teenager from the annoyance laden in his voice.

"You're going on a mission first thing tomorrow!" Called the evil mastermind from the other side.

"What?!" Talon shrieked incredulously.

"I said-"

"I know what you said!" The evil genius shouted as he clambered to his feet, "and I'm saying no fucking way!"

"You will go or I'll pull you out of whatever college it is you're in right now!"

Talon slammed his fist against his bedroom door. "Do you have any idea how long I have been studying to graduate from this law school?! I am three weeks away and you want to pull me out?!"

"You're a minor, legally I control your fate so do as I say!" His uncle yelled while walking away.

"The moment I can I'm emancipating myself!" The teen yelled despite knowing his guardian was no longer listening. "You've got to be kidding me..." He mumbled while falling back against his padded floor.

* * *

Staring up at the clock above his head, the boy counted the minutes until midnight. He was tired, severely tired but he knew he couldn't get a decent rest until he'd made it into tomorrow.

The moment the digital display read 12:00 AM the Hispanic teen let out a sigh as his burning eyelids fell shut. There was still some residual bad luck that would haunt him tomorrow but the evil genius chose not to focus on that in favor of congratulating himself for surviving the day. He didn't know if he'd be able to say the same thing at the end of this new day so he might as well say it now.

Sleep first, worry later.

* * *

He awoke feeling incredibly sore. The multiple injuries and overwhelming amount of dislocation made every muscle in the teen's body ache at even the thought of moving. A note laid at the foot of his door; the pale fibers blending in amongst the stark white of the padding covering his floor. Scrawled on it in his uncle's abysmal handwriting was the information on his mission that day. MADintel apparently located a sunken ship with a good amount of treasure on it to support their evil schemes for many, many years. It was Talon's job to secure the treasure. Naturally as MAD knew about it HQ knew too since no MADintel was secure no matter how many firewalls the teen installed or how many workers he interrogated. The leak was, somehow, untraceable.

So now an incredibly impaired Talon was tasked with doing his usual job which typically needed a team of experts to accomplish in the first place. The teen managed to do it by himself most of the time, unless of course Gadget was involved, but as he was now he wouldn't be able to do much of anything. Except possibly die. There was a distinct likelihood that could be the end result of this. Smugly, the boy genius wondered where his uncle would be without him. What could the so-called mastermind accomplish without the core cog in the MAD machine that Talon was? The evil genius noted that his narcissism was an excellent defense against fear of impending suffering and possible doom. Although rather than afraid, he just felt pissed off.

Grumbling as he pushed himself off the futon, the henchman wondered if he should actually put away effort into the mission. Rather than obtaining the treasure, it seemed as though the focus of his mission would be survival. While he'd rather that he were the master of his own fate, Talon seriously doubted he had so much as a chance to succeed.

The teen shrugged out of his special, and humorously named, "birthday suit"- made of hypoallergenic, indestructible fibres- and changed into his mission gear. Minutes later he was on the launch pad running triple diagnostic checks on his rocket boots. The absolute last thing he needed was for his main mode of transportation to malfunction. With an "all clear" from the system, the evil genius took off into the sky.

Making sure his helmet for long trips was properly supplying oxygen, Talon let himself enjoy the journey. The quiet, long hours he spent traversing the skies were his favorite time. Suspended in the air, alone but free to be himself- it was tge teen's happy place. A nearby flock of birds regarded him with mild interest before continuing on. Tilting his feet, the evil genius let himself be rocketed up through the cloud layer. Murky whiteness clouded his vision until he burst through into a clear patch above. A breathtaking view of the fluffy white blanket coated in sunlight spanning for miles upon miles filled his mind. He let a single conscious thought squeeze itself to the forefront of his brain: it was a view worth dying for.

With that last thought the boy let out a yell that ripped through his throat like tissue paper and deactivated the thrusters in his shoes. Going into freefall, Talon marvelled at the sound and sensation of wind whipping past him. By the time he reached terminal velocity, the Hispanic couldn't contain the grin that stretched across his face. This, without a doubt, was his chosen way to go. The gentle ping that sounded from his helmet alerted the henchman to his proximity to the destination. Twisting his body to redirect his fall, the boy reignited his rocket boots so he could fly along the ocean's surface. A screen inside his visor showed the teen the point at which he needed to dive. Sticking his hands out and pointing his fingers to the sea, Talon let the water encase him. He quickly changed the thrusters to hydroelectric power using a ventilation system to filter air in and out of his boots to propel him through the water.

The water pressed his polymer mission outfit tight against his skin, reminding the boy of the skin tight uniforms of the MAD henchmen. Honestly, they looked ridiculous. Talon simply couldn't understand why in the world his uncle thought a bunch of grown men squished into latex suits seemed threatening. It was like being attacked by a large, colorful sausage. The teen's thoughts were interrupted by the sight of a downed ship coming into his line of sight. He just needed to get it over with quickly and then he could move on with his life. A brief smile slipped onto the genius' lips as he acknowledged what was to come. Being at the wreckage meant that the mission was officially commencing. Mission start meant his inevitable battle with his rival was about to begin and time spent with her was only second to time spent flying.

Penny was probably one of his favorite people, not just because she was attractive (although that certainly did help), but because she rarely underestimated him. Sure, it was frustrating that she labelled him blatantly without understanding the boy, like everyone else did, but the teen knew she suffered from a similar fate to his own: she was constantly underestimated and under recognized. They sympathized with one another as they fought in the name of someone else. The boy genius' mind couldn't help but drift to the thought of knights under different feudal lords that were warring for territory- a far more interesting version of Romeo and Juliet. Maybe he was a romantic.

Talon continued to ponder the medieval alternate world as he set small devices, almost like charges, along the rim of the boat.

A quick button press on the device on his wrist and the his small gadgets lit up with electricity as a hydrophobic bubble formed around the wreck. He'd really outdone himself that time around. Stepping lithely into the air bubble he'd made, the evil teen leisurely made his way into the bow from a gaping hole in the side of the ship. It didn't take him long to find the "treasure," which turned out to be a bunch of limited edition beanie babies that had been sealed in airtight containers which MAD could sell on eBay for thousands. Frowning thoughtfully, the Hispanic teen pondered something for a moment before nodding to himself and dropping a small metal ball he'd pulled from his pocket into the crate filled to the brim with exclusive collectibles.

"Hold it right there!" A feminine voice suddenly called out from behind the henchman. Wha- Where did she even-? Mentally shrugging, the boy genius decided he didn't actually care.

"Hey, pretty Penny," Talon grinned at how calm he sounded but figured that Penny would interpret his expression as smug. "What are you doing here so soon? I was planning to finish fixing up my little project here before inviting you on a sailing trip."

"I-" She didn't know how to respond, as usual her comeback skills were just incredibly below par and he found it adorable how she struggled to respond to his typical enemy banter. "I don't care! Step away from the-"

"The beanie babies?" The Hispanic teen interrupted suddenly.

"Yes, the beanie- wait, Beanie babies?" The blonde frowned as she leaned to the side to peer around Talon's form into the crate. "Seriously. What does MAD want with Beanie Babies?"

"Other people want them," Talon replied, disdainful of the small plushes. Crossing his arms as he turned around to regard them, the henchman frowned. "I don't know why, but other people want them so we can sell them."

"Oh," The HQ agent stared at the crate silently for a moment before turning back to her arch rival. "This seems kind of stupid now that I know we're fighting over a bunch of tiny bears in chef outfits but a mission is a mission so let's do this." She settled back into a fighting stance and waited for the boy to do the same. Talon groaned as he let his aching body slide into a similar stance. He wasn't going to win this one. As Penny went in for a high kick aimed at his jaw, the Hispanic teen shifted just barely out of the way before throwing a right counter aimed at her cheek. He cursed as his elbow suddenly popped out of its socket causing his forearm to shift entirely away from his intended target.

"You've got to be kidding me." The boy muttered. His punch left him wide open and a quick knee to his side sent him flying onto the splintered, rotting wood under his feet. The evil genius hurriedly tried to reset his arm but Penny wasted no time in preparing to drop kick him. Instead, the Hispanic forsook his elbow in favor of rolling out of the way of the heavy blow aimed at him. The joint only became more irritated as he applied pressure to it during his escape. He was quickly losing any hope of controlling his dominant arm. With a growl, the henchman executed a quick sweep kick to incapacitate his opponent to buy himself time. Penny hit the ground with a thud as Talon scrambled away to increase the distance. Setting his arm hurt like hell, but he was so sore it wasn't all that prominent of a pain. By the time the boy finished fixing his arm, his nemesis was already back on her feet. The henchman was going to lose. "So," he suddenly piped up causing the blonde to pause her movement towards him, "I know our usual routine is the martial arts fight with the kicking and punching and whatnot, but what do you say we mix it up? How's a karaoke contest to determine the winner sound?"

Penny frowned and resumed approaching her still downed foe, "you're kidding, right?" The girl suddenly shifted to a run and launched a flying kick at the boy who quickly rolled out of the way. A flurry of attacks came at him and the injured teen could only dodge the hits. The HQ agent felt herself well up with pride at how thoroughly she was dominating the fight. It had to be because of the new training program she'd started since the rival who was normally at least one step ahead of her was suddenly struggling to match her pace. A sudden beep from her watch reminded the girl genius that her main priority was not the fight but to obtain the trea- beanie babies.

She feinted a roundhouse kick to increase their distance before leaping backwards to grab the crate with the blue tractor beam on her portable holocomputer. With a devious grin, Penny mimicked Talon's mock salute before escaping the wreckage and jumping into her one person submarine parked at the edge of the bubble. Common sense told her that he would chase after her, in which case she'd just have to out race him and she'd complete the mission. The blonde planned to hit him with a special water resistant ooze that'd block his field of vision so she purposefully lagged behind so he'd get close enough for her to hit him. Yet the henchman never bothered to come rushing out of the hole. Frowning curiously, the HQ agent stayed within sight range of the craft.

Talon sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck and laid back against the wooden floorboards. At least it was over with. Honestly, he couldn't move anymore. Exhaustion had taken its toll on his body and the teen was content to rest his broken body in the broken ship until he had enough energy to make the trip home. A loud sparking noise caught his attention and the evil genius wished he had enough spirit left to at least let out an annoyed groan. Residual bad luck was going to do him in.

Penny watched in surprise as one of Talon's hydrophobic devices seemed to short out and a huge mass of water suddenly came crashing down on the wreckage. The force was enough for the boat to be destroyed and the girl's field of view was temporarily obscured by debris and small air bubbles exploding from the source. She waited for her rival's form to rocket out on his signature jet boots. And waited. And waited. Eventually the bubbles cleared out of the way and the agent found herself staring in shock a the motionless body that was suspended in the water a couple feet off the bottom of the ocean. Was that-

She rocketed her minisub forward to get a closer look and, sure enough, it was a very pale looking Talon floating in the ocean. Adrenaline caused her to slam a fist down dangerously hard on the tractor beam of the sub to draw the teen into her small cargo bay. The blonde scrambled from her seat to the hatch to meet him once his body was pulled inside. Crouching next to his body in the very limited space, the girl genius panicked as she realized he was not breathing. She need to do emergency CPR and then immediately get him to the nearest HQ medical center.

Recalling health class from the HQ training institute, Penny placed the heels of her palms in the soft spot just below Talon's ribs. All her arms muscles tensed as she did thirty painfully hard chest compressions before shifting to hover over Talon's head. Tilting his head up slightly and pinching his nose, the agent pushed away any fluttery, teenage thoughts about lip contact and tightly sealed her mouth around his. Three long breaths later, the girl was back to bruising the crap out of his stomach. Just as she was about to return to his lips, a violent coughing caused her to pull back.

"Talon?" Penny tried to speak softly but her voice came out as urgent and demanding, "can you hear me?" Hacking loudly and rolling onto his side, the henchman could probably hear her. "I'm taking you to the nearest medical facilities. Hang on." She paused as she ducked through hatch to the control room. "Don't die." The blonde's command was absolute.

One moment the agent was hurtling through the sea at max speed and the next she was standing in front of the holoscreen displaying her nemesis' vitals. The urgency made the trip pass by with a blur and only now that she saw all the damage to his body was she snapping out of her stupor. Talon's body was in incredibly bad shape but this much damage couldn't have been caused by the one accident alone. Penny was furious and she didn't understand why. How had he gotten so hurt? Had he been fighting other people before his fight with her? Why was he fighting other people? He should only ever need to fight with her. She was the HQ agent that always interfered with his plans! She was his rival! He was stable enough to answer questions now and that was exactly what she would make him do.

"What the hell," the blonde practically shouted angrily as she barged into the sterilized chamber that one could consider his 'room', "were you doing to get this insanely injured?"

Talon winced at her tone. It was cute that she was worried about him but it seemed like she might just injure him more if he said the wrong thing. "Would you believe me if I said I was having a lazy day?"

The holoscreen that appeared once she made it to his bedside was an unfortunate victim as she punch through the fragile material that held it in place. As shards of glowing lights scattered to the floor, the HQ agent turned her glare to the patient. "What kind of lazy day causes enough stress to all your major joints that it looks like each one was dislocated fifty fucking times in one day?!"

Smiling tightly, the henchman weakly held up his arms in surrender. "My kind of lazy day?" His answer sounded more like a question than he would've liked- and apparently it sounded too much like a question to her as well.

"I swear, until you tell me how you got injured so badly I'll just add new injuries to you every day so you can't leave the hospital!" Her threat was entirely serious as she raised an angry fist next to her head.

"Yikes," Talon muttered as he scooted back slightly only to feel his body screech in protest. "Uh, can I tell you in a little bit- after you've calmed down?" Penny frowned but lowered her fist nonetheless as though to prove she was calm enough to hear his answer now. The boy genius wasn't so sure. "Anyway," he continued, chuckling loosely, "thanks for saving me. I really thought I'd bit the bullet this time around." Somehow this seemed to trigger a rush of emotions in Penny.

"How can you laugh at a time like this?" She asked in frustration as her fists balled at her sides. The blonde ducked her head down to hide the tears. "You almost died! You're heavily injured! You've been heavily injured since even before we fought on the ship and you said absolutely nothing about it the whole time!" The Hispanic teen really wanted to correct her since technically asking if they could've done a karaoke battle instead technically counted as saying something but he figured he'd live longer if he kept his mouth shut. "How can you not- not feel terrified?!" Penny was scared to death of him dying. It horrified her to think about how he could've just… vanished from her life. "You almost died, Talon!"

The evil genius was shocked by how much emotion his rival was feeling. She was literally shaking. For her to care about him so much, the least he could do was offer the truth in return. "Well," Talon paused so as to carefully choose his words, "I suppose I'm just used to being this close to death." The HQ agent's head snapped up to watch her nemesis as he seemed to ponder what he was about to say. "Claws," he liked his dry lips as his caramel eyes shifted to bore into her blue ones, "tend not to live long. It's not health, or rather it isn't always health. How do I put this…" The amber orbs dropped down to the ground to consider something for a second before returning to her gaze. "You know I'm a man of science at heart. If it can't be explained with the scientific method, I won't believe it. Be it god, karma, leprechauns, or otherwise. However I find myself frequently struggling with one exception to that rule as it is the only plausible way to comprehend my family's history."

"Please," Penny interrupted dryly, "be more vague."

Talon frowned and tried to cross his arms across his chest, tempted to forgo his story altogether. However the pained strain to get his arms into that position reminded him he owed her his life and the truth was what she demanded in return. "Luck," the boy said bluntly and watched as the girl raised her eyebrows skeptically, "my family has always seemed to be possessed by the most horrible of luck one can simply possess." The face Penny made was starting to piss him off. "No, I know it sounds ridiculous but I'm serious. Just think about everything you know about me and our encounters. Have, at any given time, I ever seemed lucky to you?"

Penny indulged him, thinking for a moment before realizing that he was, in fact, the unluckiest person she knew (assuming that the concept of luck was valid to begin with). "Admittedly no."

"Well," the evil genius continued, "my entire family is like that. Just consider my uncle and you'll understand. For whatever reason, as long as the Claw family has been around, we've been haunted by exceptionally bad luck. For whatever reason, the unluckiness," the boy paused to consider something, " if that isn't a word I'll hack webster and make it one, so don't say anything. The unluckiness seems to reach its peak during our birthdays and," somehow he almost felt embarrassed revealing this of all things to her, "yesterday was mine." The HQ agent remained silent so the henchman continued. "I spent the entire day locked in a room that I made so as to survive. Birthday preparations are kind of insane. During those twenty four hours joints would dislocate randomly, I'd choke on nothing, have the odd seizure, spontaneous combustions would occur around me- it's just barrels of fun." Thinking back to yesterday, the teen recalled his pondering over the 'relationship' between Penny and himself. She'd saved him, she'd (angrily) inquired as to why he was so injured, she'd cared so much about his health, and she even listened to his outlandish truth. "Making it out alive is usually a pretty big deal. I was supposed to get today to recuperate but my uncle decided he _needed_ to have those beanie babies. So I went on the mission." What did he mean to her and what did she mean to him?

Evidently they were both extremely attached to one another. Was it really just sympathy that bonded them though? Before Talon could search out the answer in her crystalline blue eyes any longer, Penny spun on her heels and exposed her back to him.

"I'm supposed to believe that?" Her voice was scornful but it was easy to tell her heart wasn't in it. "Just hurry up and get healed and leave. You're wasting HQ funds." The blonde marched out of the chamber and listened as the door slid shut behind her. As soon as she was out of his range out sight, she opened her holocomputer and scrolled through the calendar. "March 3rd, huh?" The agent muttered silently to herself as she began to walk down the hall, "I wonder what I can get him as a belated present."

Talon stared at the thick metal door that'd just closed him off from the closest thing he had to a friend. glancing down at his wrist controller that sat on the side table, the boy let a small grin on his face. Tapping a hidden button along the rim, the teen let out a sigh as a small screen flickered to life to show the view from a camera in the metal ball he'd dropped in the crate of treasure as the sphere oozed a corrosive acid that destroyed the rare merchandise. Childish it may be but he really couldn't let HQ get a boost in funding even as they treated him. That and he didn't like losing.


	10. Sapphire

So, I don't know if you guys regularly check this kind of thing but recently there was a guest reviewer claiming to by Lyon Smith, the voice actor of Talon. I dont know if it's just a troll or really was the voice actor but I was kind of excited about the thought. I will say that the voice acting is one of the few things done right by the 2015 Inspector Gadget and I really enjoyed Talon's portrayal. I'm writing this one both for my own amusement and as a shout out to Lyon Smith, who may or may not have read only the first chapter (in which I criticize the crap out of the show) and will likely never read this. A very, very miniscule amount of you are going to get the "jokes" that I make in this one so all you normals who don't give a damn about voice acting can go ahead and ignore this chapter.

* * *

Title: Sapphire

Word Count: 1031

Genre: Comedy? I don't know. Maybe this is could be considered funny. Slight romance.

Summary: He was tired of being a villain. Maybe he'd start a band instead.

Rating: K+ because I dunno it feels right

* * *

Penny frowned at the sight before her. Was this a dream? It had to be. A fever dream was the only way to explain the insanity she saw before her. All around her, four female acquaintances that she remembered from various points in her life were hopping around excitedly and flipping in the air while wearing the strangest outfits she'd seen since she'd watched the teletubbies when she was two. It looked faintly like a school girl's uniform in Japan but it was more sexualized and the blonde's feminist side was pissed off at the short skirts and thigh high boots that left little to the imagination.

The girl that'd worked the cash register at the supermarket Penny went to last week landed in front of the agent. Gently dusting off her orange variation of the outfit, the woman stood proudly as she spoke. "Sailor Penny!" The blonde tried to step backwards but found her foot was somehow hard to balance on. Glancing down, the girl noticed in horror that she was wearing a red variation of the sexist outfit.

"What am I wearing?!" The genius shouted as she tried to pull her puny skirt farther down her legs. "Why are we dressed like this?!"

"Uh, duh," the green variation which was the teen that babysat Penny when she was small came to a stop nearby, "because we're about to fight evil. These our are battle uniforms."

"Bu-wha-?" The agent struggled to find words, "that makes no sense! You can't move at all in these tight clothes and even if you tried you'd just end up flashing your underwear at anyone and everyone nearby!" Suddenly incredibly cheesy sound effects akin to thunder sounded from behind the girls.

"IN THE NAME OF THE MOON!" Shouted one particularly loud girl as she flipped over the group to face whatever enemy approached with the ominous thunder. All the girls but Penny jumped up and landed in some strange pose that reminded the blonde of power rangers. "Sailor Penny!" whined the loud girl in the center, "get in position! You have to pose!"

The HQ agent ignored the apparent leader and turned to regard the opponent. Her blue eyes widened in surprise when she saw Talon, only a little different. He'd dyed his hair blue and drawn an upside down black crescent moon on his forehead with magic marker. His clothes seemed to be loosely based on traditional chinese garments.

"Ta-" The girl genius was interrupted by a shout from the group beside her.

"PRINCE SAPPHIRE!" Just as Penny was about to correct the clothing coordinating clique, her nemesis spoke up.

"Yes, it is I, Prince Sapphire." His voice was a bit more regal than normal. "I've come to destroy Earth in the name of the negamo-" Whatever the henchman was saying was beyond the point as the blonde feared he'd gone insane. Closing the distance between them quickly, the agent quickly punched him in the face hoping that a show of force would bring him back to his senses. The evil genius was silent for a moment before turning to look Penny in the eyes. "You've made an excellent point. I'm quitting being evil."

The blonde's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she watched him hum in some kind of understanding. "Wha- you're… you're quitting MAD?"

Nodding sagely in a way that made the girl think he didn't understand what it was she was asking in the first place, Talon smiled proudly. "I'm going to start a band."

"What? How- What are you- Why?" Apparently her punching him didn't solve whatever problem had been brewing in his mind. Rather than answer her, the boy whipped out an orange beanie from nowhere and messily secured it over his blue hair.

"I'm thinking I'll sing and play guitar. I'll be the best frontman I can be. The only thing I'm worried about is the lyrics… do you know of any diaries I can steal lyrics from?" Penny was only becoming more and more confused as he seemed to consider something else. "I've got it!" The teen genius announced suddenly as he hit his palm with his fist. "We'll be called Rob and the Hearthrobs!"

Somehow that triggered the girl into responding. "But your name isn't Rob!"

"I know," the ex-villain said as he glanced at her dumbly, "its Sapphire."

"No it isn't!" The blonde didn't know why she was getting so emotional. She was somehow caught up in the flow of her strange surroundings.

"Yes it-" A sudden energy bolt flew out of nowhere and struck Talon. As he collapsed and his life slipped away, the girl genius found words she didn't even mean to say come pouring out of her mouth.

"You're the second freaking person to turn good and then die in the same episode!"

* * *

"You're the second freaking person to turn good and then die in the same episode!" She shouted as she violently sat up from her bed. Penny took a deep breath as she observed the dark bedroom around her. It was just an incredibly strange dream. A low groan from beside her caught her attention as she glanced down at her bedmate.

"What- I don't-" his low voice was muffled by the thick comforter pulled over his head. "Same episode?"

The young woman let out a sigh as she glared down at the mass of blankets that concealed her companion. "Talon." Her voice was deadly serious. "Never cook for me again."

His dark hair popped up from underneath the covers as his bedroom eyes shot her a curious glance, "Well sorry," he said while yawning, "I jus' figured since it was a special occasion-"

"No." The blonde repeated sternly. "Never again."

"I understand," he muttered as he slipped back under the comforter. "Next time I propose to you I'll make sure to order chinese takeout instead."

Penny let herself smile in the darkness as her fiance slipped back into slumber land. A quick glance at the sapphire engagement ring that freshly resided on her finger caused the smile to grow into a full blown grin. The only real downside to the current situation was that apparently neither of them could cook.


	11. Sleepover

I did it! I watched the second season and guys. Guys. GUYS. There's one episode that is almost entirely shipping. We heart Gadget. Go, my pretties! Go and watch and squeal as our dreams are realized! I love some of the stuff that happens in the second season but overall it still isn't a good quality cartoon. I feel like it might have gotten a little better (or I've just acclimated to it). In the very least we didn't have sudden onset claustrophobia that only lasted for an episode or that weird thing with Talon's laugh like last time around. So that's nice.

I don't think a lot of people understood what happened in the last chapter and initially I was okay with that but now I have an obsessive need to explain it to you guys. So the joke I was making was about Lyon Smith's, that's the voice of Talon in the English version, career. He also voice acted characters like Prince Sapphire from Sailor Moon (who is the second character to turn good and die in the same episode in that series), Corey from Grojband (who is the lead singer and guitar player that has trouble writing lyrics so he pushes his older sister to emotional break down levels so she'll write in her diary and then he steals those words and uses them as lyrics), and Rob Hearthrob in the Totally Spies Movie (I'm going to be honest, I only chose this one because the name cracked me up). So… there you go. With that context the previous one-shot will have an entirely different meaning.

One last thing then I'll do the replies and then you'll be at the actual fanfic! So, I noticed that this fanfic gets a huge amount of German views. Last month Germany even surpassed the United States in the view count and that's never happened on one of my fanfics before (presumably because I'm American). Since I've got your attention, there is something I'd like to say. Germany, or German citizens, (I'm not sure how to address you) what you're doing right now in lieu of the refugee crisis in Europe is amazing. Seriously, you've opened your hearts and your walls in a way that makes me ashamed of my country (admittedly I'm almost constantly ashamed of the United States -how the hell is Donald Trump a frontrunner for president?!- but the point stands). I want to say thank you because you are helping so many people. Way to go, Germany! You guys are awesome!

Anonymous (Guest): I don't mind you using the "Dear _," method at all. It's kind of refreshing to see something so formally written. I'm touched how much my words affected you. I'm- I just- I'm at a loss for words as to how to respond. Being told how much I was able to help you is astounding. I mean, it's amazing to think about just- Guh. Words are hard! If I'd never skipped school one day because I wasn't feeling well and watched the entirety of Inspector Gadget (initially out of boredom but later out of an obsessive need to ship) I'd never have written this. I'd never have gotten to meet you (I mean, as well as you can meet a person you only talk to through reviews and authors notes of a fanfiction) and I wouldn't have been able to share my story with you. Just- It's amazing! I am so glad I was able to help and it is so important that you never give up hope. Sometimes hope is all you have but it can do so much if you hold onto it. Also, when you said "you inspire me" I- I just about died. I have such a huge ego, I'm borderline narcissistic, so compliments are severely gratifying. More than anything being told that you've inspired someone is the best, most impactful compliment a person can get. It means you've gone beyond your own paradigm and helped someone else and just- I'm having a really hard time finishing sentences right now. Thank you so much for your words. If you ever make an account we can PM and not talk in front of a couple hundred other people. I don't know the specifics of your situation so I don't know if your activity is being monitored and that is why you must stay anonymous so if there's a reason why you can't make an account there's no need to put yourself in a difficult position. I'd give you my email but I'd rather not put my email on the internet in such an easy to see place. Obvious reasons.

DarkShadow2 (Guest): Your (first) review struck a nerve with me. I've got a really short temper and a shit ton of pride (not a great combination). What I'm about to say isn't meant to be insulting towards you in any way, I'm just angry and a little volatile. Why the fuck would I get on my knees and beg you to like a cartoon? I don't give a damn about your interests because interests aren't the point. Quality and "own pleasures," as you call them, don't have to align. I like Inspector Gadget even though it is a shitty quality cartoon, otherwise I wouldn't have invested so much time writing fanfiction about it. Similarly you don't have to like Steven Universe even though it's one of the highest quality cartoons of the past decade. I'm not going to waste my time trying to change your opinion on SU because I don't care. I respect that you don't like it; that's a personal thing. In the same way, I'd prefer if you didn't try to provoke me with all that shit about begging on my knees. My observations in the introduction were on quality, not personal interests, something I thought was clear. Whether you like IG or not you have to admit the cartoon is shoddily made. I will goddamn delay the next update and waste my time amending the introduction if it's really that hard to comprehend.

Blue Angel (guest): Can do! It'll take me a while to figure out a good premise but I can churn one out. Actually, I think there are a couple of ideas given to me by pineapplefish that could fit the bill so I'll go through those again and start working on your request!

* * *

Title: Sleepover

Word Count: 3,302

Genre: Comedy(ish) / Hurt/comfort(ish) / I honestly don't know

Summary: For all my favoritism, a certain character isn't actually in this one. This is a little more psychological (which sounds stupid considering how much I throw psych in regularly). It is nowhere near blatant romance and life sucks. Get over it. Also, a character from the second season is in this so… minor SPOILERS if you haven't watched the second season yet. I really like this character.

Rating: T (because I go a little curse word crazy in here but it was hella fun).

* * *

Penny smiled happily as she heard the loud beeps of the microwave. Practically skipping over to the device, the blonde hummed a light-hearted tune as she gingerly pulled the freshly made popcorn out and poured it into a bowl. She wanted everything to be perfect. It'd taken almost month of planning to coordinate their way different schedules for a night when they were both free. The HQ agent figured that that was just the price they'd have to pay for wanting to spend time together despite coming from different worlds and she didn't mind it all that much. Having placed the steaming bowl on her coffee table in the kitchen, Penny nearly squealed in delight when the doorbell rang.

The girl grinned wide as she swung the front door open excitedly. Beyond the door was her guest; that signature evil smirk, the fondness of the color purple, the crooked laugh just waiting to burst forth, the mischievous eyes with a knowing glint- yes, it was, without a doubt, Penny's friend Mal.

"Hi!" The blonde chirped as she stepped out of the way for the Evil U student to enter. "I just finished making some popcorn. I was thinking we'd end up watching some horror movies so I rented a few- they're next to the popcorn on the coffee table."

Smiling, the pinkette made her way to the living room. "Thanks, P!" After shoving a fist full of the salty snack into her mouth, the evil teen felt the need to clarify, "for inviting me to your sleepover. I've never been to a normal one before."

"Normal one?" the agent asked while tilting her head curiously.

"Ah," the villainess in training said while settling on the couch, "Growing up evil, I was invited to lots of evil slumber parties; we'd do petty crime, shoplift, vandalize some things, harass other slumber parties, egg some houses- you know?"

"Not really," Penny replied with a smile while sitting next to her friend, "but it certainly sounds, uh, interesting." Mal laughed loudly at the blonde.

"You're hilarious," she managed to say after catching her breath, "you're a i/ real goody two-shoes; I don't think there is anybody else as i/ good as you." The way she said it might not have sounded nice but Penny knew it was meant to be a compliment.

"Well, it is only fitting that a real goody two shoes have a real evil… uh, one boot for a friend." This only got more laughter from the pinkette,

"Thanks Pen," the student said after calming down, "you're sweet." She paused as though considering holding something back before continuing. "Although I've gotta say, if evil one boot is the best you've got, I don't think you'd get a passing grade in Witty Banter 201." Penny wanted to retort- to say that her verbal sparring matches with her rival were perfectly passable, at least a B-. But she couldn't because that would mean revealing just how close she was to Talon, Malicious's crush. If the blonde could help it, she'd never want to broach the subject with her new friend. It would mean confronting emotions that the goody two shoes couldn't face.

"How about we put on one of those movies?" the agent offered.

"Sure!" After choosing a horror movie and dimming the lights, the girls commenced with typical teenage sleepover activities. First was the movie they watched, Until Dawn, about eight teens struggling to survive on a mountain till the sun rose, which hd Penny occasionally shrieking in fear and cowering behind a pillow while Malicious would boisterously laugh at the more gruesome scenes. This was followed by teasing from the pinkette about her friend being scared which ultimately sparked a violent and rather highly skilled pillow fight.

As the two teens lay collapsed trying to catch their breath after their epic battle, the pinkette seemed to contemplate something. "Hey, P," her sinister voice carried an undertone of vulnerability the HQ agent had never heard from her before, "at normal sleepovers… there's, like, girl talk, right?" All at once a dam seemed to break as words nervously spewed forth. "Like, a specially designated time to talk about mushy feeling and gunk where your words can never EVER be repeated because it's secret and no one can tell the secrets because everyone shares secrets and we've all got threats on one another and so no one will snitch and so no one ever has to know how weak you actually a- I mean, feel. Like, group therapy with a confidentiality clause the likes of which promise eternal shame and banishment from the trust circle that is a girl's friendship forever more?"

"Uhm," Penny tried to hide a giggle at her friend's frantic rant, "yeah, more or less."

"Alright," Mal flipped onto her arms and knees as she stared down the HQ agent. "How do we prepare for this ritual? How many candles are we going to have to light and in what orientation should they be put around the room? What kind of live sacrifices do we need for this?" The blonde stared wide-eyed at her companion. The Evil U student burst out laughing. "Nah, P, I'm just joking." The goody two shoes chuckled weakly as her friend continued her boisterous laughter. "Seriously though," Malicious said after abruptly stopped laughing, "how do we do this?"

"Usually you've got a decently emotional romance movie either directly before or playing softly during, a comfy set of pajamas that accurately describe your personality either thought the pattern of the fabric or the amount of skin showing or the general design, tubs of ice cream are a frequent element, a pile of pillows and plush throw blankets for squealing into, and a phone of some kind should be kept nearby in case of a sudden update on the situation and for providing evidence."

Nodding seriously, the pinkette stood up. "Let's do this."

One series of events akin to a cheaply made movie montage later, the girls were sitting in their nest of fluff and comfort. Penny was laying on her stomach while wearing long pajama pants with various mathematical equations written on them and an oversized souvenir t-shirt from when she volunteered to build houses for the homeless. A large, round pillow shaped like a corgi was wedged under her chin to prop her up. She had multiple throws layered atop herself, most of them featuring characters from her favorite comics. Mal was lounging on her side with a skull shaped pillow shoved under her head. She wore a black camisole with bright purple and pink striped short shorts. Her magenta hair was down and hung around her face in a bob. The villainess only had one throw lazily bunched up over her lower back that was dark purple in color.

"Gawd, P," the student said with a laugh, "you're such a nerd! Why do you have so much comic stuff? That is soo laaame!" The kind girl bit the inside of her cheek to stop herself from frowning. Even though she was, indeed, a nerd, it wasn't the comics that made her that. Nerdy is freaking out over science and math (which she did); her obsession with graphic novels makes her a geek- something incredibly different. Besides, her heroes and antiheroes were totally cool! It doesn't get any cooler than OnePunch-Man! This wasn't just Penny's opinion; Talon would totally vouch for her as a fellow OnePunch-Fan. But the agent couldn't say any of this, especially not the part about Talon. "But, hey," Malicious said, drawing her friend from her thoughts, "that's part of why I like you so much!" The most heartfelt smile the aspiring criminal could muster was offered to the blonde and she gladly returned the favor with a genuine one. "A-anyways," the Evil U student seemed to lose some of her nerve, "how… how do we start this thing?"

"Well," the girl genius said, beginning to feel a pinch embarrassed as well, "we just kind of start talking and, I guess, emotions gain momentum until we're either sobbing and stuffing our faces with ice cream or angrily declaring something to the world and stuffing our faces with ice cream."

"O-okay," the pinkette looked down at the ground before glaring up at her friend, "you go first."

"Uh, wha-?"

"You say a secret first so I know I've got leverage when I tell you mine!" Mal insisted. It was kind of cute how nervous she was about her vulnerability but it wasn't cute enough to push Penny over the edge into just obeying.

"I- I don't know what to say," the blonde tried to think of something -anything- well, anything other than Talon. "I- I can't think of any good secrets or things to vent about."

"UGH! Mal shoved her face into her skull pillow before glaring at her friend. "P, Stop acting like you've got all your shit together!" The agent blinked in shock. " I get it, you're the perfect little goody two shoes that helps her uncle save the world and never takes the credit. BLEUGH! Girl, no one is that goddamn well adjusted. You're a human being! You're a fucking teenage girl! No fucking way do you not have some crazy emotional shit brewing in that too smart brain of yours! The only people you've got to talk to you are a middle-aged perpetually confused man and a dog. So vent! C'mon! Live! Let your hair down! Pull the stick out of your ass or whatever! Just live for yourself for once and talk to me!" Penny had to smile at her friend's little outburst.

"Okay," to fulfill this request there was only one topic that would satisfy the villainess in training but the blonde would need to omit certain details otherwise the night could end in disaster, "Ok. I'll let loose but- just- let me keep a few parts to myself." Mal's glare was back. "Hey! This is a process! I can't just flip a switch!" The villainess in training pouted but accepted the condition. "So... I, um, I'm really struggling with understanding how I feel about a guy- you've never met him 'cause he's an HQ agent in training like 're rivals- always competing, trying to one-up one another, outdo one another because that's our personalities- it's how we function. He's an obnoxious show boater but, and sometimes I hate to admit this, he is really good at what he does -to be frank, he's a genius. I don't know much about his home life but I know he's a little rough around the edges because of it. And, when we aren't at one another's throats, I kind of almost enjoy spending time with him. I mean, he still acts like an a-" the goody two-shoes swallowed as she gathered her courage to curse, " and ass and he frustrates me to no end but- sometimes I-"

"You like him!" Malicious declared happily while squeezing the pillow tightly to her chest. "Oh Em Gee! That's so cute! You know what," Penny's face just kept getting redder and redder, "you should go for it! Catch him off guard and claim what's yours!"

"I- I can't just-" the blonde struggled to find words, "It's not that simple! He and I- we couldn't be together… we can never be together! It isn't possible!" Somehow, admitting that hurt.

"P," the pinkette frowned, "you'd better not be saying that just because you're too afraid to try. It's not like you're Romeo and Juliet or something."

"Well," the HQ agent looked down at the ground.

"Holy shit!" The Evil U student gasped. "No way! You're legit Romeo and Juliet?"

"Um," Penny glanced back at her friend, "well, our families kind of can't stand one another."

Laughing, the villainess grinned widely. "Whatever! I say go for it! We're not living in Shakespeare time anymore and I know you're way smarter than the first two star-crossed idiots so it's not like that's a problem! It's the twenty first century!"

"There's more," the modern Juliet said frantically, not wanting to be pushed into anything. "I- I have a friend who is really- just incredibly- into him. She's a great friend and I care about her so much. I just- I don't want to jeopardize our friendship over some tiny crush I have that is probably only hormones anyway."

"Penny," the blonde looked at her friend curiously, "I am five goddamn seconds away from bitch slapping the shit out of you."

"Wha-?"

"Gawd, P!" Mal yelled in frustration as she sat up, "I hate this part of you! Stop it!"

"I- I don't-"

"Stop sacrificing your own goddamn happiness!" Penny recoiled slightly at the volume in her friend's voice. "Stop trying to be the perfect nice person you are! live, you idiot! Who gives a damn if your friend likes the same guy?! You can't go through life without hurting others, P!" The pinkette stared down her companion, "be selfish. Be selfish for once in your life! Love-" her voice softened, "Love isn't easy. Fairy tales are fucking lies because shit is never that easy. But love is worth it and you owe it to yourself to chase that shit down."

"I- I guess," the HQ agent started, "but-"

"Shut it. Penny, if you really think a guys could come between you and your friend then you must not think much of that friendship." Mal sounded truly upset at the notion. "If this girl really is your friend then she'll fight with you for this guy; she won't stop chasing him just because you are too, but she won't abandon your friendship with her."

"You-" the girl genius was getting caught up in the heat of the moment. "You say that but- but what if it was you?! What if I tried to get in the way of your love life?!"

The villainess in training grinned, "I would fight you tooth and nail for him. I would tactically dismember you as I freaking dive bombed my way into his heart and I'd expect you to fight me back just as much because, in the end, no matter who gets the guy, you're one of my best friends. Besides, I don't think your type is bad boys- you seem smarter than that." Huffing, the pinkette continued. "Life is hard. Tough shit. Suck it up and power through because I'll be there for you no matter what since I know your candy ass'll be there for me."

Tears were brimming in the corners of the blonde's blue eyes. "O-okay." She sucked in a shaky little gasp of air before continuing. "I promise to be a little more selfish."

"_A little_?"

"Baby steps." Penny said while wiping at her eyes.

"Well," Mal bit her lip, "I guess it's my turn now, huh?" She blushed as she nervously kneaded her pillow. "As you know, I've got- I've got a crush on Talon Claw. And I'm me- I don't halfass shit. I'm a full frontal assault type. I go in for the kill with no hesitation, you know? So, of course, I've started stalking him and looking into his past. I expected reasonable tragedy- no one is bad without a sad backstory- but- God, P. I'm supposed to be evil. I'm supposed to be heartless. I can't feel... pity… sympathy… I can't feel for others. What kind of dysfunctional villain would care about something so- just- UGH! It makes me want to be merciful, Penny." This was obviously a personal problem but the blonde couldn't stop her curiosity at her rival's past. The only thing she could do was keep her mouth shut to keep herself from blurting out something too invasive and insensitive. "He's- he's never stopped losing things. He's never gotten to keep anything!" In emotional overload mode, the pinkette shoved her face back into her skull pillow, "His parents, his home, his sister, his family's name-! Any form of love… What kind of life, P, what kind of life can a person have without some kind of love?!" Punching the pillow in frustration, the girl let out a strangled yell. "He was born to Madeline Claw and Juan Gomez. They weren't in a relationship. It'd been a one night stand that lead to the pregnancy. Madeline and Juan were fighting for custody since they had no intention to live together. Because of that he spent large portions of his early childhood in courtrooms and lawyers offices, being ignored as adults talked. Ultimately, his mother got majority custody. He spent most of his time living with her and his father would get him two weekends a month. However Madeline often refused to meet up with Juan to hand over the child making it so he never got to see his child. When he turned three, his mother had a new boyfriend, a Cambodian man named Vaan. They had a child together, a little girl named Davi. Davi was incredibly attached to Talon apparently. She followed him everywhere and his name was her first word. His parents heavily favored Davi over Talon and were skeptical when told he was a child genius by the school counselor. They refused to let him enter a special accelerated program because they thought it was just another way of saying a class for the mentally handicapped. After that they treated him as though he had a mental disorder and he was taken to all these psychiatrists offices and there are just so many receipts from pharmacies for drugs like ritalin and other stuff to control behavior. When Davi tried to sneak some of her brother's pills to be just like him his parents got scared and separated them. They frequently sent him outside to wander around so he'd be away from Davi. When he was five, his father had enough and demanded that the they meet in court since she refused to let him see his son. Talon was left locked outside of the house and Davi inside. That day-" Mal sucked in a frustrated breath. "The court house was bombed as a result of domestic terrorism and Madeline, Juan, and Vaan died.

"A mistake in the register marked their house as abandoned and child services didn't show up for the children. Since all their documents were taken to the courthouse those, I assume, were burned in the explosion. This left the two as undocumented children. When Talon broke a window trying to rescue Davi, the police were called and the two were taken into custody and assumed to have been separately abandoned by their parents. The conclusion in the documents was that Talon's parents and Davi's parents were illegal immigrants who were deported. There are notes that the boy claimed to be the brother of the Asian girl but no one believed him since the two looked nothing alike. They were sent to the same orphanage with no belongings and put up for adoption separately. Even though they both persisted in their claims, the two were eventually split up as a couple in Holland adopted the girl. Talon was alone in the world at only six years old!" The villainess wailed as she drew her knees to her chest. Penny was rapt with attention. Her mind swirled with the new understanding of the boy's past. "A year or so later, Dr. Claw discovered the fate of his sister and found his nephew. He took him in and, after that, it's too hard to track down the rest." There were tears in the pinkette's eyes. "I'm… I'm terrified that- that by being evil… by bringing chaos upon the world, I'm going to create more heartbreaking childhoods like Talon's." At that the villainess began to cry. The blonde, not knowing what else to do, began to cry with her.


	12. Spaghetti

I'm in college. Wooo. We'll see what this does to my production output. Interestingly enough I now have more free time than I did in highschool so I might actually get faster. Anyways, all the comments I reply to below are guests. People with actual accounts get replies to me via the PM system if I felt it necessary to reply. If you really want a PM reply from me you can just pester me in the reviews or shoot me a PM (or twelve). I have the settings so anyone can do that. If anyone wants my help with this fanfiction stuff (namely grammar or ideas) feel free to PM for that too. I have a really long list of ideas and if other people want to help churn these brain children into full blown stories I think that'd be really cool! I want to read the fanfiction you guys think of as well.

So... this one is a Western. The extent of research I did was listening to the soundtracks of spaghetti westerns and my experience growing up in one of the southernmost states in the United states. Very much a spaghetti western state that is obsessed with its past filled with cowboys, cattle ranges, and dusty plains. So don't count for accuracy on this one guys. Also I used Spanish and Spanglish in this one because I'm pretty good with the language. I didn't provide translations so if you really want to know just use an online translator and it'll come back garbled but still intelligible.

Skierswimmer: I did notice that and it definitely made me happy! I'm always open to suggestions. The list has gotten pretty long now (it's nearing 20 pages of requests and ideas) but I can definitely add it to that!

Ln: I can do that! I actually have one in the works right now (because at any given time I am writing five of these simultaneously) that does fit that criteria so that could be happening soon. Actually that one is part of a series that I'm thinking of just scattering randomly through the one-shots. So it may have multiple parts to it.

Anonymous: You really don't need to apologize for anything. What you're doing and the feelings you're experiencing are entirely human. Apologizing for that is like apologizing for breathing. You should never have to do that. While I am an existentialist, which means I consider suicide to be a viable option, I'd really prefer if you didn't take that path. What can I say, I consider you to be a friend- the internet-type of friend where you know almost nothing about the person and vice versa but you still genuinely like them as a person- and I rather not a friend take such drastic measures. It's normal to feel lonely. Hell, I was constantly surrounded by people and I still felt lonely. Humans are social creatures and we instinctively crave that connection you can have with other people. The more people we have backing us up the more complete we feel, the more we can trust in our abilities and our perception of ourselves. The more people we have the more we like ourselves. I'm glad you aren't feeling as lonely anymore (although I can't help but assume that my month of silence didn't really help on that front, sorry). As for the brief snippet of your life, it's pretty amazing (although I suppose that's the wrong word for this context, let's see if I can explain myself properly). A person's character is shaped very heavily by their home environment growing up; that is why we have the stereotypes of snobbish rich kids and sports families. The challenges that you face determine your strengths and weaknesses. Being able to survive what you're going through is going to make you into an amazing person (that is if you aren't already). One of my favorite philosophers, Friedrich Nietzsche, has this quote "To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering." So, and maybe this is selfish of me by trying to impose this on you, I want you to survive. I want you to survive and become an amazing person because of what you're going through and find people who care about you that you don't have to be anonymous to. Obviously I can't promise you that is what will happen but it certainly can happen.

To the crowd who spoke about how sad the last chapter was: I hadn't realized that it would affect you all so heavily. I'm glad I was able to elicit such an emotional response but I can't tell if you guys liked how sad that one was or if it made you uncomfortable. As things currently stand I'm probably still going to make more sad one-shots in addition to the happier ones so if you'd like to avoid those in the future make sure to check the information I put between these replies and the actual story. Under genre you should find some kind of heads up on whether or not I'm aiming to make you bawl.

* * *

Title: Spaghetti

Word Count: 5486

Genre: Western

Summary: I had to do it. I couldn't be writing a series of one shots about a couple of antagonizing teens without an obligatory and unoriginal Spaghetti Western. At least I didn't name it some awful variation of the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Although, for the record, if I did it would be the HQ, the MAD, and the Shipping.

Rating: T (violence)

* * *

Penelope Brown watched her reflection in the mirror of her her wooden vanity as she pulled the horsehair brush through her blonde hair. She wanted to be perfectly presentable today since her uncle was out of town and she was taking over his duties till his return. Smiling confidently at her mirror image, the young woman set the brush down gently next to her revolver. thin fingers separated the golden locks into these chunks so she could make a tight braid to keep her hair out of her way while she was working. Penelope picked up the brown vest draped over the back of her chair. Securing the garment over her white cotton blouse, the blonde returned to her gun. Retrieving it lithely with a twirl of it around her fingers, the young woman let gravity guide her firearm into the holster on her hip. She took one last glance at her reflection in the mirror, noting the perfectly polished star-shaped badge pinned to the brown leather of her vest.

"Look out, criminals," the blonde whispered with a grin, "Sheriff Brown is 'n town!" Giggling, Penelope left her room and headed out to make her rounds.

The small Southern town was, per usual, in the middle of extreme drought. Hot winds blew sand around angrily, making sure to deposit the eternal annoyances in every nook and cranny. A sweltering sun bore down on everything it could reach, eliciting a burning sensation on any skin facing it. Not even clothing could protect from the heat's wrath. Were anyone unfortunate enough to be new to the area, they would be unable to withstand the sweltering oven-like conditions courtesy of the sun. Penny, however, had lived in the South her entire life. Striding confidently through the sediment dusted town, the blonde gently tipped her head in greeting to her fellow residents. One woman standing on the front porch of the general store waved her down.

"Penelope, Darlin'!" A thick Southern accent clung to her words as though they were dipped in honey. "Yer uncle ain't 'n town today, huh?"

The temporary sheriff smiled as she responded. "No ma'am. He's 'n the next town over, conductin' some business with the lawmen there."

"I see, well," the woman nodded in understanding, "I'll be countin' on ya then ta keep us safe, hun!"

"I'll do my best, ma'am!" The law-woman let her hand drift towards her weapon as she made that promise. As the shopkeep turned to return to her store, Penny continued down the main road. She was going to do her absolute best- yes- but a part of her feared that wouldn't be enough in the end. The blonde could handle a ragtag team of run of the mill varmints starting up trouble around the local farm houses with ease; she could wrangle a wild horse on the loose in town, divert a stampede of cattle from barging through and battering their settlement, organize a party to ensure everyone was safely indoors in the event of a dust storm, and diffuse a Mexican stand off with a minimal amount of enemy casualties and absolutely no bystander or civilian injuries or deaths. Despite all that, even she wouldn't be enough to stop a raid. So she prayed that her best would be enough to protect the town that she loved and was willing to risk her life to protect.

Her first official task that day ended up being scraping a rather drunken stranger from another town off the chipped paint covered wooden deck of the local bank. He seemed to have drank too much the previous night and had yet to recover from the drug's dizzying influence. Sloppy words tumbled from his mouth as he let limbs flop loosely and rolled around on the ground. The blonde didn't bother trying to understand his inebriated speech and instead caught an arm as he flailed it about in the air. With a quick yank, she had him stumbling to his feet, uneven and swaying. Left alone the man could get in all kinds of trouble so, out of the kindness of her heart, Penny decided to let him wait out his alcohol-induced stupor in a jail cell where he could stay relatively safe.

Having deposited the drunkard in a cell, the interim sheriff returned to her rounds. A couple new horses were tied up in front of the saloon which meant visitors. Penelope would have to keep an eye on the area to make sure the strangers didn't cause any trouble. There didn't seem to be much ruckus so the law-woman felt comfortable enough to begin her patrol of the perimeter around the ranch at the edge of town.

Later when the sun was only a little past it's highest point in the sky and the blonde had once again returned to the main road of her little settlement, she could hear a lot of noise coming from the center of town. Reaching her hand down to run her pointer and middle finger along the handle of her pistol, the blonde dredged up enough courage to put on a false front of confidence. She took long, even strides towards the shouts, now seeming to originate from the saloon. Once within sight of the building, the blonde was hard pressed to hide her surprise.

In front of the saloon stood two men. One she knew to be the town's resident asshole that regularly harassed the owner of the saloon, a half-Irish, half-German man who'd settled here recently by the name of Von Slickstein, pick-pocketed from travelling vendors, picked fights with whomever he could, and shot haphazardly at those who pissed him off- fortunately he was a rather good shot, so he never accidentally hit an unintended target. Incidentally the man was on his knees, gun far beyond his reach but still close enough to wordlessly mock his weakness once unarmed, and had the barrel of the pistol in the other man's hand inches from his temple, ready to splatter whatever it was that was inside of his skull instead of a brain all over the dusty ground.

The other man was young, close to Penny's age, and he was unlike anyone she'd ever seen before. Most people she knew burned- turned from pale peach to pink to red after extended time in the sun, herself included. Some would roast and become a yellowish brown, almost like honey. This stranger had skin the color of the brass handles on her dresser. It was evenly toned, smooth and consistent in contrast to the splotchy faces she'd seen her whole life and known herself to have. Big red spots on the cheeks, nose, and ears that looked almost like someone had thrown an overripe tomato on all their faces were standard in the town. His clothes, too, seemed unusual. He wore what looked like a blanket draped over his chest and back with a hole cut in the middle for his head to pop through. The hat on his head looked like a deformed version of the ten gallons she was familiar with, with a rounded top and a larger, rounder brim. Beneath the edges of his blanket-jacket, Penelope could see the shape of a gun holster. He had another pistol for his other hand.

Whipping her gun from her hip in an instant and aiming straight at his head, the woman began to take control of the situation. "Hey," she shouted as she approached with her weapon in front, "hands 'n the air!" His eyes flickered over her and Penny fought hard not to get drawn in by the dark pools boring into her own. She'd seen blue eyes, green eyes, brown eyes, yellowish eyes, and even grey eyes but she'd never seen eyes so dark. Despite appearing as impenetrable as the night, the blonde could see a spark of defiance in those eyes. This stranger was contemplating killing the man on his knees and following up by shooting her. He was considering the consequences, taking on anyone and everyone in town with a gun all at once- he could do it. He could survive it. But to get to that point he'd have to shoot her and to shoot her he'd need to not get shot by her first. Looking closely at the interim sheriff would reveal this to be nearly impossible. Penelope was an impeccable shot with reflexes that rivaled her uncle's. She knew she could kill him first and that was obvious in her gaze. "I said, hands 'n the air!" There was a flash of danger in his eyes. He might just get a fatal shot in her before he was done in by her own handiwork. The blonde's pointer finger tightened on the trigger- not enough pressure to trigger the small explosion that would occur in the metal contraption but enough of a warning to the stranger.

His dangerous expression suddenly shifted into one of relaxed ease, calmly raising his hands to be level with his own head. The pistol in his hand pointed towards the sky. This pose revealed more of what was underneath his blanket/dual-sided cape. His shirt was a bright purple with long sleeves. Some kind of embroidery or other attachment decorated the hem at his wrists. Penny told herself she could examine more closely later as she focused on the confident smirk on the stranger's face.

"Holster yer gun." She said clearly, still prepared to shoot at any moment. With a roll of his dark eyes, the man slowly moved the one arm down to his hip to let his weapon drop into its leather home. The limb then returned to the air alongside its brother. "Don' go thinkin' of startin' any trouble 'n this here town. 'S my jurisdiction," the blonde paused before addressing him, "stranger."

His voice was deep and lacked the gruff grumbling nature she was used to acquainting with most male voices. "I would'n dream of it, ma'am." The way he spoke was odd. It was English but he was pronouncing the words wrong- not like some yankee from up North but even more strangely. It made her own language almost seem foreign to her.

Tossing her head to the side to motion towards the path that'd take one to the sheriff's office, the law-woman spoke quickly. "I'm takin' you in. Can' have outsider pointin' their guns at my townsfolk." She watched as his mouth seemed to screw up in an annoyed frown. Somehow it seemed off- like he wasn't actually upset- but she couldn't identify what exactly it was that made her feel that way. Nothing looked out of place. Maybe she was still disoriented by the novelty of this man. "It'll just be fer a day or two. A warnin', ya could say, about startin' trouble 'n my town." With measured steps, Penelope walked around the stranger in a wide arc. Once she was at his back, she walked forward until she was only a foot behind him. Using her surprising speed, the blonde snatched the dual pistols from his belt and dropped them in the pouch attached in the back to her own leather belt.

As she began walking her captive away, the local asshole spoke up, still on his knees on the ground. "Hah! Serves ya right, ya 'spic!" The foreign man growled lowly but did nothing else.

The interim sheriff, however, shot right back at the weak man. "Oh, shut yer trap, Dick."

"Dickey!" He spat back, "my name's Dickey." Penny did not hear him. She was too focused on the low string of chuckles coming from her prisoner.

The sheriff's station sat high upon a hill- or rather what the people from the South considered a hill, anywhere else the slight rise in elevation wouldn't even pass for a knoll- that looked over the small town and allowed one to see if anyone was headed for them. It was isolated on it's slightly elevated plain but sometimes Penny was glad for that. It ensured peace and quiet. There were two rooms in the small building. A front room that had the wooden desk and some gear belonging to her uncle and a doorway that lead to the backroom. In there were three cells along the back wall with rusted iron bars and hinges that squealed so shrilly when used that only the most hardened of women and men wouldn't cringe. The drunkard had already been deposited in the cell to the far left so Penelope put the foreign man in the cell in the center- it was not because that would give her the best view of him from her uncle's desk. Certainly not.

He'd settled comfortably on the wooden plank bolted to the adobe wall. His hat was on the ground, revealing dark, thick locks of hair that curved in wide arcs like oversized curls. Lounging across the stiff, rough material that now suspended him above the ground, the stranger let his eyes flutter shut as though to take a light-hearted nap, which was impossible as the drunkard was now attempting to create a new art form that combined singing, wailing, and howling all at the top of his voice. Penny debated on whether to call it mere cacophony or actual auditory torture. Time passed slowly with the deliberate massacring of the blonde's eardrums. The outsider showed no signs of being at all perturbed by the noise from right beside his cell. Penelope didn't buy it. He had to have been hating this hell as much as she was, otherwise, he wasn't human.

There was no way of knowing how long she'd been staring at him now. At some point in time the stranger in the far left cell had quieted down- perhaps he'd fallen asleep- which left the two young adults sitting in silence.

"Supongo que usted nunca me ha visto antes de ahora. ¿O, debo digo, usted nunca ha visto un mexicano antes?" Whatever it was that he'd just said was most certainly foreign but he didn't look like any other immigrant settler she'd seen before. Penny prided herself on knowing quite a few languages- french she'd learned from a traveller passing through town, her German was fairly decent thanks to Von Slickstein, and she'd picked up some Dutch here and there- but this one was new to her. The stranger just barely let his eyes droop open, leaving them half-lidded and smug. The darkness of his iris seemed to consume his whole eyeball, leaving no white visible so long as they were so close to being closed. "Entonces, soy verdad."

"Ya speak English, right?" He'd responded to her earlier in English so he had to.

"Un poco," the man responded at first before correcting himself, "that is a little."

The blonde nodded and narrowed her blue eyes as she regarded him. Everything about the stranger was dark, smooth, and unknown. He was a foreign entity to her. She wondered if she was the same to him. "Where're ya from?"

"South." He spoke plainly but the law-woman had never heard of anything further South than where she was now. She'd never heard of any settlements to the South of the cluster her town was a part of. "México."

"Meh-HI-co?" The blonde parroted. She'd certainly never heard of any Meh-HI-co. "Does eryone 'n Meh-HI-co look like ya do?"

"You mean incredibly, astoundingly handsome?" He took a moment to waggle his thick eyebrows at her but she wasted no time in clearing up her point.

"No, I mean, yer skin- 's so… dark. 'S strange." Somehow the stranger seemed offended at her remark.

"¿Mi piel es extraño?" Even though she didn't know what the man was saying, she could tell he was angry. "Es tu piel que es extraña. Tú miras que un huevo, tú eres tan blanca. No me importa cuál bonita tú eres, tú todavía miras extraña."

"What?" She asked.

At that moment the drunkard seemed to briefly regain conscious long enough to clarify, "he said ya look like 'n egg." The shocked look on her own face must've inspired the wide grin that took over his.

"'N egg?!" Penny cried out angrily as she looked at the man from Meh-HI-co. "How 'n the world do I look like 'n egg?!"

"You are pale and round in the face- much more so than women where I come from." The stranger said calmly. "I look weird to you," he gestured with his hands loosely to convey a 'therefore', "you look weird to me." It made sense but the woman didn't enjoy being called strange, although, thinking on it more, she realized he must've felt the same way.

"Yer clothes," she asked tilting her head slightly while letting her chin rest on her palm, "'re they from Meh-HI-co too?"

"Sí, which means yes." He said while shifting slightly to pull his blanket off over his head. Holding it out with one arm, the outsider regarded it fondly. "This is un poncho or gabán."

"It looks like a blanket with a hole cut 'n the middle." Penny noted.

"Blain-keht?" Apparently the stranger didn't know this English word. Normally the blonde would have loved to share her knowledge with another but she was entirely too curious about learning more about the Meh-HI-co place.

"What're the patterns on yer poncho?" The law-woman tilted her head curiously as she admired the purple blockly swirls that decorated the bottom of the thick, grey fabric. The swirls then morphed into various vertical stripes of purple and white that would've traced up his chest and over his shoulder to go back down his back were the man still wearing the cloth.

"It is how all serapes and ponchos are made in Coahuila."

"Cowa-cua-coah-" she frowned as her tongue tried to sort out the word he'd said. "But I thought ya're from Meh-HI-co."

"Coahuila," he'd said it slightly slower this time with extra pronunciation for her, "es un parte, part, of México."

"Oh, I get it now." Penelope said quietly as her brain processed the new information. "Why're ya here, ya know, 'stead o' Meh-HI-co?"

"I am a, que fue la palabra, go-er? I go places?" The young woman giggled at his English.

"Go-er? The word you want is traveller, you travel places." He seemed confused.

"But do I not also go places? How can I travel places and be a traveller and yet go places and not be a go-er?" His question caused the blonde to frown.

"That just isn't proper English." She said.

"Ay," he muttered while dropping his poncho so he could angily fold his arms across his chest, "esta lengua, Ingles, me duele lo."

"What language do ya speak?" The interim sheriff was in full-on interrogation mode now. She was firing questions as soon as she thought of them.

"Español." He said plainly whilst still keeping his arms to his chest.

"Espanyol? Not Meh-HI-co-n?" The flat, dead look he gave her answered her question perfectly. There was no Meh-HI-co-n language and it was absurd that she even asked. Desperately wanting to change the subject, Penny shifted gears. "So, why do ya travel?"

His dark eyes hadn't left her form. "Soy un business man. I go to where the best _deals_ are."

"Yer a carpet bagger?" The blonde's mouth screwed to the side, "wait, yer not frum the North. Meh-HI-co's 'n the South. Re there others like you- travelling and finding deals?"

"A few," the man mused as his eyes wandered to the ceiling as though he could see his home painted there. "I'd heard stories of algunas quien travelled North but most people had no desire to leave. Most believed there was nothing up here. They called me loco. That was five years ago. I'm now richer than any of them could've possibly dreamed."

"Five years ago? How old re ya?" the law-woman's heart skipped a beat when his gaze focused on her again.

"Twenty years." The stranger examined her for a moment before nodding in her direction. "You?"

"Nineteen."

"You've already had a quinceanera?" She didn't recognize the word. "Already of marrying age then. Tell me, do you have a husband yet?"

Frowning, the woman crossed her arms across her chest. "I don' like the idea of marriage. It jus' marks a woman as a man's property. I am my own property."

"Yo dudo que tu no tienes algun ofertas." Was that an insult? She'd met many who disagreed with her opinion. Marriage was a part of Christianity and Christianity was the only ideology in this land of hers. Admittedly, the blonde was a skeptic on that matter. She liked the morality behind it but hadn't been given enough hard evidence to justify the existence of an all powerful, all knowing bearded white man that occupied the sky. Her small world only consisted of the one religion so she assumed her conversation partner was of the same faith and, like others, dismissed her views and personal opinion. "It isn't commun to see a woman stand up for that. Muy fuerte; very strong." There was just the barest hint of mocking in his voice however Penelope suspected that his tone might just be a byproduct of a quirky sense of humor and not an insult.

"Ya betta believe it," the law-woman said proudly as she tilted her chin up. "There's a reason I'm interim sheriff."

"Interim?" His dark eyebrows raised curiously. "Que significa- ehm, what does that word mean?"

"Temporary. For a perid o' time."

"You aren't always the sheriff?" He tilted his head and Penny found herself trying to memorize the newly revealed angles of his face.

"Nope. Tha's my uncle- Sheriff Gadget. He's outta town fer the day. So I'm in charge."

"Tu significas que fue culpado por una policía practica?" Whatever the outsider said seemed to make him genuinely upset. "How could I get caught by a civilian?!"

"Civilian?!" The blonde parroted angrily. "I ain't no- Wait! That reminds me! What kind of business man goes pointing his gun at people's heads?!"

Scoffing, the man rolled his eyes. "The kind of business man that is sick of some pendejo who thinks es comico a usar racial slurs." His glare was powerful and Penny felt her anger deflate.

"Racial slurs?" The law-woman had never heard the phrase before.

Furrowing his eyebrows, the man frowned even deeper. "You truly live in a very small world." It felt insulting but the white woman knew it was the truth. "A racial slur is when una persona insults another based upon the color de su skin. They say that the person of a different color is less of a human than they are solamente porque of that color."

Penny joined the stranger in frowning as she processed his words. "But tha' makes no sense." Her baby blue eyes met his. "Yer obviously a human being."

"Not according to some. Some of your 'white folk' believe that anyone who isn't as palido as the inside of a potato is a different species- an animal." He raised a hand to gesture in the direction of the tavern. "The man I was pointing my gun at was one of them. He'd called me un animale and entonces I asked him if he thought an animal knew how to use a gun." They both fell into silence for a brief period of time. Penelope didn't like that people in her town were acting this way. Perhaps she could make a rule about discriminating against people for something as trivial as their skin color. A question suddenly popped into her head and she felt the need to ask it.

"How do ya know English?" The law-woman asked.

"After I left México and started travelling I met many English speakers on the road. We couldn't communicarse porque they did not know my language and I did not know theirs. It was bad for business. So, I taught myself English to bridge the gap." His tone was lax as though such a feat were no big deal.

"Ya taught yerself?!" Penny frowned as she realized just how academically rigorous such a thing was. She was learning a couple languages on the side with help from native speakers and she was barely fluent and all had been hard work. For him to figure out the complex nature of her language all by himself- it was astounding. Especially considering what her foreign language tutors had told her. English was a nasty cowpie of a language- it had confusing rules with more exceptions to them than cases where the rule was followed. Pronunciation was a guessing game and, just to add insult to injury, there was the matter of silent letters.

"Yer some kinda genius, ain't 'cha?" The blonde could tell immediately he wasn't familiar with the word. "A genius 's a person tha's got a strong brain. 'S easy for 'em ta learn n' understand stuff tha's generally incredibly hard fer a normal person to understand." Before she could stop herself, Penelope let something she'd been hiding slip from her lips. "Like me. I'm a genius." Her pale hands flew to cover her mouth as she watched her captive process what she'd said.

"Ah. That makes sense." His words hung in the air for a long time before the law-woman realized what had been said.

"Wa-whut?" She was standing directly in front of his small cell, her hands gripping the bars painfully. "It dusn' bother ya?"

Again, the head tilt- she found it quite endearing now. "Why would it?"

"Women aren' supposed ta be intellectuals. We're supposed ta be pretty n' dainty n' weak- like a doll. 'S bad 'nough I know how ta use a gun. If thuh townsfolk knew I'm an intellectual I'd be ostracized- cast out, sent away, banished from my home." Just like that she felt all her energy drain from her body in the face of despair. Wearily stumbling backwards to land in her chair, Penny finished her story. "So I've been hidin' how much I know all my life- 's thuh only way I can stay here 'n my hometown."

"Then," his voice spoke up but she couldn't bring herself to look at him, "I'm the first person you've told this?"

"Outside my family, yep."

"Veo… pues, I believe in equality of all cosas so to return us to equilibrium voy a share un secret contigo." Penny's ears perked up in interest to hear what her mysterious new friend had to say. "I am actually," he paused dramatically and the blonde didn't have to look to know he had a huge smirk on his face, "one of the most wanted bandits in the land." His tone was joking so the law-woman went ahead and laughed- yet something nagged at her in the back of her mind. "Si. They call me 'La Garra'- even though I am a man- but El Garro translates to something different in English."

"'N what does 'La Garra' mean?" She asked, finally looking at him again.

"The Talon." There was something sinister in his eyes when he said that name but he wore such a pacifying smile that Penny found herself wondering whether or not she'd seen such a gleam. "The man in the next cell over- el cantador- is a very prestigious banker who has on him the plans for a nearby gold exchange that I am going to hijack." That was certainly a joke. There was no way the drunkard was a banker with that information. Her guard dropped, Penelope let herself laugh freely.

"I'm sure." Standing up, the woman adjusted her vest and checked her gun before preparing to leave. "I need ta make rounds. Ya hang out here. Yer sentence ends 'n a few hours at sundown." Her back to him as she walked out the door she spoke with a smile. "I'll be back then."

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" The Talon shouted after her as she made her way back to the main road through town.

It'd been a couple of hours and the giant ball of fire was low in the reddening sky. The blonde figured it was time to return to her office and let her criminals go free. As she walked down the main road, she noticed a girl her age in very nice fineries- a bright red layered saloon dress that obviously cost more than the entire saloon of her meager town did. This female was struggling on her dainty shoes to stumble to the main road. Her styled brunette hair was a mess and her make-up seemed slightly smeared.

"'Scuse me, ma'am." Penny said as she approached the stranger. "Can I help ya?"

The woman looked at the interim sheriff in disdain- evidently her style of dress was some kind of personal insult to the lady. "I need thuh sheriff." Straightening herself out, the brunette looked down at the blonde. "Take me to him."

"That'd be me, ma'am." Penelope shifted into a more powerful stance with her hands on her hips pulling the brown vest back to expose her holstered gun.

With a sneer composed of one part belief disbelief, one part scorn, five parts snobbishness, and just a pinch of contempt, the brunette examined the law-woman once again. "But- yer a woman."

"Yes."

"Women 're dainty, ladylike, and beautiful- although apparently ya wern't raised ta such standards- we are weak. We can't use a gun. You can't use a gun." There was anger in her voice. She'd been taught a single set of values her whole life and this- this blasphemer was trying to pretend she was a man or something. It was ridiculous.

"I can do better than just use a gun." The blonde said with a scowl as she slipped a worn down loafer from her foot. Tossing the old shoe in the air, the two women stood absolutely still until the footwear reached its peak. In a flash Penny whipped her gun from the holster and shot at the show before slipping the firearm back into its home. As the leather craft fell to the ground a smoking hole was evident in the middle of its body. "Anybody can use a gun. I can hit my targets."

The brunette let out an unladylike grunt as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Hmmph. Anyway, I need ta report a crime that happened near yer little hovel."

Back to her professional mindset, Penny's face became serious. "Whut happened?"

"A robbery," she paused for a moment as though considering something, "by a very handsome man."

"Ma'am, I'm going to need more details." The blonde's steely blue eyes didn't stray from the witness.

"Oh, absolutely," the stranger raised a gloved hand to her flushed face. "Let's see, he was very tall. He had dark, piercing eyes. They looked right through me and -oh- I swear he was giving me the vapors. He was obviously ethnic, unfortunately dark skin but not too terrible. He certainly had a fantastic build- ya could see the muscles from beneath the patterned blanket on his shoulders. I wouldn' mind bein' his bandit queen even though he isn't white. I can just see it now: thuh two o' us ridin' on horses through the open count-"

"Ma'am," Penelope said with a flat face. "I meant about the robbery."

"Oh," trying to play off her romantic interlude smoothly, the woman adjusted her hair and looked bored as she spoke. "Well, I was with a wagon caravan transporting gold that my father is in charge of. Thuh route was a secret only known to my father and those who drove thuh wagons. My father went ahead early to this town for some alcohol. We were passin' by this town a while aways that'a way when suddenly a lone man appeared in front of thuh first wagon. He shot at thuh wheels and broke them so everyone stopped. Thuh guards tried ta shoot him but he shot 'em all first. Then he took a few sacks of gold, threw 'em on thuh back o' one of our horses and rode away." The blonde frowned as something nagged at the back of her head. "Oh! He said something before he left. 'La Garra sends his regards ta thuh blonde-" The woman gasped, "thuh blonde sheriff! Yer the blonde sheriff! How do ya know him? Think I could meet him again? Formally this time? I didn' even get a chance ta talk ta him."

The law-woman wasn't listening. She was already running back to her office. Bursting in through the front door her eyes immediately sought out the cells. In the leftmost cell was the drunkard- now much less drunk- seeming to clutch at his head in pain as he looked at a pile of papers that looked to be the entirety of the contents of his pockets. Apparently something was missing.

The center cell was empty.


	13. Dream Guy

Wow. I was definitely wrong about that whole free time in college thing. Hooooly shit I have never been his busy. It's a little fun but also ridiculously stressful. That said, the couple of you guys apologizing for pressuring me to update- you don't have to apologize. I'm incredibly resistant to social pressure and I promise that your requests have not increased my incredibly rising stress levels. It is my honors history class that is really carrying the team concerning that. Anyway, I've got a couple updates for you guys:

1)There's a cartoon (some of you probably already know about it) where the main ship is remarkably similar to Talon and Penny except they're on the same side and exchange their super genius for actual super powers. Beyond that the two have quite similar personalities to our pair (even the male having a crappy home life a la Talon). The show is called Miraculous Ladybug and I'd recommend it to you all. I'm probably going to be sprinkling in some references and might even do a full blown crossover in future one-shots, just so you know.

2) This is pertaining to what was said in the first paragraph. College has me crazy busy so I'm afraid my nightmarish upload schedule is likely to continue. I'm doing my best but college requires a lot of me. Although, I suppose that is the point. College is crazy rewarding (depending on the type of person you are and where you go and I'm just going to stop talking about this now.)

Quick responses before I let you guys finally get to the story you've been waiting _months_ for.

Anonymous: Don't worry! I'm okay- just overworked, stressed, and metaphorically flailing though college. I know it sounds horrible but in a weird, borderline masochistic way, I'm kind of loving it. I'm sorry I couldn't keep in regular contact with you and I missed our conversations too. I don't think I've gone a week in my life without telling someone to shut up, usually coupled with my choice of curse words. Internalizing all that negativity can lead you down some dark roads. I know what you mean about the trust issues. While mine probably aren't as drastic as yours, I'm really bad at trusting people. I've had certain friends for more than a decade and I still don't necessarily trust them. It's hard a thing to do. I absolutely count you as a friend. I can't talk to a person this much without them being a friend. I've got kind of a "dating sim" approach to relationships (and life in general) where I quantify everything in order to process it better. There's a sufficient relationship here to absolutely justify friendship. And, to be frank, there's nothing wrong with being a creepy loner so I wouldn't hold it against you. I go into hermit moods where I'll simply decide that I won't be going outside anytime soon and live that sweet, creepy loner life. It's pretty fantastic. I'm incredibly happy for you for getting to go to private school! You aren't overreacting at all. You were obviously bothered by your previous living situation and this opportunity obviously means a lot to you! Feel free to rejoice (even though I'm months late to the party). Your approach to life, fighting for what you believe is right, is absolutely admirable and more than enough to make you an amazing person. I'm going to pull a straight up Kamina here and insist on your greatness. If I'm really as great as you say I am, then I should be able to recognize it in others and you certainly qualify. Believe in the me that believes in you! (I don't know if you know of that anime but it's fabulous). Sorry you had to wait so long for another reply.

Skierswimmer: You don't need to apologize. I'm the kind of person that gets really forgetful if you don't kick me in the ass about certain things. Feel free to remind me as much as you want about writing these for you guys! It's definitely one of the more productive ways I can cope with all this college stress. Also, you had some pretty cool ideas for shots. I might whip a few of those out (eventually)!

TheJadeArmada: Thanks so much for the compliments! School's been pretty overwhelming but I think I've finally got a good rhythm to start churning these out again... maybe. I'm not making any promises.

Ln: Actually, pineapplefish gave me an idea recently that falls right into that category that I'm thinking of working on either next or after that.

* * *

Title: Dream Guy

Word Count: 7609

Genre: Romance-ish/Pining/some Humor

Summary: No, but like, he is literally her dream guy.

Rating: T for language

* * *

It all started with Kayla's stupid idea. It was a sleepover activity that the two had tried a couple times before: trolling the internet for stupid personality quizzes that were only accurate 10% of the time. They stumbled upon one with a cover photo of a ridiculously poorly photoshopped montage of "hot guys" under a series of layers of glitter effects and hot pink filters. The title was "what is your dream guy type?" with copious amounts of multicolored heart emojis on either side of the text. It certainly seemed stupid enough to get a laugh out of them.

Kayla went first, answering the seemingly nonsensical questions about ideal date locations and items she'd never leave home without. Somehow, she ended up with "the buff jock" which certainly got a fair number of laughs out of Penny. Kayla shot her friend a smirk.

"You can laugh now but just wait until we see your dream boy." The black girl grinned, "what'll he be? Surfer bro, skater dude, comic book geek?"

"Ooo!" The agent replied with a roll of her bright eyes, "I like that last one. I think I'll aim for comic book geek." With that the quiz began. She hadn't even answered the first question when she piped up, "I don't understand how choosing a favorite dessert out of only these options contributes to understanding my romantic life."

"Just answer the question," her friend shot back.

"Mint chocolate chip ice cream isn't even an option and yet somehow pancakes are? Pancakes are a breakfast food, _not_ a dessert."

"Just pick something already!"

"Are you asking me to settle? I'm looking for a dream guy and I'm supposed to settle for less than the best? Where is the romance?" Pushing the over dramatic persona a pinch further and channeling her inner southern belle, the girl tossed her head back with the back of her hand held over her forehead. A gasp with the slightest hint of a southern twang accompanied the motion.

"Penny, stop delaying the inevitable! I will find out who your dream guy is!" Kayla scolded her friend. The seemingly pointless questions continued until the blonde finally reached the last one.

"Did you like this quiz?" Penny read aloud, "yes, yeah, absolutely, totes, or no because I'm a meanie." Without hesitation, the blonde chose the last option. "Because pancakes are not a dessert," the agent clarified needlessly.

The brief loading screen brought the black girl's excitement levels back to peak as she shoved the superior HQ employee out of the way. Putting up no resistance, the girl genius instead focused on her friend's facial expression as to her results. For a moment Kayla looked dumbstruck before her grin stretched wide. The laughing teen presented the screen to the blonde.

_You're type is the misunderstood bad boy. Your a pretty competitive person an u need a guy wholl challende u 2 ur fullest putenchul. But behind his ruff ecsteareor this bad boy has had a tuff past and u want nothing more then 2 help heel his wunds._

"My ideal type-" Penny couldn't bring herself to continue speaking.

"Your dream guy is Talon!" Kayla cackles as she fell backwards. As the girl genius' brain seemed to take a raincheck, her best friend continued to laugh hysterically. The darker girl controlled herself long enough to declare, "dibs on being the maid of honor at your wedding. I'm gonna-" giggles slipped past her resolve before she continued, "gonna give a speech about how _this exact moment_ was when I knew you and Talon were fated to be together. That he was your _dream guy_."

* * *

It was incredibly cold outside but, for some reason, the blonde couldn't feel it. She knew it was supposed to be cold if the large piles of snow around her were anything to go by, however it almost felt as though she were watching events take place from outside her own body. She was wrapped in a bright red coat that stood out starkly against her white surroundings. The blonde could easily be easily spotted from miles away. Only one other thing managed to differentiate itself in the landscape of white snow and soft grey concrete. A bright blotch of red with a dark- almost purple- center was a few meters from the girl.

Even as she approached the spot calmly the blonde could feel a sense of dread build within her. Before she realized it, the mysterious mess was at her feet and Penny squatted down to look at it.

Of course. The HQ agent had somehow known it had to be him. A beaten and bruised Hispanic teen was collapsed in the bright red puddle. Why wasn't she terrified? He looked like he should be dead!

"You dork," Penny's voice left her mouth without consent. Her tone was somehow jovial. "What did you get yourself into this time?" There was no response from what looked to be a corpse. The girl genius laughed. "Alright, anyway, let's get home. It's cold outside." The blonde smiled as she waited for life to return to the broken body. A minute caused the smile to fade as she crossed her arms over her chest with a huff. "M'kay, see you at home then." Walking away, Penny smirked.

A scuffling sound from behind her caused the agent to pause. Glancing back, she saw the teen easily picking himself off the ground with a chuckle. "How could you tell?" He said amicably as he fell into step beside her- still looking like a carcass. "Were my theater makeup skills not pro enough to fool you?" Rubbing at his cheek, the white cheekbone that seemed to be exposed became smudged. "Seriously, what gave it away?"

"The whole thing smelled too strongly of ketchup," Penny replied with a confident grin.

"Damn, I knew I should've just synthesized some of my own pseudo-blood," he muttered.

"And, besides," the blonde set her azure eyes upon her companion, "you've stopped appearing on my doorstep needing severe medical attention ever since you moved out of your uncle's," time seemed to slow down as if to emphasize what followed, "and in with me."

Talon wrapped a muscled arm around her shoulders with a heartfelt smile.

* * *

Penny sat up so quickly that she tumbled off the couch she and Kayla had been sleeping on. The resulting noise was enough to wake her friend. "Girl, it is way too early in the morning for your aerobics," she said with a yawn as she rolled over to look at her downed comrade.

The blonde was rigid as she processed what just happened. "I had… a dream," she murmured just loud enough for Kayla to hear, "about Talon."

"Dreamin' bout your dream boy, huh?" the black girl said with a smirk, "fill me in on the deets in the morning, please."

The following morning the two sat at Penny's kitchen table. "Here is the long and short of it," the girl genius said with a scowl. "Due to psychological pressure on my subconscious-"

"You're dreaming about the boy you like," Kayla teased with a shit eating grin.

"The subconscious suggestion made by the term 'dream guy,'" Penny's volume increased as she tried to talk over her friend's voice, "just so happened to-"

"You liiiiiiiiike him."

"-influence my dreams _regardless_ of my feelings concerning his person!"

"Penny and Talon sitting in a tree," the junior agent sang, "k-i-s-s-"

"Psychology does not have any conclusive findings on dreams so the fact that he is in mine in NO WAY REFLECT ANY ROMANTIC FEELINGS FOR HIM!" Kayla cackled.

* * *

Penny sat in the center of a field of yellow flowers. The blonde frowned as she stared hard at the blur of color surrounding her. Were they marigolds? Daisies? Sunflowers? Somehow they lacked a definite form. The flora looked more like brush strokes of thick oil paint than standard wildlife. Reaching out a pale hand, the agent lightly traced her fingertips along one particularly strong streak of yellow. The indefinite nature of her surroundings frustrated her. Nothing was clear cut, everything was vague and ambiguous. What did it mean? Her hand tightened into a fist around the color and it crumpled but remained wet like a non-Newtonian liquid.

It seemed that her destruction of the streak triggered something in the environment. The fresh smell of something distinctly flowery was overpowered by the stench of turpentine used in oil paintings. The air burned her nostrils as Penny, with liquid yellow slowly dripping from her palm, jumped up to a standing position. Breaking into a run, the girl genius pushed the wet color out of her way. The gentle landscape was torn apart and scattered all around her as she sprinted from the center of the field. Her form was being splattered in yellow as she ripped through the world. Somewhere ahead of her, Penny could feel a wall looming tall over her- stark white, impassable and insurmountable. She couldn't stop running though. She couldn't slow down. She was going to run headfirst into an immovable wall. The blonde could not distinguish the barrier from the plain white sky that encased her world but she knew it was close.

Suddenly it was upon her. The agent could feel the front of her body as it started to collide with the wall. Everything seemed to slow down for a moment as she watched her skin ripple at the impact. Her blue eyes looked away from the skin to focus on the white expanse in front of her eyes. The girl genius refused to cower from the wall. All at once time seemed to catch up to her as her body splattered into bright yellow paint against the wall.

"I just don't get Jackson Pollock paintings," a voice interrupted the blonde's peril. It was smooth, casual, and strangely soothing. Penny was suddenly aware of her existence again as she turned to look at the boy standing next to her. His amber eyes met hers curiously. "What?"

An art museum seemed to materialize around them and soft classical music filled her ears. The blonde glanced back at the canvas in front of her. It was stark white with messy explosions of yellow paint scattered haphazardly. "Me neither," she spoke softly. He laughed, not caring at all about the dirty looks some other patrons shot him.

"I'm not too sure this is our kind of scene," his eyes slid across the posh art museum, "I'm pretty sure there is a science museum not too far from here. They just got in a new interactive exhibit about non-Newtonian liquids. Shall we continue our date elsewhere?" Talon held his hand out to the girl. Grinning, the blonde accepted it.

* * *

"Again?" Kayla squeaked excitedly as she settled into the computer station next to her friend.

"Yes," the blonde groaned, trying to focus on the statistics she was entering into the program, "I dreamed about _him_ again."

"Tell me everything that happened in it!" The junior agent insisted as she opened a browser and pulled up facebook.

"Aren't friends supposed to be uninterested in your dreams?" Penny deadpanned, fighting her growing frown down.

"Only the boring ones about how you were in your house but it wasn't your house it was also a mall but it wasn't a mall and your grandma was there but she was some kind of giraffe lizard hybrid boxing with a seal." Kayla replied flippantly.

"That sounds way more interesting than my dream," the girl genius supplied.

"I will be the judge of that," her friend shot back, "now spill!"

* * *

With a low growl Penny army-crawled her way through the cramped airducts. The cold metal pressed against her body uncomfortably as she moved along. "I can't believe I have to rescue _him_." Spotting the vent she needed, the blonde slid forward until she came to a stop in front of it. Unscrewing the vent cover, the agent continued muttering to herself. "Honestly, what kind of evil genius," the grate came loose and she gently set it aside. Slipping her body through the opening, Penny flipped to let her feet land on the ground silently, "gets himself-" Her voice was caught in her throat by the sight before her.

Her greatest nemesis, the yang to her yin, her polar opposite, the other member of their two-of-a-kind pair, all these things and more were what Talon was to her. Now he was broken, one leg twisted in an unnatural direction, his arms chained to the metal wall he was propped against. There were dark, dried blood stains around his torn up body. Large cuts and bruises were visible all over the exposed caramel skin. His head was bent forward, concealing his face from her view with his dark hair acting as a curtain. The agent was too terrified to move. Was he even ali-

Loud coughing interrupted her train of thought. "Hey," a raspy voice called out from the wrecked body on the ground, "Pretty Penny." Muscles visibly shook as the boy raised his head to show off a smirk. The grin was accompanied by a black eye and what looked to be a large cut atop that. Dried blood was caked on his cheeks and flaked off with the stretching of his grin. The tracks reminded the agent of tear stains. "What brings you he-" his struggling speech was cut off by the sound of heavy footfalls approaching from down the hall from his cell. His dark amber eyes fell back on her again. "Leave."

"I-" Her voice couldn't escape her throat.

"Go." He hissed at her. The blonde couldn't stop herself from retreating back into the ceiling vent at his command. From her high perch, her blue eyes never strayed from his form below.

The heavy metal door to the cell slammed open. Penny couldn't help but flinch. Talon didn't have the energy to. A form covered in shadows spoke in a voice the agent could almost recognize. "Are you ready to tell me what you know?" It was so familiar.

The henchman barked out a short laugh that sounded more like the violent hacking of a pneumonia patient. Was there blood in his lungs? "You want me to go through the list again?" His voice shook but not from fear. It was easy to hear the persistent bravado in his voice. "Alright," with a low chuckle the boy attempted to clear his throat. "W-well, first you need to do something about that face. You can change your clothes and your hair all you'd like but that face is going to keep any potential suitors away. After the plastic surgery you'll need to pick a fitting hairstyle. You'll want to pay special attention to your new jawline so-" The shadowed figure stepped forward to slap the teen into silence before removing his or herself once more so Penny could see the victim. Talon's smile remained on his face.

"You think you're funny, punk?" the voice growled out.

"Think?" The Hispanic teen scoffed. "I know I'm funny."

"Unless you tell me what I want to know, you're not going to be for very long." The stranger's tone changed.

"Is that a threat?" The evil genius asked mockingly even as his body shrieked at him to do anything to stop the pain.

"Dead men ain't funny." Penny's heart lurched and her blue eyes widened. "So tell me what I want to know. Now."

"Let me think about that," Talon's nonchalance was giving Penny a heart attack. "No, no I really can't think of anything you'd want to know." The sharp sound of steel alerted the girl genius. A knife had just been unsheathed.

"Fine." This was it. The henchman's eyes raised to the heavens in a sign of defeat, catching sight of the one person he felt understood him at least slightly.

He grinned. Tears welled up in the blonde's blue orbs. "Dying time," the teen spoke weakly. The stranger couldn't tell that the villain was looking at another person. "Guess I better pick a religion, just in case." He sighed as his eyelids fluttered closed for a moment. "I'm thinking buddhism. Reincarnation sounds fun." His caramel eyes were open once more and they rested upon Penny. "What do you think, Penny?"

Had he just revealed that she was here- "Don't call me that." The stranger's voice interrupted as they stepped in front of the boy, once again hiding him from the girl's sight. A slashing sound filled the space in between their words as the blonde clamped her hands over her mouth in horror. The knife was being held at the figure's side, red ooze dripping from the blade. "You haven't called me that," the voice's origin suddenly became startlingly clear as Penny felt her own mouth shaping the words. The stranger turned around and had her face. Blinking, the blonde found that she was no longer observing the scene from above but looking up at an empty air vent in the ceiling. An ominous weight in her right hand had her frozen in place. Yet her body moved on its own. "In a long time." Her mouth finally finished it's train of thought. An arm lazily brought the blade to her face, showing off her handiwork before nonchalantly flicking the blood off it onto the ground. The girl wanted to scream.

Which she did. She managed to expel all the air in her lungs in one incredibly loud shriek as she vaulted up out of her bed.

* * *

"Did you dream about him again?" Kayla asked that day as the two HQ agents sat down for lunch. Penny frowned as she stared into her pile of mashed potatoes.

"I did," the blonde replied. Taking her plastic spoon up quickly, the girl crushed the somewhat thixotropic solution beneath the utensil. She needed a distraction.

"Well," the lower ranked agent said as she crossed her arms over her chest, "tell me about it."

"Do I have to?" The look her friend gave her told the blonde the answer. "Fine." She bit her bottom lip as she looked down to her potatoes once again. "I killed him."

"Wha- Penny, that is not how one is supposed to go about dreaming about a crush." Penny merely groaned in frustration.

* * *

Penny sprinted desperately down a hollow hallway. Her arms flailed at her sides with abandon and even as he body protested loudly at the stress her recklessness was putting it under, the agent had no time to spare. She needed to get to the end of the hallway. The girl could tell that she was incredibly close to slipping and falling down with each footfall but her determination pushed her forward regardless. A cry was building in her lungs, ready to be expelled. She needed to get to the end of the hallway. Her blue eyes stared unblinkingly at the intersection of the two parallel walls at her sides- so far away. Why did she need to get to the end of the hallway?

"Hey." A soft voice startled the blonde as she finally lost her footing. Tumbling down to the ground, the agent rolled on her side while trying to protect her face with her arms. Everything hurt. Her body demanded that she stay on the ground. That she go to sleep and recover and worry about her future later. Her arms shook as she tried to force herself back to her feet. She needed to get to the end of the hallway. It was still so far awa-

There was a plain white door in front of her. She was at the end of the hallway. Everything suddenly felt distant as the girl lifted her eyes to the doorknob. The blonde watched as though she were outside her own body as she finally managed to get to her feet. A pale peach hand the genius recognized as her own grasped the knob. Twisting the metal bulb, her consciousness was sucked back into her body as she found herself staring at the slowly opening door. Penny took a deep, steadying breath as the white wood swung away and revealed its secrets.

"What are you looking at?" called a voice from behind the girl. Beyond the doorframe was pure nothingness, a vacuum of any matter and energy. Complete, perfect darkness spread out before her for what could've been anything from less than a foot to all of eternity.

"Everything," the girl genius spoke wistfully, as though she could see everything in the pitch blackness. She could feel a palm press flat on her back. Even as Penny felt her body gently tip forward, the girl found herself completely calm. The was no gravity to pull her down in the void so rather than fall the blonde began to float outwards. Momentum caused her to slowly turn around, allowing her to see the one that pushed her. There was no air so she could not gasp at the sight of Talon standing in the now shrinking doorway. The Hispanic teen shot her a smile before grasping the doorknob and pulling the door shut- trapping her in the void.

* * *

"Ooo!" Kayla said as she spotted Penny in the halls of HQ. "I know that look! You had another dream!" The black girl ran up to her friend, giddy with excitement. "What happened this time?"

"He killed me." The agent said flatly as she tried to continue down the hall. Her friend's mouth screwed up to the side in a lopsided frown.

"Penny," Kayla's tone was deadly serious, "I think you need serious help. You do understand how dream guys work, right? These dreams are supposed to be cute and fluffy so that I can squeal about them. How am I supposed to squeal about you dying at his hands?"

"I don't know," the blonde replied stoically.

* * *

"Penelope Brown," the blonde gave a quick nod to the three girls standing in the cabin. "Daughter of Ma'at."

"Ma'at, huh?" Spoke one with long dark hair pulled back by a pink headband. "So you're, like, what? Egyptian? I'm Sissi, daughter of Aphrodite." She paused to flip her hair over her shoulder. "Like you can't tell." A haughty giggle accompanied the self-directed compliment.

"I-," another girl with dark hair, this time of a much shorter length and pulled into low pigtails, paused to collect herself before continuing with more confidence, "I'm Marinette, daughter of Fu-xing. Nice to meet you."

The last girl, a brunette with long curly brunette locks who was wearing an oversized, brightly colored sweater, grinned widely as she approached Penny. "Hi! I'm Mabel! I'm a descendant of Merlin." She gestured to the bottom bunk of the bed to the right of the door. "Everyone else has already claimed a bunk, so you get the last one."

"Okay," Penny replied, not caring about the location of her bed. Dropping her duffel bag on the mattress, she turned when she heard a low, blaring horn sound from outside. All four girls exited the cabin and began to walk towards a large wooden structure. They passed multiple other residences along the way, all with other groups of teens leaving them. One particularly noisy cabin to their left, burst open just as the girls were walking past.

"I'm telling you," a short brunette with curly hair trapped under a baseball cap spoke loudly back into the structure, "I cannot pull rabbits out of hats- that isn't what being a descendant of Merlin means!" The ensuing laughter caused him to turn away and notice one of the nearby girls. "Mabel!" He released the door and sprinted to catch up to the sweater-wearing teen. "Can you please help me reason with my roommates? They think I'm some party magician!"

Just as Mabel was about to respond, two rather tall teens followed the brunette out of the cabin. One of them wore a black beanie with the brim pulled down so low it not only covered all of his hair but obscured the upper half of his face from view. Curiously enough, the hat had two black cat ears attached to it. If Penny had to take a wild guess, she'd bet he was a child of Bast. Beside him was a Hispanic teen with dark purple hair gelled to defy gravity. He seemed to heavily favor the color purple, as it was displayed prominently throughout his wardrobe. He had golden amber eyes that flickered over the group in front of him before lagging slightly on Penny. The two boys looked as though they'd just gotten done laughing.

From behind them a voice called out," no, we understand you're not just any party magician." Twin grins broke out on the two teens faces, "you're a descendant of the great man of mystery!" A rather short blonde with a splotch of purple dyed into the front of his hair emerged from the the doorway. Scrawny and decked out in magenta, violet, and other bright, traditionally feminine colors, one would not expect him to exude the charisma that he did. "A spectacle beyond mere party tricks," the taunting in his voice was obvious, "you're no opening show- _you're the headliner_!" The trio laughed good naturedly. "Only truly grand venues are worthy of showcasing your talent!" The male twin groaned but it was clear that he wasn't _that_ bothered by their teasing.

Sissi sneered at the newest arrival. "_Odd._" The blonde boy's eyes seemed to light up at the sight of the tall girl.

"Sissi! What a pleasure," he strolled leisurely forward with a smirk on his face, "I always know I'm in for a good time when I see the ugliest daughter of Aphrodite." Penny's eyes widened in shock at the blatant insult. Sure, the girl had acted stuck up earlier but she didn't deserve such cruel words. The fashionista, however, seemed unphased.

"If it isn't the pipsqueak son of Hermes," she responded in the same tone and ushered her group forward, "you're still as scrawny as ever."

"Svelte," the boy fell in step with the daughter of the goddess of love as she tried to ignore him. "And you should know better than to insult the virility of a child of Hermes." He was obviously teasing but there was the barest hint of a threat buried within the joke. Somehow it struck Penny as a warning to protect the tall, dark-haired girl. Apparently Hermes wasn't comfortable with his masculinity.

Her dark eyes fell on the shorter child of a grecian god. "And you should know better than to call one of Aphrodite's children ugly." Her voice carried the same hidden cautionary message. He merely laughed in response.

"That bridge was burned a long time ago," Odd seemed to be recalling something humorous as his mismatched eyes adopted a far off look while maintaining their mischievous twinkle. Sissi huffed in order to cover up a smile. There was probably an interesting story behind this exchange but Penny found her attention diverted elsewhere.

It seemed their combined groups had begun to pair up. The twins were engaged in a conversation that the blonde could not begin to comprehend. Something about a trio of enchanted books? The boy with the cat hat had struck up a conversation with Marinette and she seemed interested however she grimaced at the numerous cat puns. That left Penny with the Hispanic boy who'd yet to say anything. The blonde glanced at the tall boy trailing behind the mass of teens with a casual smirk resting on his face. He caught her gaze and, somehow, the satisfied chuckle that just barely slipped past his lips irked the girl.

"Can I help you?" Despite his appearance he had a distinctly North American accent. The daughter of Ma'at had to wonder if she even wanted to talk to the halfling beside her. Something in her pushed her to strike up a conversation.

"My name's Penny, daughter of Ma'at." Sticking out a stiff hand, she waited for the teen to respond.

He regarded her offered handshake with mild amusement before merely looking into her eyes, ignoring the appendage, "Talon."

In return, the blonde didn't bother to hide her frown. "So, I guess I'm stuck with the kid that's too cool for school." Her tone was clearly mocking but not too harsh, at least in her opinion.

"I'll have you know that I was great in school," he replied easily, not at all insulted.

"Was?" The daughter of justice prodded, smirk evident on her face at the implication. Penny, herself, had been an excellent student being a genius. Her fulltime job kept her busy but allowed room for her to take college courses online.

"Graduated early," Talon grinned, his dark eyes sliding over to regard her expression. "Standardized and the collegiate level." He paused before adding the cherry on top, "two PhDs."'

The blonde bit the inside of her cheek to keep her surprise from showing. She might've been too quick to judge although it didn't change his rude behavior regarding her handshake. "What fields?" Her mocking had given way to pure curiosity.

"Physics and Computer Sciences," he responded with a laugh, "I know, strange choices for a child of a deity considering the usual relationship between religions and the sciences, but what can I say? I just love science."

"Well," Penny offered, "society's initial understandings of the various gods certainly weren't based in science, however science will inevitably discover, explain, and remove the mysticism associated with it. Eventually our heritage will be as purely scientific as that of any other human being." There was a sparkle in his eyes at her words that made the girl flush. "Actually, did you hear about that proposed plan to hide Earth from possibly, hostile extraterrestrials?"

Somehow his laid back nature seemed to vanish as the teen filled up with energy to hunch down to her eye level and talk with his hands. "You mean how scientists are debating whether we should cloak the earth or broadcast our presence with lasers? I'm thrilled by the prospect!" Most if not all of Penny's grievances with the boy had vanished as they began to debate the proper course of action.

"I'm just saying," the blonde spoke with vigor as she regarded the stars, "imagine how much we could learn, all the advancements that could be achieved through collaboration!"

"Assuming," Talon interrupted, "they aren't hostile which would be insane. Evolution weeds out the peaceful races early on. Just look at humanity, our unflinching cruelty is what got us to the top and what keeps us there."

"Cynic," she replied playfully.

"Hey," he cried out in mock pain, "I'm just a realist."

They were both laughing when Penny finally realized the rest of the group was staring at them. "Um," she began, not sure how to address her peers.

"You," Mabel began, seemingly the only one quick enough to recover from shock to address the two teen geniuses, "were talking about _aliens, lasers, and cloaking devices_?"

As though his twin's words were enough to jump start Dipper into action, he began to speak animatedly. "You believe in them too? Honestly, cloaking seems like a safer option. Otherwise we'd be opening ourselves up to a possible situation like the Americas when the Europeans arrived."

"Exactly!" Talon proclaimed as her turned back to the daughter of justice. "We should be cautious! I don't want the space equivalent of smallpox wiping us all out, thank you very much!" Somehow the tension seemed to diffuse as the entire group began to debate whether to welcome or hide from any aliens.

In no time at all the blonde found herself and her group at the large bonfire welcoming the assorted children for the summer. On the otherside of the large, blazing fire pit was a tall, slender man with steely grey hair and an equally cold, stiff set of eyes. He stood atop a stage, behind a podium waiting for more of the campers to amass. She'd been agreeing enthusiastically with Marinette about how amazing it would be if humans could collaborate with any alien species when she realized that Talon and the son of Bast had both vanished. The lull in their conversation had been long enough for the daughter of the Chinese god of luck to notice a handsome blonde boy on stage.

"Oh my father," she muttered, catching Penny's attention. "It's Adrien Agreste." The soft, love-sick tone of her voice had the other girl quirking an eyebrow. "Oh," the Chinese-Frenchman flushed as she rushed to explain, "he's a really famous French model that's actually our age. His father runs the camp. He's really- uh- really attractive." She paused before suddenly throwing her arms in the air as panic consumed her features, "AND NICE! It- it's more than just his appearance. He's a super sweet person that just happens to be the hottest man on the planet."

"Okay," the blonde replied with a tight smile before redirecting her gaze to the adult at the podium.

"Hello Campers," Gabriel began as the children quieted. "I'm your camp director here at Camp Half-Blood. Now, to welcome you with a speech, my son, Adrien Agreste." The collective screams from fangirls, Marinette included, masked any words the director could've addded to his sentence.

While the blonde boy seemed to approach the microphone shyly, Penny noticed a young girl wearing a hat with pink bunny ears roughly making her way through the crowd towards a tall, blonde teen with short, partially shaved hair and a pink ribbon wrapped needlessly around like a headband. The harsh curses coming from the small child's mouth kept her attention for a while before the model on stage spoke.

"Hello, everyone." Marinette seemed to melt at the sound of his voice. "I, uh, actually had this whole pre-written speech planned out but I'm going to be going a little off-script tonight." Gabriel didn't seem to be reacting well to this news, Penny mused as she watched the man seem to twitch uncontrollably. "So, I'm sure everyone here as at least some idea of what it's going to be like at this camp, how you're going to spend your summer here, the type of friends you'll make, that kind of thing. So… un-fur-tunately," the daughter of justice paused at his strange pronunciation of the word, " that stuff paw-bobly won't be happening be-claws there's kind of a catastrophe going on in the god realm right now and this camp and all of you," his facial expression completely changed as he finished his sentence, "are probably going to be cat-lateral damage." Pure chaos followed his smirk.

Someone threw something into the bonfire that caused the flames to change color dramatically and grow in size while someone in the crowd groaned, "why'd the signal have to be a string of cat puns?" Many of the children were panicking but it wasn't until the blonde with the pink ribbon pointed at the flames and shouted in an incredibly loud voice that all hell broke loose.

"They're trying to summon Loki!" Her impressive volume and words were the signal that it was time for everyone to get the hell out of Dodge. Hundreds of shrieking children turned on their heels and ran. Marinette's eyes were glued on the spot the model once was at. The blonde had disappeared behind the massive tower of multicolored flame and smoke and, judging by Gabriel's actions, was no longer on stage or anywhere visible. It wasn't long before both Penny and the daughter of luck were swept away by the crowds fleeing the area. Before she was pushed out of range, the blonde managed to spot Talon, Adrien, the girl with pink ears, the girl with the pink ribbon, and a few other assorted children running into the forest behind the stage. Her voice collected in her lungs as she prepared to shout out his name.

* * *

An incredibly loud cry Talon's name was not the first thing she wanted to hear, a be responsible for, upon waking up. That morning she quadruple checked her room for any monitoring devices. She didn't need the boy getting any ideas.

As soon as she saw Kayla that morning, the blonde immediately addressed the question at the tip of the black girl's tongue, "yes, it was some weird episodic dream that seemed to be based loosely off Rick Riordan books. Nothing all that romantic happened. I only had a conversation with him in it. There was more palpable romance between all these other people that I don't think I've ever met in real life."

"I need some kind of gossip in my life," Kayla responded cheekily, "tell me about the other romances."

"There seemed to be some chemistry between a son of Hermes and a daughter of Aphrodite that were incredibly mean to each other. They insulted each other a lot but it was like it was supposed to cover up how much they cared about each other." The blonde supplied, surprised she noticed that much from her minimal interactions with the imaginary people.

"Gee," the agent in training said with a grin, "doesn't that sound like someone you know?"

"What?" The girl genius tensed as a blush filled her face, "my insults about him are genuine!"

"I never said it was you," Kayla sang happily.

"We aren't alike! The daughter of Aphrodite was super tall, beautiful, stuck up, and had long, dark hair and the son of Hermes was incredibly short, svelte, had blonde hair in a weird pointy hair style with a purple blotch in it," Penny protested.

"Tall, stuck up, dark hair, and love of purple equals Talon. Short, blonde, beautiful is you. What does svelte mean?" Kayla pointed out nonchalantly.

"It means a smaller body type- skinnier, shorter, petite." Penny muttered with a pout.

"Okay, so still you." The HQ employee responded with a grin, "it's just a shuffle of your features, girl. There's some subconscious pining going on there."

"Well, the other two weren't like us at all. It was a kind-hearted Chinese-Frenchman named Marinette who was the daughter of the Chinese god of luck, Fu-Xing. She had a crush on this French model named Adrien Agreste whose father ran the camp. He was this incredibly attractive, kind, unattainable guy that she was incredibly smitten with, at least until the end of the dream. Stuff got a little weird in the end." The blonde noted.

"So it's a girl pining after a guy that she can never have?" The HQ field agent's nod was enough to tell the girl to continue, "it seems impossible that a fan could ever be in a relationship with a model. It's like they're on two completely different sides of a spectrum-" Kayla paused to stare deliberately at the blonde.

"No," Penny immediately said. "Just because I perceive a relationship with Talon as impossible doesn't mean that I want one in the first place. We're not Romeo and Juliet." The blonde frowned when she noticed her friend was occupied with her smartphone.

"You said his name was Adrien Agreste, right?" Kayla spoke suddenly. Penny nodded. "Is this what he looked like?" Holding up her phone, the black girl showed the agent a picture of a teen identical to the one from her dream. Nodding, slowly the girl genius met the gaze of her close friend. "You have got to tell me how this one goes next time. He's super cute."

Strangely enough, there never was a follow up dream to conclude the story.

* * *

It was dark. Everything was dark. It was only through her kinesthetic sense that Penny knew she was moving forward- walking at an increasingly rapid pace. A small pinprick of light seemed to materialize before her eyes. As the blonde got nearer, she could begin to make out a figure standing in front of the light.

"Hey stupid," a voice called out tauntingly. "Stop dodging the truth."

"What truth?" The genius shouted angrily, rushing towards the shadowed person.

"What do you mean, what truth?" The figure shifted to put their hands on their hips. "You're not that dumb."

"I'm not." Penny agreed.

"So admit it." The voice spoke flatly. "Say what you already know and prove you aren't stupid."

"I'm not stupid," the blonde insisted, "you're just wrong." The shadow in the light seemed unimpressed with her words. "It's just hormones, a passing fancy, a perceived attraction that was suggested to me subconsciously by all those dumb romance novels that idealize the bad boy."

"No, it's not." It was obvious now that the words were coming from the figure.

"Yes, it is." The girl genius was close enough to begin to make out the features of the person she'd been talking to.

"No," pink lips shaped the word before settling into a smirk that stretched across pale, rounded cheeks. Blue eyes regarded the girl with amused pity. Flicking blonde bangs out of her eyeline, Penny's reflection continued, "it's not." Slowing down, the HQ agent, reached a tentative hand out to her mirror image only to feel it flatten against a smooth, flat surface. The other Penny held the same pose.

A mirror. They spoke in conjunction, fear and joy swirling madly in twin sets of eyes. "You're in love with him.

* * *

The next day Kayla didn't say anything. She could tell by the look on Penny's face that she didn't need to. She only smirked at her friend in silence.

* * *

As Kayla stood, the entire room fell into silence. "So, I already know most of you aren't going to believe me, because usually these speeches are complete bullshit. Here's the thing though." Her dark eyes scanned the crowds haughtily, "I knew this was going to happen. I knew that this exact moment would occur, that I would be giving this speech, more than ten years ago. I wrote this exact speech when I was fifteen and the only things that have changed since the first draft are minor fixes to my grammar and tons and tons of added curse words. Because I fucking can, being a goddamn adult. I'm not a psychic or anything dumb like that, nor am I a genius like the _blushing_ bride sitting next to me." A smirk fell upon her face as she regarded her friend whose entire face had been consumed by red. "No, see, this beautiful, mature, adult woman and I were once teenagers, something everyone in the room can relate to. So you can't blame our teenage selves for spending our time doing things like taking purposefully terrible online quizzes for shits and giggles. There was one, the grammar was god awful, about who was your dream guy. I don't even remember what result I got. My result wasn't important compared to hers. I want to ask the audience what they think she got."

A tall, blonde man with a literal award-winning smile shouted out jokingly, "surfer bro!" A swift elbow to his side from his Asian wife caused the frenchman to chuckle through the pain as he bent over.

Another person that looked like a model followed up with a cry of "skater dude!" That earned laughter from her much shorter blonde companion. The air around the two guests was laced with unresolved sexual tension that Kayla bet would melt away after enough drinks and a shared hotel room.

A bouncy brunette waved her arm excitedly as a man that looked remarkably similar to her hid his face in embarrassment. "OOoo! Oooo! Comic book geek!" She cried out, whacking the man in the arm with a grin on her face as though she'd just drudged up some horrible secret of his in front of the crowd. The black woman thought she could see him telling his relative that there was nothing wrong with reading comic books.

"Her result," Kayla proclaimed, halting any other supposed answers, was misunderstood bad boy." This caused the groom to burst out laughing, almost falling out of his chair as the bride hid her face in her arms. "So I told her," the woman directed her eyes at the blonde with a grin, "that, on her wedding night, I would give a speech about that exact the moment because that was the moment that I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that she was going to marry Talon Claw, or should I say Talon Brown?"

* * *

A loud bang caused the teenage Talon to jolt back into a sitting position. Wiping at the drool that'd collected on his cheek, the boy glared at the wall the noise had come from.

"Talon! Have you finished those blueprints for my new tanks yet?" Called Dr. Claw's voice from the other side.

Regarding the desk he'd fallen asleep on, specifically the wet patch in the center of the blueprints he'd been working on, the teen huffed in frustration. "Almost!" He growled back loudly.

"Hurry up! Remember, you don't get food and out of that room until they're done!" The villain screeched before stomping away.

Talon picked up the pencil at the edge of the desk to continue his work. Lightly sketching a series of gears, the teen allowed himself to dwell on the strange dream he'd had. He'd married Penny, shed his last name and severed his ties with the family that'd broken him so thoroughly in the first place. Snorting, Talon ran a weary hand through his dirty hair. Like that was ever going to happen. The genius needed to focus on the blueprints. The sooner he got done the sooner he could shower.


	14. Porn

I was inspired by a review to write a really quick short one-shot on a very specific review I got. Sorry if you got excited thinking this was a bigger, more official update. I've got a couple more in the works. Whichever one I finish first will be up next.

This one's for you ksksks!

* * *

Title: Porn

Word Count: 509

Genre: Humor

Summary: Just sayin.

Rating: T for language

* * *

Talon yawned and slumped forward as he stared at his dash on tumblr. The evil genius ran a photography blog because he needed some kind of creative outlet in his fucked up life. Most of the pictures he posted were either of himself or his inventions and, not that he wanted to brag (which is a total lie, the teen loves rubbing his accomplishments in everyone else's faces) but he's pretty famous. Even his worst selfies still get thousands of notes which keeps him thankful for his good genetics. He and his uncle were at one of their tropical bases for the week when the boy genius decided to indulge himself with an impromptu photo shoot.

The Hispanic teen got some nice shots of the flora on the island, the ocean, and, naturally, himself. While he was shirtless in them, he made sure that none of his bigger scars were visible and the smaller ones covering his body were easily photoshopped out.

Clicking the new post button up in the corner, the teen began to upload his favorites from the shoot. He added a snarky pun to accompany the pics and then released his art to the world-wide web. A loud bang startled the boy out of his relaxed mood.

"Talon! MADcat is tearing up the furniture!"

"I told you to just make the furniture indestructible!" Talon yelled back.

"But she likes being able to ruin it!" The old man whined.

"Maybe, but we don't!" The teen genius spat as he left the room.

Some time later, the Hispanic boy returned to the computer with bandaids applied over the fresh claw marks running up and down his arms. Grumbling, Talon nonchalantly checked the progress of his post. Roughly two thousand notes had built up in the last hour and if was still going strong. After every post, the boy genius would get an influx of messages from anons. He liked to respond to anons, it made him more personable. He considered it practice for his councils with the people once he was Emperor of Earth. Most of them were the standard declarations of love, inquiries about his sexuality, and compliments galore. Of course there was also spam and hate. What really caught his eye was one message. It was an anon asking- or rather demanding to know- why he hadn't just pulled down his pants and stopped teasing the audience already. Half of his "shit" was already softcore porn as far as the anon was concerned and people looked at his pics with the intent of jerking off anyway. Talon stared dumbfounded at the screen before he began to laugh.

Typing up a quick response, the teen chuckled loosely. Posted to his dash, for all his followers to see, the genius' reply was nothing short of a master piece: succinct, eloquent,and right to the point. Without a doubt it was going to be some random high schooler's senior quote.

"If you want porn, go to a porn site. Ya dingus."

* * *

I pass these words on to you, ksksks.


	15. Internet Stalker

_Hey, Skier Swimmer, *wink*_

Sorry for another tiny update! This was also inspired by a comment so I whipped it out as quick as I could! The next actual shot should be ready soon, although I've got finals coming up so I could be entirely wrong. I've got fifty percent or so of it written.

Quick Comment resposnes!

Isa: No worries! I know the struggle of learning a second language. You're doing pretty good! Keep at it!

TheJadeArmada: Thanks for the compliments! I love drawing attention to Talon's Hispanic heritage because everything is so culturally white-washed on TV. Admittedly, I don't actually know if Talon is Hispanic because his accent is standard North American, his behaviors are standard North American, etc. I chose Hispanic because I have the most experience with that culture, being Hispanic myself, and because I thought his facial features leaned ever so slightly towards Hispanic rather than another ethnicity with a similar skin color. I can write that story for you, if you'd like, but I think it's always better for people to give writing a whirl themselves (and not just because I take forever and a day). This stuff's pretty fun when you don't have mountains of college work distracting you! If you end up writing it, I'd love to read it!

* * *

Title: Internet Stalker

Genre: Humor

Summary: Penny, you're being creepy.

Word Count: 563

* * *

Penny wasn't sure why she lazedly typed Talon's name into the search bar on Tumblr. It wasn't a conscious decision. She had barely realized she'd even done it after hitting enter. To her surprise, the agent was greeted with a list of results full of the boy who had been dancing in her subconscious. High quality photos of the teen covered the blue screen like a scrapbook collage put together by a professional stalker. A tiny part of her shrieked in delight at the idea of making a collage of the boy. She ignored it and instead focused on her serendipitous discovery. Alongside the many photos of him was a smattering of fanworks: there were pieces of poetry, drawings, gifs, short works of fiction, heavily photoshopped picture sets, and even some memes. Most were tagged TalonxReader which caused the agent to avert her eyes. Penny was afraid. The last thing she needed was to read some ridiculous story about "Y/N", the sheriff's niece, and Talon, the handsome bandito that flirted with her and pulled some wily trick on her in the meantime.

Instead, Penny focused on the usernames attached to the content, trying to find the original source. It seemed to be a photography blog with the handle _lens_me_some_cash_. She did not laugh at that pun. There was no evidence. No one could prove it.

Following the link to this user's page, the blonde lost any doubt that Talon was not the proud owner of this blog. There were too many puns for it not to be the evil genius. Without a second thought, she switched into agent mode and began to scour the blog for information on the evil organization. Comparing the locations and times of the posts with those of her run-ins with Talon, Penny realized that her arch nemesis wasn't dumb enough to give away his location on a tumblr blog. His pictures were organized randomly: photos she could tell were taken at the site of an arctic base from over a year ago had been uploaded just last week. If she were going to gain any information from this blog she'd need to keep a log of every Talon sighting (which she may or may not have already been doing mentally, but there just wasn't enough room in her brain to store all the necessary information). She would absolutely start to put this Talon-tracker together when she had some free time though. Kayla had given her a scrapbook set with glitter covered pages and three dimensional stickers for Christmas that she could use for it, because that's professional.

Instead, the blonde turned off her agent persona and skimmed through the pictures again, feeling every bit the internet stalker that she was. Penny really hated how attractive he was. Honestly, why couldn't he be an unfunny, dumb, butt-face of a completely average-looking teenage boy? It'd be so much easier to beat him stumbled upon his responses to comments people made and his charming wit was doing terrible things to her. Maybe she'd leave an anonymous troll comment, just to mess with him.

Or, Penny though as she froze in place at the sight of one particular photo of Talon, she could set this pic as her background and spend the rest of her off day scrolling through his blog. The blonde settled on the second option.


	16. Spaghetti (This Time w Extra Parmesan)

Back by popular demand! (I think? There were a couple reviews asking for this right?) It's more cheesy western fanfiction that I write while listening to cheesy western movie soundtracks and exercising my limited Spanish vocabulary! (One day I'll be fluent!) Got this one done faster than I thought I would. That's what I get for writing during classes I guess.

Skierswimmer: I do read a good chunk of the Talon/Penny fanfics, but I usually review as a guest because I'm just one of those people. I'm something of a grammar nazi and I'm so much harder on other people because it is easier to spot their mistakes that sometimes gratuitous spelling errors are enough for me to quit on a fanfic. My reviews end up sounding like English assignments because I'll talk about devices, plot structure, cadence, and other shit people just don't want to read about. Thanks for the recommendation though!

* * *

Title: More Spaghetti (this time with Extra Parmesan)

Genre: Western / Romance / Humor (at least I think I'm funny)

Summary: Because apparently one obligatory and unoriginal Western fic wasn't enough for you people.

Word Count: 2834

Rating: T (violence and language I think?)

* * *

The moment the caramel-skinned man walked into the sheriff's office, the blonde dropped the book she'd been reading and pulled the gun from her hip to aim directly at his smirking face. He wasn't scared. "What are ya doin' 'ere?"

"Penny!" chirped a grown man trapped outside the building by the Mexican's still body. "I met the most interestin' man tuhday! I'm not sure o' why, but he seems ta 'ave stopped in the doorway. Come n' meet 'im!" The girl narrowed her blue eyes before lowering her gun slightly while still leaving it in plain as a clear threat. The lanky, sunburned man that followed in behind the burglar looked delighted to see the young woman sitting at the desk. "Oh, yer right there! Ya must 'ave seen 'im enter then!" Waving a thin, canvas covered arm between the two supposed strangers, the Sheriff introduced Penny to the thief who'd played her for a fool. "This is Talon, he's a travellin' marchant. Apparently, he stumbled upon sum perdy importent information. Tell 'er, _mi amigo_!" However before the apparent merchant had a chance to start, Gadget chimed in once more, "he taught that word, in his language it means _friend_."

Her anger flared up again inexplicably and her fingers twitched around the gun still casually held in her hand. Forcing a smile, Penny asked sweetly, "really?"

The casual grin on Talon's face that had _no_ business being so goddamn attractive widened a fraction. "Yes," he served the English language with an artful seasoning of his accent- not too much to lose the words but enough to give the language a whole new flavor. It was delicious and Penny hated it. "While I was… selling mis productos yo- that is I- found some informacion muy interesante- at least for this town." His amber eyes sparkled as he looked down at the blonde who seemed to be pouting. Talon had always enjoyed teasing others but Interim Sheriff Penelope Brown was different. Messing with her was somehow exponentially more gratifying. "Have you heard of los espiritus fuegos?"

Penny had, of course she had. The woman wasn't some two-bit, booze chugging oldie who'd lucked into the job or used connections with old friends. She'd worked hard for her position and she more than deserved it- she was damn good. "A group o' bandits with a foundness fer a high bounty. Why?"

The Mexican strolled to a stiff wooden chair but seemed able to relax into it, molding himself to the furniture fluidly- like water. "Their route- como se dice- they come in este direccion. Tu pueblo, this town, is next." Staring each other down, the two youths challenged one another with their eyes. Without averting her blue orbs, the blonde politely asked her uncle to run back down the hill to their homestead and grab their guest a snack.

With the tall man gone, she picked up her gun again and pointed it at the intruder. "Why shud I believe you?"

"Pues, los espíritus y yo- nosotros no somos amigos." He lazily shifted to rest his arms over the back of the chair, opening his chest up and leaving him incredibly vulnerable. "Yo dudo que tenga que usar inglés. Yo se que eres demasiado inteligente para has empezado aprender mi lengua."

Penny's mouth screwed up to the side as she attempted to translate, "I doubt that I have ta use English. I know you…" her face flushed pink at his words, "I know yer smart enough ta have started ta learn my language." He grinned widely and any hint of the cool malice he'd been draped in disappeared under his smile.

"Bueno! Tu aprendes mur rapido! You learn fast, no more tests! As I was saying," his joy vanished as abruptly as it came. The detached, selfish bandito returned to talk business. "While I am un criminal, I do not steal from los inocentes. Usualmente, I steal from other criminals. Los espiritus, they have a lot of… como se dice… loot? Dinero, oro- eso tipo de cosas. Tambien, ellos son stupid. It is so easy to steal from them so I did it a lot. Como, _a lot_. After a while, I stole different stuff just to mess with them- the axles to one of their wagons, their belt buckles, one shoe de each pair de boots." The blonde fought hard to stifle her smile at the thought of hardened criminals stumbling around with their pants down and only one boot a piece, all jumping in fright as their wagon collapsed to the ground. "Anyway, I like to keep, uh, tubs? I keep tubs on them in case they get loot bueno y I heard them planning to storm este pueblo. They also quieren mi muerte- want me dead- entonces nosotros tenemos un enemigo común." His amber eyes were cold as he continued, "es mas facil, easy, to kill them first if I work contigo."

Penny stayed silent. Talon wasn't wrong. She was still hesitant to kill so many even though it was self defense. She had shot and killed someone before- you didn't live long out here if you were afraid to get your hands dirty- but never so many all at once.

The bandit apparently noticed her apprehension. "Lets hit that Saloon- tu sabes, the one you almost shot me in front of. You look like you need a drink."

Standing up, he held out a caramel colored hand to her. Something in Penny shook as her bright blue eyes drifted down from his gaze to the outstretched limb. She couldn't tell if it was nervous energy or excitement. Her fingers itched as she hesitantly lifted her hand to his. His grip was strong. Immediately a warm flush washed over her stomach as his fingers tightened around hers and he lifted her to her feet. The blonde wanted to know what this sensation was- so novel and simultaneously pleasant and excruciating- but Talon released her as soon as she had her balance, which was quite quickly. Curse her good reflexes. Without his touch, the intensity lessened, but the deputy could still feel a phantom of the warmth seared into her skin.

Whatever this was, how dare he do this to her. She was going to punch him later when they weren't planning to take on a team of ten men that would mutilate them given the slightest chance.

Her eyes followed his purple coated form as he made his way down the hill towards town. Tucking her pistol into her holster, the deputy set off after him. Penny wasn't worried about her uncle returning to an empty building with snacks. He got distracted easily and had likely forgotten their guest by now. Picking up her pace, the blonde fell into step with the man. She sent him a combination of a curious glance and a glare. He responded with a cool grin. This only made her want to punch him more.

So she did. The moment his molten gold colored eyes moved back to their path to the saloon, she pulled her arm back and rammed her fist into his bicep.

"Hijo de puta!" He exclaimed as he held his now bruising arm in his hand. "Porque?!"

"That was fer last time." The blonde replied flatly, a smirk tugging at her lips as she walked past him.

"Que?" Catching up to the deputy, the bandito glowered at the smug woman. "Pero, yo te dije antes! I told you!"

Seeing the criminal, usually so put together, whining, planted the seeds of laughter in her gut, ready to blossom as soon as she watered them with a little self-indulgence. There was an edge of humor in his tone that kept her smile on her face. Playful teasing between the two occupied them the rest of the way to the saloon.

As soon as she swung the thick, wooden doors open, the blonde was greeted with an excited cry from Von Slickstein. "Penelope! Herzlich willkommen! Who is your friend?"

Penny struggled to identify who he was to her. This is Talon, my friend? This is Talon, the mysterious man whose entirely too attractive face keeps showing up in my dreams? This is Talon, the bandito who tricked me, stole more money than I'll ever see in my entire life from right under my nose, and taught me Spanish?

"I'm Talon," the Mexican introduced himself, saving Penny from her inability to place him in a box and give him a label. "A travelling merchant. Nice to meet you." The two young adults sat down at the polished wood bar, casual smiles worn loosely and more comfortably than any other expression in two months. Penny had never felt more natural, like one of the paintings she'd she illustrations of in her books: a man and a woman in clothing that looked ridiculously uncomfortable as they lounged on some flower-spotted hills wine glasses held daintily in glove-covered hands. Granted, she and Talon sat in a saloon with dust and dirt covered cotton clothing to maximize mobility with hard liquor being delivered into their heavily calloused hands, but it was the mood that counted. The Hispanic man grinned over the lip of his cloudy glass and the blonde felt her heart skip a beat. This motherfucker needed to stop that right now or she would punch him again. Penny was trying to brood about the battle to the death she'd be participating in and here he was setting butterflies free in her stomach. "Quieres hablar?" He muttered after taking a sip of the amber liquid.

"Yeah, okay," she replied softly. "I just," the blonde paused as she mulled over her words, "I don't enjoy killin'. I know sometimes ya hav'ta but it's still terrible. I wish ya could just, I dunno, sing a song together er have a flexin' contest or court 'em or just somethin' other than killin'."

Her drinking mate's eyes sparkled as he turned to her with a wide grin. Penny had a slight suspicion that his third glass of liquor (when had he finished the first two?) was loosening the man up. "I will make you a promise," he declared as he set the empty cup down on the counter and waved away the redheaded man attempting to refill it once again, "I promise to flirt with every miembro de los epiritus and any that decide not to fight as a result, we will not kill."

Penny burst into laughter, "even the men?"

Talon shrugged dismissively, "claro, most of them are men, but that won't stop me. I will flirt con tan intensidad," he playfully slammed a fist on the counter to accompany his words. "I will be in history as _the hombre quien roba un mil corazones_!"

"The man who stole a thousand hearts?" The deputy sputtered before breaking into uncontrollable laughter. Apparently the liquor was loosening her up as well.

Talon beckoned Von Slickstein closer with a finger. "Escuchame, no, I mean, listen to me. This lovely lady and I are drinking because soon we will be in a rather high stakes shoot out with a group of bandits planning to raid this town. Please gather the townspeople and get them in a safe location. It'll probably be fine- we're both very good shots- but it's best to be careful with stuff like this. Last thing we need is a hostage situation." The ginger man nodded before rushing from the bar, leaving the two guns-people alone. "Pues," the Mexican began, "what will you do after this?"

Penny twirled the glass, blue eyes trained on the small pool of liquid sloshing about in the bottom. "I'll claim half the bounties o' the gang. Use it ta fund the school I'm workin' on puttin' togethur. I want ta increase literacy here. You?"

Humming thoughtfully, Talon traced the patterns twisting along the woodgrain with his amber eyes. "No se," he whispered lightly, a soft smile gracing his lips, "pienso que yo podría hacer muchas cosas. Yo puedo establecer una compañía criminal o robar algunos bancos o casarme a una mujer rica y robar su dinero y salir, o dejar de mi vida de crímenes y buscar por un trabajo como un profesor o algo cosa." His words were too fast for Penny to understand them but from what she could tell he had listed off only crimes. "After I claim my half of the bounty, of course." The blonde could tell by the smirk he wore that he knew she hadn't caught his words.

"Your English has improved," the deputy noted. A gunshot in the distance drew their attention. "What kind of idiot gives away their location during can attack?"

"I told you they were stupid," the man replied as he stood from the bar and pulled his two pistols from beneath his poncho. "Shall we?"

Penny replaced the glass in her hand with her gun- larger than either of Talon's and inspiring a small smirk. "Sure."

The two exited the wooden building with matching stony expressions. Her cold, blue eyes scanned the street, noting the approaching dust cloud. "They shoot from horseback?"

Talon snorted as he released the safeties on his pistols, "Pfft, no. Ellos no pueden shoot for shit. They'll get off before they get into town." She nodded and released her own safety. "You realize I'm going to flirt with all of them, like I promised, right?"

"Of course, I'm holding you to it," she responded easily.

"Bien, just making sure you wouldn't get jealous," he called back teasingly as he readjusted his poncho to allow for a greater range of movement.

"Oh no _darlin_'," the deputy relied just as cheekily, "I know ya wouldn't cheat on me." This apparently caught the bandit off guard as he froze in place for a moment. Before the blonde could gloat, she noticed a group of ten approaching them from the edge of town.

Clearing his throat, Talon stepped in front of the woman and shouted, "alguien quiere yo para un novio?" The strangers paused, confused. "Pienso que ellos parecen muy hermosos! Vamos salir en una cita!"

"No! Pendejo!" shouted one figure in the distance right before he caught a bullet between the eyes.

Talon lowered his smoking gun slightly and glanced back at Penny with tearful eyes. "He broke mi corazon!"

"You've still got nine more who haven't said no yet," the blonde offered playfully as she raised her gun and pointed it at the group. Another flipped them both off and she promptly shot him down. "Okay, eight." She knew she was supposed to feel terrible in that moment, taking lives, but being by his side somehow evened everything out.

* * *

No one had taken up Talon's offer of a date and a tiny part of Penny was glad. Not that she had killed but that he wasn't going on any dates anytime soon. The two stood in the bounty office, splitting the money evenly on the table in front of them. Glancing at the walls casually, Talon winced when he spotted one particular poster. The bold text read "LA GARRA -WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE- REWARD:" however he snatched it off the wall before she could spot the number. There was no picture attached; the deputy could only assume it meant that Talon was good at what he did.

"If I don't pay this off people are actually going to start looking for me seriously," he told her with a sigh, surprisingly tired eyes moving upwards to meet her own. His gaze travelled back to the wall behind her when an epiphany hit him. "Oi, how much more dinero do you need for your school?"

Penny frowned as she looked at the stack of cash in front of her. "_A lot_." Talon grinned with a wild light dancing in his eyes.

"How would you feel about accompanying me on a business trip?" He asked as he moved to pull another poster of the wall. "I'm thinking of visiting an old acquaintance, about business, of course." He set the paper down in front of her and her eyes darted to the bounty. The blonde grinned.

"Sounds lovely."


	17. Lawful

So this just kind of happened. One moment I'm chilling out, watching animal planet because I love cats and next thing I know it's past midnight and I'm finishing writing this.

* * *

Title: Lawful

Genre: Romance / Humor / DnD

Summary: I make so many DnD references in this that I'm sorry if you don't know anything about it. Seriously, I don't know if you'll be able to decipher this one if you aren't familiar with the core concepts.

Rating: T for language

Word Count: 1,946

* * *

Considering their jobs, the two had certainly been in stranger situations than the current one. If anything, this was par for the course. Almost Cliche. Penny was eye level with Talon's chin, scrutinizing the small pores and searching for any signs of acne. Any flaws, no matter how superficial, would make this whole crush-is-also-arch-nemesis-thing easier. Nothing. Later she would need to ask him what kind of facial care products he used… or actually she could probably ask him now, considering.

"I'm just saying," Talon spoke, his dark eyes narrowed as he glared down at her, "this would not have happened if you hadn't used an EMP on my goo gun."

Rolling her eyes, she sighed. "And how was I supposed to know that the goo you're constantly shooting everywhere would react this way to an electromagnetic pulse?"

It all started when Talon went for a sneak attack and abruptly appeared behind Penny, goo gun primed and ready to stop her movements. However the blonde had caught a wiff of his cologne and prepped an EMP on her Codex as a counterattack. The HQ agent spun around quickly with a smirk and triggered the pulse which cause the gun to explode and the pink glue flew everywhere. Apparently the slime was agitated by the Pulse because it swelled in size, completely swallowing the two teens, before beginning to shrink back to its original size. The goo dragged the two teens chest to chest and was constantly constricting, pushing them even closer.

"Valid argument, but you realize that now I _have to_ flirt with you until we're free and who knows how long that will take. I only have so many cheesy pick up lines." Talon said nonchalantly as he surveyed their imprisonment.

"Do you _really_ have to flirt with me though?" Penny asked dryly as she wiggled her arm and she tried to access her Codex.

"I really do. It's one of the rules of the unwritten rulebook for villains." Talon replied as he struggled to activate his gauntlet.

"Unwritten rulebook for villains?"

"Yeah," Talon said distractedly, his focus still on his gauntlet. "Because if the rules get written down then we'd be obligated to break them- being villains. So long as they remain unwritten, we follow them. You seriously do not want villains breaking the unwritten rules. Along with etiquette there's also rules about going after family members of rivals, namely that you don't, and general stuff about mass murder being a shitty thing to do."

Nodding, the girl's mouth twisted into a wry smile. "Yeah, that sounds pretty vital."

"I know it sounds like a joke," her nemesis rebuffed with a grave voice, "but the villain community takes it crazy seriously. You know why my uncle is ostracized from them?" He paused as he seemed to remember something. "Actually, I probably shouldn't be telling you this because you could totally use it against MAD but whatever because I really need to make this point. So pretty early on in his villain career he broke one of the biggest rules of the unwritten rulebook, which is you never try to fuck with the sun."

Penny's eyes widened. "He didn't actually try to…"

"He tried to track down James Isaac Neutron, the reason behind many of the unwritten rules. I've met him, by the way, and holy shit that guy- he makes the two of us look like people with average intellect. I'm actually hanging out with him later, no wait- my uncle, yeah." Talon gave up on his gauntlet and directed his to Penny. "My uncle tried to track down Jimmy but he's Jimmy so he found out first and captured my uncle instead. After interrogating him, Jimmy alerted the entire villain community of my uncle's stupidity which caused him to get blacklisted for life." The henchman paused before adding an afterthought. "Also, I feel the need to clarify that Jimmy isn't a villain and I really don't recommend trying to send HQ after him- that's basically a death wish. The guy is more of a true neutral, if we're going Dungeons and Dragons on the classification system."

"Noted." Penny replied as she finally abandoned her efforts to activate her Codex. After a second, she continued. "You're actually going to hang out with _the_ James Isaac Neutron? Also, before I forget, what face wash do you use?"

"Face wash is a Peruvian clay mask. Yeah, the dude is really cool. We tend to hang out a lot actually, along with another guy named Jack Spicer. We hop universes, build machines, watch dumb movies, infiltrate heavily armed bases to steal shit, play videogames together- normal stuff like that." Talon responded cooly.

"Jack Spicer? I think I've heard that name before." The blonde replied. She craned her neck to the side to try and get a crick out.

"He should be in your villains database." Talon shot back as he leaned out of the way. "Total lawful evil, loves robots and machines in general. Weird punk rock aesthetic despite being a complete dork. Fun to hang out with."

"You are really feeling the Dungeons and Dragons alignment thing today, huh?" Penny said while settling down.

"Actually, the Claw-Neutron-Spicer DnD night is coming up so it's been on my mind." Talon's eyebrows furrowed as he stared directly at his rival's nose. "Hell, I think it's tonight! Which means that Jimmy will open up a portal in a couple hours and should be able to set us free! I totally have enough bad pickup lines to last a few hours. Which reminds me, I'm supposed to be flirting with you."

"I swear if this is going to end up being related to DnD-"

"Hey girl, are those Paladin pants?" Talon interrupted. "Because you're looking Lawful Good in them!"

Penny just glared at him. "If my arms weren't trapped I would punch you."

"I hope you realize that I've got way more, specifically tailored for Lawful goods like you." Talon shot back.

"Is this hell?" The HQ agent wondered aloud.

"Roll d20 for perception." Talon replied with a grin.

An hour had passed and Talon had burned through most of his cringiest DnD pick up lines, which just left actual flirting. Run of the mill compliments built up to genuine appreciation for her as a human being that left her face flushed. Evidently, if given enough time to get all his cheesy garbage out of the way, Talon could be quite articulate. His words weaved around her, wrapping her in warmth that burned at the tips of her fingers and in her cheeks. The fact that she was incredibly attracted to the bad boy did nothing to deter the power of his charms. Their banter was witty, sarcastic yet heartfelt, and it just felt so natural. Penny couldn't stop herself from smiling.

"Seriously though," Talon spoke as a playful grin stretched out his lips, "after I switched out the pistons in the cylinder, the battle tank ran like a dream."

Okay so maybe talking about this kind of thing wasn't normally considered all that romantic or even interesting, but she was a nerd. Sue her. Between the close proximity and the genuinely interesting conversation, the mood was set. This is one of those moments where her life abruptly transitioned into a 2D cartoon where she and Talon had red hearts for pupils and stereotypical violins played in the background. Evidently Talon was feeling the same way because he abruptly leaned in for a kiss, closing the already miniscule distance between them.

The blonde had been enjoying their liplock when the henchman violently pulled away, face bright red and an angry confused look in his eyes. "Why didn't you stop me?!" He almost shouted in alarm as he struggled frantically, trying to increase the distance between them.

Penny, still submerged in her endorphins high from the kiss, just shrugged absentmindedly.

"You can't just shrug! You're supposed to be the one with a moral compass here! You're the lawful good heroine! You play by the rules and protect the planet simply because it's the right thing to do! If you end up a neutral good, or, Savras forbid, a chaotic good then- fuck, we'll probably just end up making out until my friends get here which would just be really awkward when they walk in on us." Talon rambled as he looked everywhere but at the girl in front of him.

"You're such a lawful evil," Penny responded with a smile.

"What?!" The henchman finally directed his dark eyes to her own bright blue ones. "I am a motherfucking Neutral Evil. I don't limit myself to order nor chaos- I strive for pure evil, plain and simple."

"A neutral evil wouldn't even blink at what just happened. You're totally a lawful evil." Talon just turned his head away and pouted. Penny laughed. "A neutral evil wouldn't put up with your uncle the way you do."

Talon opened his mouth to respond but stopped before releasing whatever comment was bubbling in the back of his throat. Frowning, he let out a sigh. "I've got to overhaul my character. Damn."

Smiling jovially, the blonde replied smoothly. "We've got time."

By the time a glowing green portal appeared near them, the two had worked out not only Talon's character, a lawful evil rogue, but also to make one for Penny (because why not), a neutral good mage. A loud, rather high-pitched voice shouted from the other side of the portal. "TALON! Jimmy is making fun of my cheer bots again!" This was immediately followed by a teen with blood red hair and snow white skin emerging from the glowing rip in spacetime. His eyes immediately fell on his friend, trapped with a girl he had never seen. "Uh, hi? Are we interrupting something?"

A taller teen with brunette hair that defied gravity followed him out, noticing the conjoined rivals. "Ah, been there before," he said calmly. "Also with a blonde, curiously enough."

"EMP agitated the goo," Talon called out. "Mind helping us out? Oh, also, this is Penny."

Jack's red eyes widened in surprise as he stared directly at the girl. "_The_ Penny?"

"I assumed," Jimmy said as he tapped something into his watch.

"You talk about me?" Penny asked with a smirk.

Talon just looked at her flatly. "Duh. Like you don't talk to Kayla about me." The blonde narrowed her eyes at him.

"He does have a point," Jimmy said as he pointed his watch at the slime wrapped around his friend. "Anyway, want to join us for DnD night? Dexter keeps saying no and Double D ditched us for college homework."

"We'd have to waste time making her a character though," Jack whined as he waited for Talon to be freed.

"Actually," the henchman piped up as he directed his gaze to the redhead, "we've been here long enough to end up making her a DnD character."

"Peneloppe of Heath's Quake," the blonde chimed in with a grin.

"Lawful good?" The robots maniac asked with one dark eyebrow raised.

"Neutral good," Talon replied with a sigh. "We made some discoveries earlier today. She's a neutral good whereas I am actually a lawful evil."

"Told you," Jimmy called out as his watch emitted a beam that evaporated the goo encasing the teens. "No neutral evil has the loyalty to put up with your insane uncle."

"This should be fun." Penny observed as the two visitors exited through the portal, waiting for the rivals to follow.

"I vote we make out in a closet during one of the intermissions." Talon declared.

"Yup," the blonde murmured as she followed him through the portal. "_Super_ fun."


	18. Birthday Surprise

So, remember chapter 9, "Happy Birthday"? This one is a follow up on that. Coincidentally enough, for a certain someone's birthday (assuming I upload this in time).

Happy birthday anonymous! Glad to hear that you're doing better and thinking about posting your own stories and poetry! Tell me when you do because I'd love to read them! The situation with you father sounds pretty volatile so it's good that you're finding a way to express yourself even during hard times. I wish you the best of luck with your writing, your family, and everything else you've got going on. I've been sitting on the idea for this story for a while but I didn't start writing it until I got your reviews a few days ago.

* * *

Title: Birthday Surprise!

Genre: The Usual (Some Angst / Some Humor / Some Romance)

Summary: Sequel to #9 Happy Birthday. This was not a welcome surprise for Talon.

Word Count: 4405

Rating: T for language and mentions of death and violence

* * *

It was that time of year again. Talon grimaced as he double checked his inventory once more, making sure he had everything he would need to ensure his survival of his birthday. He'd made sure not to skimp on soundproofing materials this year. With five layers of soundproofing mixed with his solid steel walls, the birthday boy would be able to ignore the outside world and pretend he was somewhere peaceful- like prison. He was extremely comfortable pretending that he was in solitary confinement at a maximum security prison during his birthday. There'd be less death around him if it were true. Walking over to his oxygen tanks, the teen frowned. He was short. Jotting down a quick note on his gauntlet, the evil genius skimmed the rest of his list. He just needed to grab a few hundred more oxygen tanks and he should be good.

"I'm going on a run for supplies," he told a nearby henchman as he started walking to the hangar. "I should be back in a few hours tops. If not, send help. I might be dead." Talon's tone was joking but both he and the henchman knew just how likely that outcome was. He pulled his motorcycle helmet off the wall next to the door to the vehicle bay. "I'm taking my hoverbike." With a weary sigh, the teen approached his pride and joy, his favorite invention, his baby: a black, glossy exterior with purple racing stripes and enough weapons to take out the moon hidden in every nook and cranny of what looked like a regular motorcycle set the vehicle apart from the bulky humvees that surrounded it. She was a thing of beauty.

Talon pulled the helmet on over his ungelled hair as he straddled the powerful machine. The visor flashed green for a second as it performed a retinal scan, assuring the bike that it's proper owner was on board. A small needle protruded from one of the handlebars and the teen wasted no time in guiding it to a matching hole in his gauntlet directly over one of the veins in his wrist. Pushing his wrist onto the needle, the processors in his bike recognized the DNA in his blood as his own and finally allowed the bike to turn on. The teen might've been overly cautious on the safety measures of his bike. Talon believed his paranoia was justified considering his living situation. A quick twist of the handle triggered the ignition as powerful jets of air pushed the bike off the ground and the tires turned so their rims faced towards the ground. The main jets kicked in then as the rubber of the tires receded to reveal shining purple lights that _might've_ been inspired by Tron. Not that Talon would ever admit it. Leaning forward, the evil genius led the machine out the opening hangar doors and into the open air. A quick scan of the frozen wasteland around him assured the boy that he was alone outside the Arctic MAD base. Flipping a few switches, he grinned as he heard his bike's engine roar to life. With that he and his hoverbike rocketed out into the desolate loneliness of the arctic circle.

It took him roughly thirty minutes to approach the border of the closest populated country, Greenland. Talon slowed down as he neared a city, confident he'd be able to -_ahem- procure_ the necessary oxygen tanks. Although, he could really go for a snack first. Dropping his bike down low to an empty road, the evil genius turned off the hover engine and let the vehicle fall down onto it's reemerged tires. The loud squeal of rubber meeting asphalt gave the teen a moment of pleasure before he settled back into a serious facade. Pulling into the parking lot of a local cafe, the henchman enabled the security protocol on his bike and walked in.

"Aluu," he called out as he passed through the door. (Hello)

"Tikilluarit," responded the girl at the cash register, her visor pulled down low so it covered most of her face. Talon ignored her in favor of glancing up at the menu. (Welcome)

"Qanoq akeqa-" He stilled as he felt something wrap around his neck. _Why today of all days?_ They were putting pressure on his carotid artery and he was quickly losing consciousness. If whoever was trying to kidnap him succeeded, both he and his kidnapper would likely be dead come tomorrow. His eyes fell to the girl at the cash register only to realize she had moved. So she was the one strangling him. Whoever she was, this stranger was highly skilled for her to have moved without him hearing her. Shame she was going to get caught in the crossfire of his birthday luck. Right as his vision began to fade, he noticed a pair of stunningly bright blue eyes move in front of him.

Talon gasped for air as he sat up and observed his surroundings. He was in some kind of medical bay. It was fairly nice but looked a little old, like it had been cutting edge five years ago and hadn't been updated since. Right as he was about to slide stealthily from the bed, the door to his room slid open. His dark eyes widened at the sight of the last person he wanted to see this close to his birthday.

"What am I doing here?" He asked angrily, trying to use his rage to cover up the fear he felt upon seeing the figure. A tug at his arms revealed he'd been handcuffed to the bed. "I can't be here!" He yelled, desperation seeping into his tone. Why in the world had Penny brought him here?

The blonde frowned, surprised at how volatile her rival seemed to be. "Talon, calm down. You're going to be okay. I brought you here to help you. This is an old HQ Med facility. A few years ago a server reboot caused the computers to lose the files about this place so the organization effectively forgot it existed. I found it buried deep in the servers, after last year when you told me about your birthday. I spent the last year rigging it up to help you make it out alive. Consider it my birthday present to you. I'm going to help you make it through this." She felt confident. A smile was tugging at her lips as he stared at her dumbfounded.

"You're going to die!" He suddenly shouted as he resumed frantically pulling at his chained arms. "This is a terrible idea! You don't understand! Any outsiders that get involved in a Claw birthday don't make it out unscathed! Do you have any idea how many henchmen have become collateral damage because they got hit by stray bad luck during my uncle's or my own birthday?! You need to get out, now!"

"Talon," Penny hissed as she approached him, her own frustration bubbling. "You've got to be kidding me."

He paused to look her dead in the eyes. She could tell with a single glance at the hardened look taking over the brown irises how serious he was. "Leave."

"You'll di-"

"I know." Talon responded immediately. "You need to get out. You can't die because of me."

Penny growled as she marched up to the teen to angrily poke him in the chest. "I don't plan on dying. I'm going to survive your birthday and so are you."

"You don't even believe me about my birthday! You don't understand the danger-" She silenced him by pressing a finger to his lips.

"I did my research. I followed your family through history and looked at birthdates and found that many catastrophes occurred at the time and place of a Claw birthday. You distant aunt's birthday caused the Titanic, your grandfather was caught in 9/11 during his birthday, your great great uncle was in Hiroshima during his birthday in 1945. Believe me, I know and I understand." Penny's confident answer effectively drained the fight out of the boy.

"Awesome, so you know," he spoke slowly and preemptively nodded, "which means you'll leave."

"Not a chance in hell," the blonde responded casually.

"What if I said please?" Talon asked, ready to beg on his knees for her to leave him to die.

"With a cherry on top?" the agent teased with a smirk.

Her rival just groaned in response as he dropped his head into his hands. "This is serious, Penny."

"I know," she said as she sat at the foot of his bed. "It's weird having you be the serious one for once. Where are all of your terrible puns, one-liners, and dramatic pauses?"

"You know what, I think I left them in my other jacket. Think you could get it for me? It's on the other side of the planet. If you could just be a dear and-" He replied with all the sass he could muster (also known as, _a lot_).

"Ha ha," the blonde laughed dryly as she stood back up. "Look, we're doing this whether you like it or not. We're going to approach this problem the way we would any other."

"You mean by constantly living in denial and pretending the problem doesn't exist? Burying any and all insecurities under a front of false confidence and hoping to whatever deity or god or lack thereof that supposedly pulls on the strings of fate that no one will notice how vulnerable you really are underneath?" He asked in an overly enthusiastic voice.

"The scientific method!" Penny declared proudly, completely ignoring the teen.

"Oh my Darwin, we're both going to die." Talon grumbled as he buried his face in his palms.

"Maybe with that attitude," the girl teased before leaving the room to finish her preparations for tomorrow, March 3rd.

It was roughly 8 PM and the two teens were both sitting on the hospital bed, curled up in a heavy periodic table quilt Penny had received for her birthday last year. They were watching some dime a dozen cop show on Netflix, making endless snarky remarks over the program. Talon had more or less settled down. He was still handcuffed to the bed and he was still positive they were doomed, but at least he'd stopped insisting she leave.

"Not going to lie, this isn't a bad way to go," he spoke softly as they stared with disinterest at the car chase on the screen. For them, a car chase was as commonplace as breakfast- not too fascinating to be honest.

"Gee, thanks," Penny replied as she tugged a little more on the corner housing Hydrogen that was draped over her shoulder.

"Yeah, I always thought I wanted to die in a free fall from the stratosphere, the view, the wind rushing past, the inevitability, the adrenaline," Talon trailed off before glancing at the girl. "But this is good too. Oxytocin is a more than acceptable substitute for adrenaline. Who'da thought I go out in some not entirely voluntary suicide pact?"

"You know I don't have to share this blanket," the blonde pointed out.

"But the noble gases are keeping me so warm!" The boy whined as he ran his hand lovingly from Helium to Xenon.

"That so? Then why don't you do me a favor and Sulfur Helium Uranium Tellurium Uranium Phosphorous?"

"Shute up?" Talon asked with a grin.

"You know what I mean." Penny replied fighting down the smile that was slipping onto her lips and keeping her eyes trained on the screen in front of them.

"Mmmm, Sodium," the evil genius replied as he returned his attention to the show.

"Ha ha," Penny laughed dryly.

"Quick question, how do you want to die?" He asked this as casually as a neighbor would for a cup of sugar.

"I don't," was Penny's immediate response. The two sat in silence for a moment before she continued, "but this isn't too bad."

"Thank you, Oxytocin." Talon declared.

"Quite the convenient hormone," the HQ agent agreed.

A few episodes before they hit the season finale, the teens ended up falling asleep snuggled into one another. They made it all the way into March 3rd without incident until around 4 AM. While asleep the two managed to untangle from one another and a little after 4 in the morning, Talon fell off the bed, completely separated from Penny. Within moments the television they'd been watching Netflix on burst into flames. Both awoke quickly, already alert and prepared to deal with the problem, having been trained for situations like this.

"Why is the TV on fire?!" The blonde cried out as she scrambled to grab a fire extinguisher from the corner of the room.

"I told you about the spontaneous combustion stuff, didn't I?" Talon replied sassily as he chucked a towel over the fire and tried to smother it. "It must've started. What time is it?" No one bothered to linger on when exactly he'd freed himself from the cuffs.

As the HQ agent sprayed the flames with the foam, she shot a quick glance at her watch. "4:13," she responded. The bright light in the room faded as the fire finally went out. Glancing at her rival, she found the Hispanic teen staring at her incredulously.

"What?" He asked again.

"4:13- or, 4:14 now." She replied, not entirely sure why he seemed so confused.

"Normally the incidents start right at midnight. I've never slept in so long on my birthday." He muttered as he began to pace. "What could possibly-" Talon froze and raised a suddenly shaking arm to his face. "S-st-st-t-trrr-oooa-"

"Stroke!" Penny shouted in realization as she ran to the console on the wall to order a stroke treatment protocol and then returned to Talon's side. She pulled him into her arms to direct him back to the hospital bed. When she leaned back to look at him, Talon seemed bewildered but healthy.

"I was about to have a stroke," he muttered as he flexed his arms and found none of the characteristic arm weakness.

"Huh," the blonde mumbled and stepped back from his bed, finally letting go of him. Immediately his arm flopped back down to the bed and half his face drooped. Terrified, Penny rushed back to him, cradling his face in her hands as she tried to get a better look at the drooping. However as soon as she touched him his face seemed to pull back into shape. Frowning, she examined his face closely, looking for any signs of drooping or some kind of sick prank. "If this is some kind of joke," she warned, glaring at him.

"Yeah," Talon spat bitterly, "because this is _so _funny. I would love for the very real likelihood that I'm about to have a stroke to all be an elaborate prank. I can finally become a prank youtuber, man can you imagine the views? Stroke Prank Gone Wrong Gone Sexual," he said with a spiteful laugh, "I'm going to rake in that sweet ad revenue."

"So if this isn't a prank," the girl muttered as she redoubled her efforts to find some kind of symptom or clue on his face, "why do you keep experiencing the symptoms for sudden and brief intervals."

"Dependent variable," Talon announced as he focused his gaze on her eyes, "my suffering from a medical problem I'm way too young and healthy to be experiencing. Take stock of all other variables. Find out which are controls and which one is our independent." The two analyzed every facet of their environment.

"Everything in here is a control. I can't figure it out," Penny lamented as she pulled her hands back to rest them on her hips. "What's different?"

"Y-y-y-yyyy-yoo-" Talon stuttered out as his face began to droop again. Panicking, the blonde began to draw away to reach for the stroke equipment that'd dropped from the ceiling. Giving up on speaking, the evil genius allowed himself to fall to the side, dropping his head onto Penny's back. Breathing out a sigh of relief, the Hispanic teen felt himself regain muscle control and buried his face further into his rival's back. "I figured out what it is," he called out to the frozen-stiff girl.

"What?" she asked, curiosity overtaking her surprise at the sudden contact.

"It seems like my symptoms cease when we touch," he growled out, unsatisfied by how unscientific it all seemed.

"That makes no sense," Penny said reproachfully.

"I know," Talon replied sadly, "but neither does the original predicament. Anyway, it might explain why nothing happened until 4 AM."

"How?" Penny asked curiously as she maneuvered herself to his bedside, keeping constant contact with him.

"We were touching when we fell asleep and probably stayed that way until 4, because when I woke up, I was on the ground beside the bed. For some reason, physical contact seems to negate more than just the stroke. Even other unlucky events outside my health seem to have been prevented while we were asleep." He explained, becoming more and more frustrated with himself as he spoke. "What kind of illogical reality is this?! The unluckiness was bad enough but now it's apparently neutered if I maintain skin contact with specifically the girl of my- a specific girl?!"

"Weather used to appear illogical until meteorology. Even the most mysterious phenomenon can be broken down and explained piece by piece according to science." Penny pointed out.

"The clockwork universe," Talon agreed, nodding his head. "Check your free will at the door," he joked.

"Maybe not the happiest of theories but not without basis," the blonde countered. "Anyway, before we get into an argument about cosmology and the nature of all things-"

"String theory!" the evil genius exclaimed suddenly before motioning for her to continue.

"We should probably figure out what we're going to about this whole if-I'm-not-touching-you-you-have-a-stroke thing."

"Netflix and chill? Except literally, instead of the figurative idiom popularly used to suggest intercourse. Or rather, not literally, as we won't literally be chilling ourselves temperature-wise but we will be relaxing, a verb which to chill is considered a synonym." Talon suggested.

Penny stared at him briefly before tilting her head to the side. "You really enjoy listening to yourself talk, huh?"

"Oh, absolutely," the boy replied sincerely, "you should hear me sing."

"We've got plenty of time," she said flatly, trying to convey a joking tone.

"I know the entirety of Beethoven's Symphony No. 3," Talon immediately declared, sitting up a little straighter.

"Isn't that the one that's 56 minutes lo-" The blonde was caught off as her rival abruptly began singing the allegro con brio.

* * *

"I can't believe you just sang the entirety of Beethoven's Symphony No. 3 for an entire 56 minutes." Penny declared after Talon faded out on the final note.

"In E-flat major," the evil genius said proudly, his voice a little strained after what he'd just done.

"You really didn't need to do that," the blonde said, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice.

"You asked for it," the henchman replied easily.

"No, I actually didn't." Tilting her head to the side, the HQ agent was pretty sure she'd remember asking him to sing the orchestra piece. If she had, she would've spent the past 56 minutes berating herself for the request.

"It felt like you did," Talon teased, "I could see it in your eyes."

"Ah," Penny said dryly. "No wonder you put so much effort into it."

"Anything for you, Pen," the boy responded with a grin. "Now how about some Netflix?"

"Only if it's a rebooted cartoon from a beloved 80 franchise of passable but somewhat lackluster quality." The blonde replied as she sat down on the bed next to him and pressed her side hard into his- to make sure he was safe, that he wasn't going anywhere, and that he wouldn't die today. If it set off a flurry of butterflies and moths and bees and humming birds and -Holy Bill Nye- is that a bald eagle in her stomach, then that was just a happy coincidence. A happy coincidence that would be fueling her dreams for the next few months probably.

"Bonus points if it's a Netflix original?" Talon asked.

"Duh," Penny sang as they turned on the other TV screen mounted on the wall, the one that hadn't been incinerated by the birthday curse.

After four episodes, the evil genius spoke up during the credits. "Real talk?" He said softly. They both knew it was rhetorical. "This is the best birthday I've ever had."

"I mean," the blonde said with a forced chuckle, "considering what you've told me about all the others, it wasn't exactly like you had a lot to choose from."

"I know," Talon responded. His voice was just a notch above a whisper. Hearing it without the usual layer of cocky, obnoxious playfulness somehow changed the entire cadence. His voice sounded so much sweeter, safer, and even more attractive when he wasn't shouting puns from across a battlefield. "But even if I didn't have this curse," his gaze remained fixed to the screen as 3D models flailed through wacky cartoon antics. "Even if I celebrated my birthday like a normal person, spending time with family," he paused as he seemed to mull over the idea of actually spending time with his family. "This one, one that I spent with you doing practically nothing, would still be my favorite."

Penny didn't know how to respond to that. Rolling around words on her tongue, trying to figure out what to say, she glanced at the boy. "We can get a cake tomorrow?" she suggested.

His eyes sparkled as he turned to face her. "I know some kids in Cleveland, pretty evil- fans of enslavement, brainwashing, and a strict social hierarchy based on age. They have _the best_ cake. _Seriously_, their mansion gets raided every year on their birthday by rebel organizations because the cake is just that good. I'll see if they can't hook us up!"

"Their birthday? As in singular birthday for plural people?" The blonde wondered.

"Oh, yeah. They're a hive mind so, you know." His face lost all emotion as he stared blankly at her. "_Speaking monotonously in unison, constantly expressionless, always standing like they're conjoined at the hip._" A smile overtook his face after he finished speaking. "That kind of thing."

Penny squinted as she observed her rival. "You're surprisingly well connected in the villain world. I had no idea there were any functioning hive minds, let alone hive mind villains."

"Mmm, yeah. They're pretty unique. Just, make sure you act like a teenager around them. Maybe even layer a few stereotypes on top of the normal stuff. They respect teenagers and adults. It's other children that they prey on." Talon warned.

"That's," the HQ agent stared at him with wide eyes, "actually kind of frightening."

"Their father is made out of fire," the evil genius quipped with a grin.

"You're joking, right?"

"You'll meet him when we hit them up for cake," Talon replied easily as he returned his attention to the screen. Penny stayed snuggled into his side, even as she focused her thoughts on what a being made entirely out of fire could look like. "Are we going to be doing this every year?" His question pulled her out of her daze as she glanced back to him.

"You mean sit in an abandoned hospital and watch Netflix in order to prevent you from having a stroke?" She asked, trying to tease him.

"Yes. Exactly." He was completely serious, "because I don't think I'm going to be able to go back to what my old birthdays were like after this. I _will_ abduct you and _literally_ conjoin us at the hip if it means I never have to experience another birthday again."

"No need," she said with a laugh, "I volunteer as tribute." Ignoring Talon's quick mutter about how old that joke was, she continued. "Next year I'll even bring you a real present."

"What are you talking about?" The Hispanic teen tilted his head to the side in confusion like a puppy, or a kitten. Honestly, the Claw family had some very cat-like attributes. "You already got me probably the greatest gift ever given. I get to not die! It's _awesome_!" The genuine smile that took over his face loosed butterflies in her stomach.

"Yeah? Well, next year you can not die and also get something else too- like a pony." She joked.

"I'll name him Twilight Sparkle-" Talon began.

"No," Penny started, devastated.

"I'll brush his mane every morning and night," the teen continued as a wide grin absorbed the smile from earlier. "I'll sing him songs like-"

"Talon, I swear to all the deities that neither of us believe in-" Penny tried again.

"AaaaaaAAaaaaaaAAAAAaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA MY LITTLE PONY!" He essentially shouted the theme song, rather than sing it. The blonde clasped her hands over her ears even as she fought to smother her laughter. His voice lowered to a regular volume as he spoke the next line. "I used to wonder what friendship could be."

"Friendship is being thrown a surprise party against your will that you are then forced to attend," the HQ agent supplied as she motioned to the handcuffs hanging loosely from the bed frame.

"What?! We're only friends? Did I just get friendzoned? On my birthday?!" Talon cried out overdramatically.

"Psh, the friendzone isn't even a real thing." Penny replied as she tried to return her attention to the TV.

"Your face isn't even a real thing," Talon mumbled as he grabbed the periodic table quilt and pulled it snuggly over both of them.

The two got lost in watching a series of random things on Netflix until a beeping noise from Penny's codex caught the attention of both teens. Tapping on the module, a blue screen shone in the room revealing the time to be 12:00 AM March 4th. With a grin, she glanced at the stunned henchman who had his arm casually wrapped around her shoulders hours ago.

"Surprise! We're alive!" She announced.

Staring at her silently for a moment, Talon decided to return the favor. Dropping his head down, he stole a kiss.


	19. Caesar

Been sitting on this one for a while because I keep forgetting to upload it.

* * *

Title: Caesar

Genre: The Usual (Angst/Comedy/Romance?)

Summary: Trying out another origin story for Talon. This one is my favorite so far and is probably going to be the one I'll be operating under. What can I say? I like making sad dorks.

Rating: T for sad stuff and curse words

Word Count: 4,304.

* * *

The moment the tall man walked into the lobby, the air grew frigid. A plump, dark-skinned woman clutching a clipboard to her chest stumbled forward to meet his cold stare. "Excuse me," she spoke softly, "are you Mister-"

"Yes." He interrupted her as he raised a hand to silence her. "Take me to him."

Swallowing a nervous gasp of air, the woman led the intimidating stranger down a hall with brightly colored finger paintings framed and hanging on the walls. She glanced back at him curiously before averting her eyes to the clipboard. "We, uh, we first noticed about a month ago. He'd taken one of the toy trucks that was donated to us- just a simple plastic thing and he had it motorized the next morning. We think he used parts from a toaster we'd thrown out a few days before." She paused as she spotted one of the framed paintings. At first glance it looked like random lines of paint smushed into the paper by a small finger. However, recently she had been told it was probably an early blueprint for the combustion engine the child had made.

"And how old is he?" The man's question shocked her out of her reverie.

"Oh, um, he's about three and a half years old," she answered. "After the thing with the toy car, we brought in some researchers to have him tested- his IQ is off the charts, incredible spatial awareness. He could be the next Einstein." The man stayed silent as they continued down the hallway. "Without a doubt, he is a genius." She too fell silent after a moment.

"How does he do with taking orders?" The man broke the uncomfortable silence after an indefinite amount of time.

"He's rather social, if that's what you're asking about. He makes friends easily, is quite popular with the other children. Surprisingly well adjusted considering he's-"

"But how does he do with authority?" The man cut her off again.

"We, uh, we never have any problems with him disobeying. He has a tendency to be a bit mischievous but never malicious." The man hummed as they approached a clear glass door. "Oh, that's him, over by the tire swing."

Outside, amongst a large throng of children, was a small Hispanic child. He laughed giddily as his small, caramel-covered hands gripped the rope of the tire swing while two older children spun the recycled wheel round and round.

"Caesar!" A familiar voice cried out. The boy turned his head to find the woman who had cared for him as long as he could remember standing next to a tall man he'd never seen before. Caesar jumped from the swing and ran to the woman.

"Hola senora Morales!" He replied in excitement as he approached.

"Does he know any English?" The man asked with a sneer.

"Yes, he's almost fluent. He just prefers Spanish," the woman answered before looking down to the boy. "Ven conmigo, Caesar." The child followed the two adults back inside.

After a few hours and many papers being pushed in front of the tall man, Caesar left the only home he had ever known, walking slowly behind the stranger. "Eres mi padre nuevo?" He asked as he looked up to the dark figure.

"Rule number one," the man spat as he glared down at the child, "you will not speak Spanish around me."

Caesar's mouth screwed to the side as he frowned. "Are you my new father?"

"No," the man replied, "you can consider me… your uncle. Which reminds me, Caesar is a terrible name for a henchman. From now on your name will be… Talon. Talon Claw."

Talon's frown deepened. He'd liked the name Caesar.

* * *

Talon huffed out a tired sigh as he stared down the 24 year old teacher in training. Honestly, was she messing with the six year old or honestly just this stupid?

"Talon, sweetie," she said softly, annoyance barely held out of her own tone, "everyone has parents. You can't just not make a mother's day card." His eyes narrowed at her. "Look, I know you were adopted, but that is no excuse. The people who adopted you are still your parents. Imagine how sad your new mom will be if you don't make her a mother's day card."

Talon had fought his uncle tooth and nail to earn the right to attend school. The man had wanted him in the base, doing grunt work and building machines 24/7, but a hunger strike proved effective and Talon got to go to the local kindergarten school near the hidden mansion. This woman wanted him to waste his hard-earned learning time disfiguring colored paper for the sake of a woman who didn't exist.

"I don't have any parents! No woman adopted me!" He tried to clarify, struggling to communicate with the woman. Most of his conversations for the past three years had consisted of questions like "where are the phillips head screws?" and "can I go to sleep yet?" His already limited English vocabulary had shrunk somewhat since he left the orphanage.

"Oh! A gay couple adopted you?" The teacher asked in surprise. She muttered something under her breath words he didn't understand but could easily hear the disgust laced within them. "I'm already on probation with the school after the incident with Miss and Miss Johnson, filthy carpet-ea-" she paused abruptly as she remembered the presence of the child. "Anyway, just make a card for your fathers about how you're okay that you've got two dads and no moms which is completely against God's wishes and just, yeah." She pushed the colored paper and glitter glue towards the six year old.

"Mujer estupida!" Talon exclaimed as he shoved the craft supplies off the desk. "I legally have no mother or father! I only have an uncle! I'm not making a mother's day card for my uncle!"

"Uncle?" The teacher in training seemed even more lost as she tilted her head to the side. "Weren't you adopted?"

"Yes," Talon groaned as he ran his small hands through his dark hair. "The man who adopted me told me to call him uncle. So, according to the government, I have no parents."

"Oh." The woman muttered and backed away, seemingly put off by this new information. There was pity swirling in her eyes that Talon was too tired to deal with. Heaving out one more tired huff, just to really make sure the point was made, the boy settled down in his tiny plastic chair and pulled the algebra textbook he'd been reading closer so he could resume his work.

* * *

Pushing the shopping cart along in front of him, the seven year old boy stood on the tips of his toes to try and see the products on the shelf just out of his reach. At the other end of the aisle, two women entered and, upon spotting the small child, giggled. They quickly approached with matching smiles.

"Do you need some help?" Asked one as she handed her basket to the other.

"Yes, please. I'm looking for peanut butter," the boy answered as he moved his cart out of the way. "Whichever one has the least amount of sodium, please."

"Where's your mom?" asked the other as the first started to spin peanut butter jars around to look at the nutritional information.

"I don't have one," Talon responded flatly, tired out being asked this question over and over again. Both women froze as they looked at the child.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did she-" the first began as the other returned to nervously looking at the jars.

"No, I never knew her. She dropped me off at the orphanage when I was just a baby," Talon cut her off, knowing how people tended to fumble with the idea of his mother dying. They could never just say it outright. It wasn't like they hadn't seen it a hundred times before in Disney movies.

The two women looked at one another, having a nonverbal conversation before turning back to the boy. Handing him a jar, one of them spoke. "My wife and I have actually been considering adopting." Their hands wrapped together as they smiled down at the boy. "Could you tell us which orphanage you live in? We'd love to stop by."

"Oh," this had thrown him. Nothing like this had ever happened before. He didn't understand why they were acting like this. Where was the ulterior motive? "No, I was already adopted from an orphanage in Mexico. The man who adopted me told me to call him my uncle so I, uh, yo no puedo tener algunos padres porque la sistema legal." As his speech grew more frantic the boy felt himself slip into Spanish, a language neither of the two women understood. "Y, de todos modos, yo voy a ir ahora. Adios!" He cried out as he ran down the aisle, away from the women, gripping the jar of peanut butter to his chest and abandoning the rest of his groceries.

What kind of con were they trying to pull on him? He'd been learning a lot from his uncle but he hadn't heard of any that started by subtly offering to adopt an orphan. Those women were dangerous.

He walked out of the store, hiding the jar under his coat so that he wouldn't have to pay.

The nineteen year old frowned at the ten year old he'd been paired to work with for their group project. What was a ten year old doing in college anyway?

"I'm earning an applied physics degree" the child spoke levelly as he stared up at his partner. Seeing the bewildered look on the man's face, Talon sighed. "You were talking out loud."

Apparently, something about Talon's personality rubbed the teenager the wrong way. With a sneer, he glared down at the child. "Shouldn't you be at home with your mommy?"

"Don't have one," the boy answered with exhaustion evident in his voice. Honestly, it seemed like everyone wanted to know about his mother. It was like society itself had an Oedipus complex. The older man stared at his partner with wide eyes as he fell silent.

"Shit," he muttered after a moment. Scratching absently at the wisps of beard hairs that grew from his chin, the nineteen year old fumbled in his pocket for something. Eyes full of pity fell on the child as he finally found what he was looking for. "Want some weed, kid?"

"Nah," Talon replied simply. "Can we get back to working on our project?"

* * *

Talon and Penny sat across from one another, eyes locked in a heated stare. One of his dark eyebrows perked upwards while her lips curled into a smirk.

"Have any 2s?" He asked, his eyes glinting dangerously.

"Go fish!" She exclaimed in delight while fist pumping.

With a defeated sigh, he drew from the pile of cards between them. It was a new habit they'd picked up recently. As they fought more and more they both began to realize that often times their roles, despite being highly-functioning and logical, were actually rather inconsequential in the grand scheme of their families' rivalry. Talon didn't have to exert any effort into his uncle's plans, as any attempts to improve them would only be met with punishment. Similarly, Penny didn't have to work so hard to thwart Talon and his uncle as the day was always miraculously saved by her uncle's bumbling miracles and love of justice and all that is good.

So the two would occasionally spend their mission time casually, hanging out instead of engaging in kung fu battles that usually consisted more of karate than kung fu. Every fifth encounter or so the two would drop their guards and just act like normal teenagers for an hour or two while the safety of the world was at risk around them. They both knew it would end like it always did, regardless of their involvement so they played card games instead. These card games were then amped up by random punishment games they would add to the games- just to make things more interesting.

For Go Fish, it was an adaptation of truth or dare, except it was really only truth. Any time a person failed to steal a card from the other for three consecutive turns, they would have to answer any question posited honestly. Talon had failed to guess a card in her hand for the past three turns which meant that Penny got to ask him something that she'd been dying to know for months. She might have specifically suggested this punishment game so she'd get the chance to ask, not that anyone could prove it.

"Alright, Mister Mysterious," she teased as she placed her cards out of the way. "Tell me truthfully, where are your parents?"

Talon heaved out an annoyed sigh, genuinely not the reaction Penny had been expecting. "Figures. Alright, fine. Legally, I have no parents. I am an orphan. So they're nowhere." He seemed frustrated and upset. Penny assumed it was because he didn't have parents. In actuality, Talon was just really sick and tired of everyone always asking about it.

Before the game could continue, Inspector Gadget managed to set off the giant paint balloons that MAD was going to be throwing at international landmarks. Paint flooded the building and the two teens separated, each headed to their respective uncle for the same routine.

* * *

It was going to happen eventually. They both knew it. His tendency to get injured was exacerbated by his incredibly dangerous lifestyle and increasingly unstable relationship with his uncle.

That morning had been a bit chilly, prompting Penny to put on a beanie which Kayla insisted on commenting on. Half way through a cry of, "that hat hair though!" Kayla abruptly fell silent. The blonde tried to find the source of the unusual silence when her eyes fell on the figure standing in the HQ entrance.

An angry, blood-stained Talon stood stiffly right outside. He was hesitating, debating on whether or not to enter. With a curse in Spanish, the young man shook his head and marched in while he kept his eyes glued to the floor, glaring daggers at the pristine tiles. His dark hair was disheveled, held at an awkward angle by what looked like dried blood. A darkening bruise over his left eye and cheek offset the deep gashes running down from his hairline to his jaw on the other side of his face. He had a split lip.

Penny froze. It didn't take a genius to recognize that the patterns of the tears in his skin matched that of the spikes on his uncle's claw. She wanted to hug him, to nurse him back to health, to berate him for sticking with his uncle this long to begin with, to set the MADcastle on fire and dance around it's flames, to whisk the boy off his feet and treat him like a princess. She did none of these things. The blonde watched as her once-nemesis stomped into Quimby's office and, following a loud bang, stormed out of HQ. He never so much as glanced at her.

The moment he was out of her sight, Penny raced into Quimby's office. The man sat in his chair, shell-shocked, staring at a flash drive sitting in the middle of his desk. "He just- just slammed this on the table and walked away," the Chief murmured.

"May I?" Penny asked, already reaching for the purple flash drive.

"Go ahead."

On the flash drive was more intel than HQ had ever possessed: detailed schematics of MAD machines, employment rosters, locations of secret bases, Dr. Claw's daily schedule, MADcat's prefered type of food. It was enough to effectively neuter the entire MAD organization. Dr. Claw could not recover from having so much information in the hands of his enemies. He had tried, many times, but, with what HQ knew, he was no longer a valid threat.

Penny went on the first twenty missions against MAD hoping to run into Talon. He never showed. The boy disappeared completely after walking out of HQ that day.

* * *

Penny decided to go to college in the states, there was a program at MIT that she was dying to participate in. On the first day of her sophomore year, she walked into her Particle Physics Lecture class and took a seat near the front. Most of the students were already there by the time the beginning of class. Two minutes after the time when the lecture was supposed to start, a tall man walked backwards into the room, digging through his messenger bag. His face was turned away from the students but his muscle shirt flaunted the tanned biceps that flexed as he dug through the bag. He found whatever he was looking for right as he reached the podium. Turning around, the man placed wire-rimmed glasses over his face and immediately looked at the students sitting in the far back of the classroom. Faint scars traced along one side of his face.

"Good morning and welcome to Particle Physics," he said as his eyes scanned those farthest away, slowly approaching those who sat closer to him. On his muscle shirt was a Marvelous superhero, DeadPond, commenting about how boring it is to be on a shirt. "I'm your professor, Ta-" He fell silent as he met the shell-shocked stare of the blonde sitting directly in front of him. Laughing nervously, he backed away from the podium. "Looks like I have the wrong classroom, sorry." He inched slowly towards the door keeping his eyes on the Canadian in the front row.

"No," someone protested from the group of students, "this is Particle Physics."

The shock was starting to wear off on the HQ agent and the man knew if he didn't make a break for it now he'd be caught for sure. Suddenly changing directions, the professor jumped out an open window and sprinted away from the building. Penny immediately leapt to her feet and followed him out.

"This room is on the third floor," one student commented.

"Does this mean early dismissal?" Another asked

* * *

He might've been able to avoid her for one class period but he could not do it for the rest of the semester. By lunch time she had found his office and was standing outside of his door glaring at him. He'd wallowed in self pity for a solid ten minutes, simply lying face down on the ground and regretting not getting plastic surgery to change his facial features, when he finally gathered the courage to let her in."Hi there," he said casually, hair in complete disarray and nervous twitching just barely kept at bay.

Penny stormed past him and took a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk meant for students. She i/ was his student. The blonde glared at him and waited for him to sit down as well. He chose to sit in the other chair for students. The last thing he needed was the perception of him having authority over her making everything worse. Huffing angrily, the HQ agent let out a grumbled yell as she ran her hands through her hair. After calming down, she directed her blue eyes to him.

"Are you okay?"

This question led to an open discussion of his current emotional state, which in turn led to his past emotional state, then to what his uncle had done that had crossed the line, to where he'd gone after and been since, to Penny's life since their last meeting, his job, a quip or two about his need to be so mysterious that he vanished off the face of the Earth for a while, her status as an agent, and after they'd become acquainted with one another's presents, they decided to dwell on the past. Recalling their escapades, their highly skilled battles, and card games led to joking and laughter just like in the good old days, which eventually built up to confessions of mutual attraction in the past- how head over heels each had been for the other when they were fighting over the fate of the world on a regular basis. Of course, all of this culminated in the two making out on top of his desk.

"You need to transfer out of my class," Talon whispered between pants as he peppered kisses along her neck.

"Why?" Penny asked while tugging on his hair so he'd look up and make eye contact with her.

"So I can keep doing this," he answered.

* * *

"So," the blonde woman spoke as she twisted the diamond ring on her left hand, "I know you said you wanted to adopt, but this seems oddly specific." Her husband looked away from the adobe building in front of them to send her an apologetic smile. "You're really set on this Mexican orphanage. Care to tell me why?"

"Maybe another time," he spoke softly before walking into the building, knowing his wife would follow him in.

"We're already married and he's still got secrets," the woman murmured sarcastically, rolling her blue eyes. "He doesn't need to try so hard to be mysterious anymore, jeez."

Behind the desk of the orphanage sat an old woman with dark skin. She had a kind smile with wrinkles permanently folded around it. The blonde took that to mean that she had lead a happy life. Her husband met the elderly woman's eyes and, without looking for a name tag, spoke. "Senora Morales?"

Senora Morales was confused. She stared hard at the young man for a few long moments before suddenly smiling brightly. He wrinkled lips stretched wide to reveal teeth yellowed with old age. "Caesar? Eres Caesar?"

"Si, senora." The man responded with a wide grin.

"Caesar!" The old woman cried as she got up from the chair behind the desk to hug the man. "Te Miras! Tu eres un hombre ahora! Yo reconozco cuando tu eras un chiquito! Quien es ella?"

"Se llama Penny," he replied, his eyes moving to his wife, knowing full well that she had heard and understood everything they'd just said. "Ella es mi esposa."

Senora Morales whacked him in the arm with more strength than her appearance would suggest. "Que hermosa! Tu eres un hombre afortunado!"

"Yo se," he replied with a warm smile, his eyes still trained directly on his (now blushing) wife. "De todos modos, nosotros estamos aquí porque queremos adoptar un hijo. Hay algunos chicos quien piensas interesarnos?" The old woman tittered excitedly before running down the hall.

The blonde beside him hummed, as she glanced at her husband. "Caesar, huh?"

"He said that Caesar wasn't a good name for a henchman. He renamed me Talon as soon as we left the building."

"We can legally change it back if you want," she pointed out as she entwined her fingers with his, purposefully bumping their matching rings together. "You already took my last name. Caesar Brown has a nice ring to it." Penny didn't need to point out that doing that would finally erase all traces of the man known as Dr. Claw from their lives.

"I'm already used to the name Talon, though." The name had grown on him in the past couple decades. Besides, he loved hearing his wife say his name. So he told her just that.

"I promise I can say Caesar just as sweetly," she pointed out.

"I was talking about when you get frustrated me and half-growl it out as you're about to send a punch my way," the man teased.

"Hah, I can do that with Caesar too. Like you won't be making me angry constantly if you change your name." Penny pointed out. "Caesar!" She mockingly growled. He just laughed at her. "Sure, laugh now. Let's just wait until you make another stupid decision, like when you thought it would be a good idea to modify the stairs in our house so they'd turn into a slide when you clapped."

"I just wanted to live like a villain in a Scooby Doo cartoon," he whined. "There's one of those trap staircases in like every episode." The blonde only raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. "Besides slides are fun."

"Los tobogánes?" A small voice asked. Turning, the two adults saw a tiny, tan toddler tightly gripping Senora Morales' hand.

"Si," Penny answered as she knelt down to the child. "Nuestra escalera puede convertirse en un tobogán."

"Es muy divertido," her husband chimed in as he sat down on the ground beside her.

"Me llamo Augustus," the boy said as he shoved his small hand, offering a handshake.

"Now you have to change your name back to Caesar," the wife declared as she shot her husband a look. "No way am I missing the opportunity to have historical allusions in our family."

"Welp, the wife has commanded it. I've got no choice now."

Caesar grinned. He'd always liked the name Caesar.


	20. Presidential Duties

You'll never guess which fandom I got drawn into since the last time I updated. Here's a hint: I make a really, really obvious reference to it in this update. College is happening again. We'll see what this does to my uploading schedule (or lack thereof).

* * *

Title: Presidential Duties

Rating: K+ (I don't think I sweared in this one)

Genre: High School AU (That's a genre, right?)

Summary: Gimme those High School student AUs where little to nothing happens. This one might get a sequel later since there was little to romance in this. Just loooots of pining courtesy of a blonde teenage girl.

Word Count: 1,956

* * *

Penny Brown had many jobs as student council president. Most were to be expected but there were a few unusual ones. The most outrageous duty of hers was dealing with her school's resident harbinger of chaos. Stupidly rich, entirely too smart, constantly truant, insubordinate, rude to everyone, cocky, self-obsessed, lacking a moral compass, and all around personal pain in the ass: Talon Claw. His uncle was the chairman of the school so the administration couldn't expel him. Everyone in the school, faculty and student alike, was forced to suffer through hurricane Talon.

It was an unexpected discovery made during their second year in high school. At the time he'd been obsessed with a certain musical and was prone to hacking into the school comms systems to play songs from the musical at all hours. Penny had been studying for an AP test and, while she normally appreciated the musical stylings of Lin Manuel Miranda, she'd had enough. The blonde managed to track down the mysterious teen whom she'd never seen before. While his attractiveness had caught her off guard at first, she managed to stutter out a few quick insults and complain about the music before fleeing in an unnecessarily dramatic manner. The very next day the music stopped. In it's place, a single message played once.

"This next song is called_ Utter Silence_! This one goes out to Penny Brown."

After that she'd developed something of a reputation for being the only person alive capable of dealing with the force of nature that was Talon. So when she became student council president, "Talon Damage Control" was added as one of her official duties. Juggling her upcoming meeting with the board and chaos itself left a lot of strain on the girl. The majority of her council had gotten their positions through popularity alone and had no idea how to fulfill their duties so they went ahead and passed them off onto the blonde.

She was trying to put the secretary's upcoming presentation together while sorting through the treasurer's barely legible books and she was so tightly wound she'd probably punch the next person that walked into her office. Talon sauntered into the room just after. _So there is a god…_

He let out an overdramatic sigh and sprawled across the empty vice president's desk. Penny tried to ignore him (because that tactic totally worked) and stay focused on her work (although it wasn't actually _her_ work). With a huff, the boy slid off the desk and marched right up to her.

"Madam President," he addressed her mockingly, like always. "There are several matters you really should attend to." As if to agree with the delinquent, a shriek sounded from somewhere down the hall. It was followed by several more. "Really _quite_ urgent."

Feeling like she'd been working all her life and was now only three weeks from retirement, the blonde grumbled. "Sorry but this," she gestured to the mess of papers splayed out before her, "takes priority." Talon, super hot bad boy and force of nature, pouted as he deftly swiped a few sheets from the desk. His dark eyes flitted over the page quickly before he dropped it unceremoniously. Walking around Penny's desk, he hovered over her crouched form to read her notes. "Do you mind?" she hissed, incredibly displeased with how pleased she was with his proximity.

"How considerate of you," he teased. "No, I don't mind being this close to you at all." With that he vaulted over her desk and ran to that of the VP. Dragging the chair to her workstation, he sat opposite her and helped himself to her notepad and favorite pen. She frowned, expecting a childish drawing, but paying attention nonetheless. The blonde was rewarded with seven circles with stick bodies drawn in a row at the top of the page, each with an accompanying name. It took her a second to recognize them, but when she did, she couldn't stop her surprised gasp.

"Are these-"

"McClain is pretty devoted to the arts so to garner his favor you've got to support creative development while not crossing Kogane who prioritizes sports and competitive atmospheres. The two are constantly at one another's throats so I heavily advise not getting caught between the two." Talon said without a shred of a joking tone. Penny completely cast aside all earlier preconceptions of her personal menace in order to absorb the crucial information he was providing her with to the utmost of her ability. "Holt is huge on technology and morally ambiguous at best. They're also low key very supportive of trans and nonbinary gender identity rights. Always a good person to have on your side. They're incredibly manipulative. They'd probably like you." Talon scribbled key words and little doodles around each stick figure as he talked about their real life counterpart. "Hunk, he only responds to that name by the way. Apparently he and McClain were childhood friends growing up in Cuba and- no, that's irrelevant. Hunk is large hearted. He functions as a moral compass for the entire committee. Be nice to him and he'll show you the same courtesy." He then drew a large circle around the figure in the center. "But more than anything, Takahashi is the one you want to convince. He's their leader. He's logical but compassionate and has a great deal of influence." He paused as his dark eyes met her own bright blue ones. "Just keep these things in mind and the meeting will go without a hitch."

Penny nodded seriously and shot a quick glance to the clock on the wall. "It's time. I have to go," she said. Gathering up the necessary papers, the blonde gulped nervously and strode out of the room.

An hour and thirteen minutes later, the girl was exiting the wide double doors that led to the boardroom. She was contemplating a very risky move. The blonde was going to do something that would either make her student council one of the most proficient and effective organizations the charter school system had ever seen or would lead to their school being burned down. The odds seemed about 50/50.

"How'd it go?" A voice jolted Penny out of her thoughts. Glancing behind her, she spotted Talon leaning against the wall next to the door.

"Surprisingly well," Penny replied, her eyes drifting down to the folders in her hands. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"No problem." Talon answered dismissively while waving his hand around. "Now that that's out of the way," he began while pushing himself off of the wall. In that moment the blonde remembered the trouble the teen had started earlier to cause the screaming in the halls. She had no doubt that whatever he was about to say would ruin her current, surprisingly pleasant mood. A part of Penny couldn't believe he'd help her solve one problem just so he could present her with another. Bracing herself, she watched as his smooth caramel covered lips parted to say something. "We have something important to talk about." Penny took a deep breath, trying to run preemptive damage control on her own emotions. "Is it just me or is there totally something going on between McClain and Kogane? Because I totally ship it."

Penny blinked her bright blue eyes in surprise. "I mean, yeah. A part of me wanted to write fanfiction while I was in there. It was adorable." With any luck, Talon had forgotten whatever various misdeeds he'd committed earlier. As long as she wasn't made aware of them, they weren't her problem.

"Ha! I already have written fanfiction about them. Never had anyone to read it before, after all, who actually knows the boardmen in charge of their school?" Talon replied with a grin.

"Well, now I have to read it," Penny declared as she turned at started to walk away.

"It's an AU where they're this rebel army in space fighting against an evil galactic empire. I lowered their ages to teens and, just so you know, their vehicles? Giant, sentient robot cats." The boy announced proudly, resting his hands on his hips.

Penny hummed in thought as she chanced a glance at her new companion. "Hey, so," she paused as she tried to find the right words. "You helping me made this a whole lot easier. Knowing you, you probably have all kinds of useful information and the Vice President seat is open," she trailed off, trying to communicate the rest of what she was implying with her eyes.

He said nothing in response. Shock radiating through his face and posture."But," he paused to lick his lips and Penny mentally slapped herself for getting so caught up watching the motion, "I'm _Talon._ The problem kid? Infamous? Having me as VP would be-"

"I mean, sure." She interrupted him. "You cause a lot of problems but you fix even more from what I can tell. And if you're helping me with the other problems, I'll have more time to focus on the ones caused by you."

Talon slammed a fist into his palm while his wide gaze was directed elsewhere. "I totally forgot about-"

"Don't tell me," Penny shouted, her hands covering her ears. "If you don't tell me, it isn't my responsibility!"

Talon laughed at the sight of her. "Okay, okay. In that case, I accept the position of VP. When can I pick up my badge and gun?"

The blonde sighed, her eyes flitting over to the council room that they were close to now. "I wish. I'm afraid there's nothing of the sort."

"Not even the anime armbands?" Talon gasped in faux shock. "The travesty! Well, remedying that will be my first act as Vice President." He grinned and pulled the door open. "You should stay on your toes, Madam President. Last thing you need is a coup where I'll overthrow you and claim this nation in the name of my awesome self."

She let out a sarcastic chuckle as she stepped into the room. "I'll be sure to do that, Mister Vice President."

The next day, the blonde found an armband sitting on her desk in the council room. Written on the ring of fabric was hirigana which loosely translated to _the main character. _Sitting in the desk adjacent to hers, was her VP with a matching armband, although his said _the love interest_. The grin and wink he sent her did funny things to her insides. She decided against telling him she could read Japanese.

"My second act as Vice President was to abruptly fire the rest of the student council. I replaced all of them with potted plants I stole from my neighbors." He announced abruptly while gesturing to the plants around the room. There was one on each desk except his own and Penny's. " I figured they'd do about the same amount of work but would have better attendance. Plus, you have to admit, they brighten up the room."

As student council President, Penny Brown had many jobs. One of the more outrageous was having to reign in her own Vice President, one Talon Claw. Entirely too smart, stupidly rich, resourceful as hell, affluent within the school with connections ranging from the janitors to the chairman himself, and probably the most effective Vice President to ever live; Penny had her work cut out for her. The boy made everything so much easier, that is, except for dealing with him personally. He was still a menace and loved causing trouble. "Talon Damage Control" remained Penny's most demanding duty.

She wouldn't have it any other way.


End file.
